A neighbor of ours went to rehab last year. I've known this person for at least 10 years and while I knew they drank, I never saw them drunk. I did notice a puffiness about his face and neck right before the rehab stint, but believed him when he said he was on a new medication with side effects. I was floored when he went to rehab. |
+1. Although my immediate family and my parents and brother knew. Everyone else thought I enjoyed wine at happy hour or on holidays, but had no idea what was happening on a daily basis behind closed doors. |
PP and another thing as an ACOA. If you tell me that your parent is/was an alcoholic AND I see you drunk more often than sober or at the very least host happy hours, tailgates, go barhopping, wine tasting and have boozy “girls weekends,” then I am judging you accordingly and will stop interacting with you.
Similarly, I have and will extricate from any friend group where drinking is the main focus, activity and commonality. I’ve left PTA Board work, a neighborhood book club, even a youth sports clique with pre-gaming or tailgating or post-game celebrations. |
Good for you for having boundaries but that has nothing to do with the OP's question. Maybe start your own thread? |
I think this is especially true for women (shame and stigma). |
Nearly everyone my husband went to medical school with. It only becomes a problem if you're sneaking drinks on a work day and driving drunk and notably popped for DUI. Many high achievers can work hard, play hard and are smart enough to not drink and drive. |
Seeking treatment doesn't necessarily mean she was an out of control alcoholic. To some anxious people a couple glasses of wine most nights might be recovery-worthy. |
You snuck 5 to 7 drinks every night?? How? |
+1. Especially the sexual performance. - signed, widow of an alcoholic. |
You’re an idiot. Low information and high confidence is also a poison. |
I can smell it. Even very faint smells, I can detect them. I know about several colleagues at work, and I know several moms of my kids' friends. I keep it to myself. |
Same story as others - me.
First a bottle of wine per night. Then that wasn’t enough, so vodka or tequila with sparkling water. I wouldn’t start drinking until we were winding down- so around 8 pm to loosen up, and then steadily after the kids went to bed. I never once drove drunk. Rarely had drinks during the day - in fact, I often didn’t drink when we would go out to dinner, because restaurant drinks are too watered down to get me drunk, so I just found them an annoying waste of money. So going out with the family or girls, I wouldn’t drink or just have 1 wine - I just waited until I got home & make my drink, which was 4 oz liquor + 3 oz water. Hard to believe, but I drank 8-10 shots every night for years. And then got up & did the morning routine, went to work, volunteered, etc. |
It’s fascinating you think you know what every single one of them are thinking. Would I ever call out a coworker for what I assume is probably closeted heavy drinking? Of course not. Can I tell? Yes. You give off so many more small tells than you think you do. People who did not grow up around alcohol abuse won’t notice them so you might be duping them, which is how people sometimes manage to hide it from spouses. But you’re not hiding it from someone who knows all the signs and all the ways that alcoholics behave to try and cover up and front like they’re not drinking all the time or thinking about drinking all the time. We just don’t say anything to you about it. |