Nobody says 'excuse me' or 'pardon me' anymore

[Anonymous]

I'm 48, white and say excuse me or excuse me please all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said excuse me to a tween boy who was blocking the aisle in a Target and the Mom or caregiver stared me down with a scowl and said “what”? Like wtf people chill out.

I saw a woman whose infant carseat had a handwritten sign on it that said AWW BACK THE F**K UP.

That child's going to turn out great, I'm sure.

It reminds me of a story my father’s coworker once told him, with some chagrin. She had overheard her young daughter talking with a friend, who asked, “Do you know what this means?” (displaying “the finger”) The daughter replied, “I’m not sure, but I think it means something like, “You are a very bad driver.”

[Anonymous]

I certainly say pardon me or excuse me when needed.

That said, I never stand and hem and haw in front of the cereal for so long that people need to say “excuse me,” and I don’t block the aisles or block the flow of traffic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said excuse me to a tween boy who was blocking the aisle in a Target and the Mom or caregiver stared me down with a scowl and said “what”? Like wtf people chill out.

I saw a woman whose infant carseat had a handwritten sign on it that said AWW BACK THE F**K UP.

That child's going to turn out great, I'm sure.

It reminds me of a story my father’s coworker once told him, with some chagrin. She had overheard her young daughter talking with a friend, who asked, “Do you know what this means?” (displaying “the finger”) The daughter replied, “I’m not sure, but I think it means something like, “You are a very bad driver.”

She's not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m totally with you on this. I’m from Memphis and I’m amazed of the lack of manners. Instead of folks saying “excuse me” or “pardon me” folks will just stand creepedly (sp) behind you or beside you if you’re in their way and the like. So frustrating. Walk in held doors, never say thank you. Just rude.

They're assuming you will make a choice and move on like a normal person. They're essentially waiting in line, it would be rude to say excuse me to the person in front if you're waiting your turn.

Nope. Clearly you don’t know the social rules. It’s not rude to say “excuse me/pardon me” if it’s unclear of what’s going on in front of you. What I mean by creepedly standing behind you, the person may have no idea someone is standing behind them. But I often don’t feel a person’s presence and will be startled that someone is behind me! They just standing there and don’t say anything. Or folks bump into you or crash into your basket (actually physically bump into you, this happens at Costco a lot). It’s rude not to say excuse me or pardon me. I was at aldi the other day looking at some ice cream in the freezer, comparing expiration dates and this teenage girl just stood behind me, like 5 inches behind me. Startled the $hit out of me, I turned around and was like, will you give me some space. If they want to reach in quickly, the proper thing to do is say “pardon me or excuse me, may I just grab a carton of vanilla please?” She was so close, when I swung around my pony tail landed in her mouth. I was like WTF!

Or not say thanks when someone holds the door for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to roll with it, while upholding my own values of respect and etiquette, but the rudeness in DC is wearing me down. I've never been anywhere with worse general-public manners than this city. It's a major reason I'm planning to leave. I can take, and even enjoy, some of the rougher aspects of a place where lots of cultures interact, but there's simply no excuse for the way we're treated here. Worse, it rubs off on some of you who I know were taught better.

I don’t find this to be true at all. People are very friendly here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

Really? To me sir and ma’am are for older people and it might seem mocking? I’m very polite but don’t do that with young people.

What’s mocking is when they call me “young lady.”

I’m 65.

[Anonymous]

I haven't found this to be true at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly say pardon me or excuse me when needed.

That said, I never stand and hem and haw in front of the cereal for so long that people need to say “excuse me,” and I don’t block the aisles or block the flow of traffic.

I park my shopping cart sideways in the aisle like everyone else. And then agonize over the optimal Cheerios purchases. Family or regular size? Will I live long enough to finish the family size? What if DC is invaded? I could leave half a box of unfinished Cheerios on my shelf. What will people think of me?!??!??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

Really? To me sir and ma’am are for older people and it might seem mocking? I’m very polite but don’t do that with young people.

It’s a regional thing, in the south children and some adults use sir or ma’am all the time. IMO everything that is “manners” down can still be window dressing for really rotten/evil culture, but the sir/ma’am thing is mostly benign.

I’m in New England and people say those phrases all the time.

I’m a California native (first-gen American) and DH is from Michigan. We say “pardon me” and “excuse me”, as do our young adult offspring, who are born and bred Washingtonians. None of us uses “sir” or ma’am” as a matter of course, but occasionally it’s useful
to address strangers that way— e.g., “Sir, did you mean to leave your Starbucks cup on the table? I don’t believe the gate agents have time to tidy up after us.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

Really? To me sir and ma’am are for older people and it might seem mocking? I’m very polite but don’t do that with young people.

It’s a regional thing, in the south children and some adults use sir or ma’am all the time. IMO everything that is “manners” down can still be window dressing for really rotten/evil culture, but the sir/ma’am thing is mostly benign.

I’m in New England and people say those phrases all the time.

I’m a California native (first-gen American) and DH is from Michigan. We say “pardon me” and “excuse me”, as do our young adult offspring, who are born and bred Washingtonians. None of us uses “sir” or ma’am” as a matter of course, but occasionally it’s useful
to address strangers that way— e.g., “Sir, did you mean to leave your Starbucks cup on the table? I don’t believe the gate agents have time to tidy up after us.”

That question, asked in a manner that is begging for eye rolls, is going to get a response of “FU” 95% of the time.

[Anonymous]

I do all the time. I don’t put a lot of weight in anecdotal observational “this never happens”. It likely relies on confirmation bias and selective memory.

[Anonymous]

“Pardon” is déclassé and I would never use it. I say excuse me all the time, though.

[Anonymous]

But do you have any Grey Poupon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Pardon” is déclassé and I would never use it. I say excuse me all the time, though.

Oh no! Not déclassé!

What horror.