Help me state this nicely

[Anonymous]

I mean, the fact that your mom clearly agrees with you is something to hold on to.

I'd just thank them for the invitation and say that you're not up for celebrating father's day since your father is not living.

If you're feeling generous, you can accompany that with an invitation to some other gathering for the extended family later in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to lose the nice, OP.

"Larlas, are you aware that I am not married and do not have children? Why on earth are you forcing me into a celebration of your husbands? You are not being sensitive. Stop being selfish."

And if they call you names or whatever, don't respond and don't go.

You sound very bitter.

We have children who have children and children who don’t. We have children who don’t have children because they chose not to, and we have children who don’t have children partly at least because the decision was not entirely theirs.

Everyone always invites everyone else to any, shall we say, beyond the nuclear family event regardless of marital or child status. Everyone recognizes that everyone merits an invitation regardless, and beyond that the nieces and nephews love the childless aunts and uncles regardless - and vice versa.

Why can’t you just treat the event as a good excuse for an extended family get together? Why does it have to be so loaded?

Hi Smug Grandma,

Because OP feels her sisters won't take no for an answer, and that they're generally pushy and tone-deaf. Therefore OP needs to be crystal clear, and if she ruffles feathers in order to get her point across, that's fine.

You seem to not understand that it's OK for relatives to push back firmly against other relatives. I'm sure you do it without thinking in your life, but somehow you think OP isn't allowed to? Get over yourself.

They won’t take no for an answer, yet this has been going on for 5 years and OP has never gone? Seems like she’s been “pushing back” just fine.

Sorry you can’t read.

[Anonymous]

Op here not bitter at all about not having a husband or kids. I see plenty of them as we are all local. Literally just saw them 2 weeks ago for preschool/ kindergarten graduation and 8th grade graduation and awards ceremony. I'm there for birthdays and holidays. Frankly I just don't want all my weekends to belong to them.
I would love to just tell them to STFU but they are drama queens and very used to getting their way.

[Anonymous]

Just say you (and mom, as applicable) are taking a quiet day to grieve dad and wish them a pleasant celebration.

[Anonymous]

Just say no, your father is dead, this isn’t a holiday you participate in, but have fun. Let’s plan another day when we all get together.

That’s all you have to say. Just keep repeating the above. At some point you can add that you wish they would show you the respect of accepting your answer.

[Anonymous]

I hate the saying "'No' is a complete sentence," because "No" is not a sentence. It is, however, a complete answer.

Their drama does not have to be your drama, although I'd be tempted to respond to it: "Wow, you seem really upset. Maybe you should skip it this year, too." "I never come -- did you forget? Are you forgetting other things? Any other cognitive issues?"

[Anonymous]

Who cares if they are guilt tripping you? Let them. You don't have a father living and don't have kids. Father's day is not for you to celebrate anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares if they are guilt tripping you? Let them. You don't have a father living and don't have kids. Father's day is not for you to celebrate anymore.

+1

Stop being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Is it really that hard to participate?

I don't get the big deal. It sounds like you take your family for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you on the spectrum? Usually when one declines and invite like this, you need to say that you have a conflict. If you say “no” and you’re staying home alone, you have to kind of fudge it or there will be hurt feelings.

If this is what’s going on, your sisters are probably just trying to make sure you stay connected to the family and get out for social stuff periodically. So you could offer an alternative, like “could we do something the following weekend instead?”

It's not her responsibility to keep her sisters from feeling hurt. She's allowed to say no with or without what they deem an acceptable reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, just thank them for inviting you and reiterate that you are unable to attend. That's it. Don't explain why.

[Anonymous]

I would just say you’re going to celebrate your dad in your own way and you hope they have a lovely day with their families.

Don’t say what you’re doing, don’t offer to include them, just politely decline. If they argue, you don’t have to argue back or explain yourself. You already told them no, politely.

I understand if you don’t want to go, and you don’t have to explain yourself. It sounds like you do plenty of family stuff already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re resentful because you don’t have children. Are you jealous of your sisters for that? Do you resent them for that? Or did you make the decision not to have children entirely freely and on your own accord?

Wow. I was thinking that perhaps they envied her childfree life and freedom and were maybe trying to rope her in to their mundane gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, that would drive me nuts OP. Obnoxious.

My advice is to pick a few words and just keep saying them over and over - with no further explanation or rationale. Ignore their noise. The less fuel you give it, the better.

"Sorry, I'm not coming." That's all you really need. Change the subject, say I'll see you next month at x, walk away/hang up, whatever.

They can fume as much as they like but you don't have to listen to it. Be calm, steady, consistent and go enjoy the Sunday doing whatever you damn well please!

[Anonymous]

What else do you do during the year with your nieces and nephews?