Aunts didn’t come to baby shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t go to my brother’s wife’s shower because I know she doesn’t like me and has never made an effort to get to know me or come to my events. I wish them well and hope all goes well with the birth, etc. but don’t plan on having a relationship with this child so didn’t feel the need to go.

NP. I don’t particularly like my brother’s wife and my brother and I aren’t super close, but I would never refer to their baby as “this child” so coldly, and would never withhold affection and attention from an *innocent baby who was my family* because the mom and. I aren’t best friends. And guess what? The more I make connections with my niece, the more my brother connects with me and my family, and the more open and cordial his wife has become with me. See how that works? You sound awful.

You’re assuming a lot here. IDGAF if my brother or SIL ‘connect with me and my family’, don’t want a relationship with them. What I meant was, it’s unlikely I’ll have a relationship with their child since my relationship with them is bad. I certainly wouldn’t be unkind to a child.

You’re already saying you—your words—“don’t plan on having a relationship with this child.” Wow. That’s unkind right there.

DP

I agree with you. The PP you responded to is probably a train wreck. I avoid these people. It's better for the baby that she's not involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t go to my brother’s wife’s shower because I know she doesn’t like me and has never made an effort to get to know me or come to my events. I wish them well and hope all goes well with the birth, etc. but don’t plan on having a relationship with this child so didn’t feel the need to go.

NP. I don’t particularly like my brother’s wife and my brother and I aren’t super close, but I would never refer to their baby as “this child” so coldly, and would never withhold affection and attention from an *innocent baby who was my family* because the mom and. I aren’t best friends. And guess what? The more I make connections with my niece, the more my brother connects with me and my family, and the more open and cordial his wife has become with me. See how that works? You sound awful.

You’re assuming a lot here. IDGAF if my brother or SIL ‘connect with me and my family’, don’t want a relationship with them. What I meant was, it’s unlikely I’ll have a relationship with their child since my relationship with them is bad. I certainly wouldn’t be unkind to a child.

You’re already saying you—your words—“don’t plan on having a relationship with this child.” Wow. That’s unkind right there.

Let me spell this out for you PP…brother and SIL don’t like me, I don’t like them. We avoid each other and don’t speak outside of having to see each other once or twice a year at family gatherings. Given that I do not have a relationship with the parents, I wouldn’t expect to have one with their child, simply because we won’t be seeing one another much. Are you close with a lot of children of people you don’t get along with/people you rarely see?

Um yes. The majority of my students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's siblings have a life that doesn't revolve around you, your pregnancy and eventually, your child/children. There could be many reasons why they didn't come, and given how you clearly feel about them, I'm not surprised they didn't come.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably didn’t come because they are aware you don’t care for them

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Yes I agree that they do not care. They really have no relationship with the brother or you, so why would they care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your husband asked them what did they say?

He didn’t. I’m not sure if they talk much anymore or what goes on with that.

Then why did you even invite them? You also said that you did not care about them so again why would you invite them? I definitely would not go to the baby shower either. Move on with your life as they have.

[Anonymous]

Those women don’t owe you nice gifts just because their brother knocked you up. Especially when you don’t even like them anyway. You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do they live nearby?

did you clear the date with them before planning the party?

they should give a gift at some point - Christmas, birthday, another time - but they dont have to give it right now for this shower.

They are not required to give gifts and probably won’t and that’s okay. Accept and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those women don’t owe you nice gifts just because their brother knocked you up. Especially when you don’t even like them anyway. You sound awful.

Agree, just because you are having a baby does not mean that people do a 180 and start worshiping you. This does not change your relationship at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t go to my brother’s wife’s shower because I know she doesn’t like me and has never made an effort to get to know me or come to my events. I wish them well and hope all goes well with the birth, etc. but don’t plan on having a relationship with this child so didn’t feel the need to go.

NP. I don’t particularly like my brother’s wife and my brother and I aren’t super close, but I would never refer to their baby as “this child” so coldly, and would never withhold affection and attention from an *innocent baby who was my family* because the mom and. I aren’t best friends. And guess what? The more I make connections with my niece, the more my brother connects with me and my family, and the more open and cordial his wife has become with me. See how that works? You sound awful.

You’re assuming a lot here. IDGAF if my brother or SIL ‘connect with me and my family’, don’t want a relationship with them. What I meant was, it’s unlikely I’ll have a relationship with their child since my relationship with them is bad. I certainly wouldn’t be unkind to a child.

You’re already saying you—your words—“don’t plan on having a relationship with this child.” Wow. That’s unkind right there.

Let me spell this out for you PP…brother and SIL don’t like me, I don’t like them. We avoid each other and don’t speak outside of having to see each other once or twice a year at family gatherings. Given that I do not have a relationship with the parents, I wouldn’t expect to have one with their child, simply because we won’t be seeing one another much. Are you close with a lot of children of people you don’t get along with/people you rarely see?

Um yes. The majority of my students.

What a stupid response. That’s your JOB.

[Anonymous]

If I cannot go to the baby shower, I don’t send a gift until the baby is born. I don’t think I got any gifts at shower time from people who couldn’t attend, but I got gifts at the birth. Provided they were at least polite enough to RSVP no, then it’s not a big deal.

Do not keep score in stuff like this. Be happy when people do show up rather than tracking who does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t go to my brother’s wife’s shower because I know she doesn’t like me and has never made an effort to get to know me or come to my events. I wish them well and hope all goes well with the birth, etc. but don’t plan on having a relationship with this child so didn’t feel the need to go.

NP. I don’t particularly like my brother’s wife and my brother and I aren’t super close, but I would never refer to their baby as “this child” so coldly, and would never withhold affection and attention from an *innocent baby who was my family* because the mom and. I aren’t best friends. And guess what? The more I make connections with my niece, the more my brother connects with me and my family, and the more open and cordial his wife has become with me. See how that works? You sound awful.

You’re assuming a lot here. IDGAF if my brother or SIL ‘connect with me and my family’, don’t want a relationship with them. What I meant was, it’s unlikely I’ll have a relationship with their child since my relationship with them is bad. I certainly wouldn’t be unkind to a child.

Are you always such a baatch or just where your siblings are involved?

I’m very close to my other siblings. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries and choosing not to have certain people in your life.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want people you don't like there? If we aren't close, I send a gift and don't go. It's rare that I don't give a gift, but we live below our means and are in good shape financially. If we weren't in good shape financially, I would not buy gifts for people with whom I am not close, family or not.

[Anonymous]

Were they invited OP? Or was info just passed through family members?

[Anonymous]

Do they live nearby (like an hour away or less)?

In our families, it is kind of expected to attend things like this if local and no major conflict. Barring some sort of open hostility. So I could see being a little hurt if this is the case.

If it involves travel, then no expectations and baby showers are pretty low on the totem pole of family obligations.