Nobody says 'excuse me' or 'pardon me' anymore

[Anonymous]

I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

[Anonymous]

Covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

Really? To me sir and ma’am are for older people and it might seem mocking? I’m very polite but don’t do that with young people.

[Anonymous]

I have a different perspective on this, OP. There are two ways to use "excuse me". First is to ask for forgiveness if you have gotten someone's way, or made them wait. For example, if someone needed a seat on public transit and they had to wait for you to get up. Or, if someone needed to get to get by at the grocery store and they had to wait a second for you to get out of their way. It's a way to repair after a small breakdown in societal norms for how people should move around and give each other space in public.

Second is to ask someone else to get out of your way. It implies that they were oblivious, and were not getting up for you, or getting out of your way. Or, that they couldn't wait their turn - you were piking out lettuce and they wanted you to move your cart, rather than wait 3 seconds for you to pick up the lettuce and move on. It's a way to get what you want/need either because the other person didn't have manners, or because you are impatient.

Growing up in the DC area, you heard a lot of the first. These days, I hear a lot of the second.

[Anonymous]

Excuse me started becoming rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

Really? To me sir and ma’am are for older people and it might seem mocking? I’m very polite but don’t do that with young people.

It’s a regional thing, in the south children and some adults use sir or ma’am all the time. IMO everything that is “manners” down can still be window dressing for really rotten/evil culture, but the sir/ma’am thing is mostly benign.

[Anonymous]

so just say EXCUSE YOU

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m totally with you on this. I’m from Memphis and I’m amazed of the lack of manners. Instead of folks saying “excuse me” or “pardon me” folks will just stand creepedly (sp) behind you or beside you if you’re in their way and the like. So frustrating. Walk in held doors, never say thank you. Just rude.

[Anonymous]

It’s your area—you people are uncivilized 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m totally with you on this. I’m from Memphis and I’m amazed of the lack of manners. Instead of folks saying “excuse me” or “pardon me” folks will just stand creepedly (sp) behind you or beside you if you’re in their way and the like. So frustrating. Walk in held doors, never say thank you. Just rude.

They're assuming you will make a choice and move on like a normal person. They're essentially waiting in line, it would be rude to say excuse me to the person in front if you're waiting your turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in stores - no one says "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they need to get by, or cross in front of someone. It's not an age thing either - I'm 45, and people my age or older don't say it anymore, either. Younger, all races, skin colors, etc.

My parents were brown immigrants and raised us to have basic manners and courtesy. When did this basic courtesy stop? And why?

I say excuse me and taught my children as well as teaching them to say Please,Thank You. Good morning/, afternoon or evening. I also taught them to hold doors open if someone was behind them.

It is the duty of parents to teach good manners to their children. Sadly, so few Millennials display good manners themselves.

+1 to all of the above

Also:

If you’re on public transit and someone seems to need a seat more than you do, you should offer yours to them.

and

Any time you’re doing any kind of business with someone (including giving the teenager behind the McDonalds counter your order), you call them Sir or Ma’am.

Really? To me sir and ma’am are for older people and it might seem mocking? I’m very polite but don’t do that with young people.

It’s a regional thing, in the south children and some adults use sir or ma’am all the time. IMO everything that is “manners” down can still be window dressing for really rotten/evil culture, but the sir/ma’am thing is mostly benign.

Adults do not call young people sir and ma’am though.

[Anonymous]

I used to roll with it, while upholding my own values of respect and etiquette, but the rudeness in DC is wearing me down. I've never been anywhere with worse general-public manners than this city. It's a major reason I'm planning to leave. I can take, and even enjoy, some of the rougher aspects of a place where lots of cultures interact, but there's simply no excuse for the way we're treated here. Worse, it rubs off on some of you who I know were taught better.

[Anonymous]

There's always an older person saying this in every period of history, OP.

It's personal bias: you were raised to be polite and now that you're old enough to see a new generation of kids/adults whizzing past you in the grocery store, you find out that not everyone was raised the same way.

Surprise! Not.

You should have realized this truth earlier.

I always say sorry or excuse me. My husband and kids do as well, and so do their friends. But we're not in such a bubble that we don't realize others come from different upbringings.