Help me state this nicely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here not bitter at all about not having a husband or kids. I see plenty of them as we are all local. Literally just saw them 2 weeks ago for preschool/ kindergarten graduation and 8th grade graduation and awards ceremony. I'm there for birthdays and holidays. Frankly I just don't want all my weekends to belong to them.
I would love to just tell them to STFU but they are drama queens and very used to getting their way.

You seem nice but there is a lot of anger in that last sentence. What else is going on? I would take the path of least resistance and say that I want to remember my dad quietly so I will
Miss the event. Done. Even if you intent to be partying with friends, who cares. You see them at other times of the year so it’s fine. I just don’t understand the STFU language for what seems like not a big issue.

[Anonymous]

I would make other plans and then tell them you are busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here not bitter at all about not having a husband or kids. I see plenty of them as we are all local. Literally just saw them 2 weeks ago for preschool/ kindergarten graduation and 8th grade graduation and awards ceremony. I'm there for birthdays and holidays. Frankly I just don't want all my weekends to belong to them.
I would love to just tell them to STFU but they are drama queens and very used to getting their way.

You seem nice but there is a lot of anger in that last sentence. What else is going on? I would take the path of least resistance and say that I want to remember my dad quietly so I will
Miss the event. Done. Even if you intent to be partying with friends, who cares. You see them at other times of the year so it’s fine. I just don’t understand the STFU language for what seems like not a big issue.

Op here. It's probably my frustration with them coming through. Before our dad died and when everyone was younger had different responsibilities probably up until 4 years ago we'd get together for everything. That was too much for them and they just wanted time for their families. Okay. But now they want to do everything all the time again on their schedule and I can't do that. I go-to the kids birthdays, graduations awards , random outings with the kids the major holidays. Skipping father's day like I always have since our dad died shouldn't be an issue but now I apparently don't appreciate their husbands enough and it's unacceptable and not fair and we need to do more family stuff- like you didn't want to do before. . Just tired of the constant drama and the world should revolve around them attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re resentful because you don’t have children. Are you jealous of your sisters for that? Do you resent them for that? Or did you make the decision not to have children entirely freely and on your own accord?

Wow. I was thinking that perhaps they envied her childfree life and freedom and were maybe trying to rope her in to their mundane gatherings.

Op here. No one is jealous of anyone. We all have the lives we want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here not bitter at all about not having a husband or kids. I see plenty of them as we are all local. Literally just saw them 2 weeks ago for preschool/ kindergarten graduation and 8th grade graduation and awards ceremony. I'm there for birthdays and holidays. Frankly I just don't want all my weekends to belong to them.
I would love to just tell them to STFU but they are drama queens and very used to getting their way.

You seem nice but there is a lot of anger in that last sentence. What else is going on? I would take the path of least resistance and say that I want to remember my dad quietly so I will
Miss the event. Done. Even if you intent to be partying with friends, who cares. You see them at other times of the year so it’s fine. I just don’t understand the STFU language for what seems like not a big issue.

Op here. It's probably my frustration with them coming through. Before our dad died and when everyone was younger had different responsibilities probably up until 4 years ago we'd get together for everything. That was too much for them and they just wanted time for their families. Okay. But now they want to do everything all the time again on their schedule and I can't do that. I go-to the kids birthdays, graduations awards , random outings with the kids the major holidays. Skipping father's day like I always have since our dad died shouldn't be an issue but now I apparently don't appreciate their husbands enough and it's unacceptable and not fair and we need to do more family stuff- like you didn't want to do before. . Just tired of the constant drama and the world should revolve around them attitude.

Honestly, I’d take a good long break from them. If you are roped into all major holidays, birthdays, random kid events etc that is way way too much time enmeshed with siblings especially toxic ones. It’s too much. Go have fun, live your life, start traveling during holidays to cool places. Yes they will scream and ruffle their hen feathers but don’t engage, block numbers if they won’t leave you alone etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re resentful because you don’t have children. Are you jealous of your sisters for that? Do you resent them for that? Or did you make the decision not to have children entirely freely and on your own accord?

NP.OP, don’t answer this loon! You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with blocking their numbers; OP would be at risk of losing the relationships.

[Anonymous]

It might be too late for this year, since it seems like you are pretty far into the conversation, but in the future, just let them know that you already have plans for that weekend. It is normal for people who do not have a father to celebrate (or whose father doesn’t care, or who live far from family…) to treat that weekend like any other, and to buy concert tickets, schedule a short trip, agree to help a friend declutter, etc.

[Anonymous]

Father’s Day should be about the current, living fathers in the family. Why aren’t your sisters doing whatever their husbands want to do? Somehow, I doubt your two BIL most fervent wish for Father’s Day is that their MIL and SIL come over and talk about deceased FIL. I think the fact that your sisters want to usurp Father’s Day and control everyone else tells you everything you need to know about how selfish and immature they are.

[Anonymous]

“Thank you for the invitation, but I’m not going to be joining you on that day. I look forward to seeing you at [X future event].”

That’s it. If they repeat, give them that again, verbatim. That, verbatim, two or three times, then stop responding.

Another thing I sometimes do when people ask again is, “You have your answer.”

[Anonymous]

I ask that you respect my wish not to attend gatherings on Father's Day. I will not be attending and ask that you refrain from asking in future years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to lose the nice, OP.

"Larlas, are you aware that I am not married and do not have children? Why on earth are you forcing me into a celebration of your husbands? You are not being sensitive. Stop being selfish."

And if they call you names or whatever, don't respond and don't go.

You sound very bitter.

We have children who have children and children who don’t. We have children who don’t have children because they chose not to, and we have children who don’t have children partly at least because the decision was not entirely theirs.

Everyone always invites everyone else to any, shall we say, beyond the nuclear family event regardless of marital or child status. Everyone recognizes that everyone merits an invitation regardless, and beyond that the nieces and nephews love the childless aunts and uncles regardless - and vice versa.

Why can’t you just treat the event as a good excuse for an extended family get together? Why does it have to be so loaded?

Hi Smug Grandma,

Because OP feels her sisters won't take no for an answer, and that they're generally pushy and tone-deaf. Therefore OP needs to be crystal clear, and if she ruffles feathers in order to get her point across, that's fine.

You seem to not understand that it's OK for relatives to push back firmly against other relatives. I'm sure you do it without thinking in your life, but somehow you think OP isn't allowed to? Get over yourself.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's odd you don't want to go. Do you not like and appreciate the work your bils do for your nieces and nephews. Regardless, just say thanks for the invite and that you can't join.

Np. You're the odd one. Op isn't obligated to celebrate Father's Day for people other than her father.

[Anonymous]

Whenever someone wants to create a new family tradition that will have all adult family members there it needs to be a discussion not a proclamation. Sounds like you were not included in the decision. Therefore there is nothing wrong with giving a respectful no and just wish them well. If they pout and complain you could calmly explain why if they ask and can handle it. If they are fragile and self-centered just a polite, but firm "no." You cannot control their reaction and you are not responsible for their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask that you respect my wish not to attend gatherings on Father's Day. I will not be attending and ask that you refrain from asking in future years.

I don't think that level of formality/stiffness with do anything to de-escalate a tense situation.

OP, if all else fails, just call/text at the last minute to say you aren't coming. Do it every Father's Day until they stop inviting you