Youth group leader commenting on daughters height

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how it’s affecting your daughter. When I was in church/youth group growing up, some of the adults were NUTS and by the time we were teens we easily recognized that they were insane and it was them, not us. We were not affected by them whatsoever. So, feel free to say something if your daughter is bothered of course, but that’s my experience.

That's because we learned how to deal with people, which sometimes includes ignoring them or letting their comments roll off our backs. Kids these days do not have that skill. This thread is a case in point.

[Anonymous]

OP, I find the post that you wrote about your daughter very odd and weird. What does her being developed and pretty have to do with anything? What was the point in mentioning that? And she dresses her body well? What does that even mean? Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 12 and just started youth group , and one of the women leaders has made multiple comments about her height. She’s 5’9 and 130 lbs so small framed and is developed for her age and very pretty by all standards, and knows how to dress her body well. But doesn’t dress inappropriately, no crop tops or anything. Has a very preppy lululemon loveshack golden goose sense of style. But this one women has told her that people look at her more because she’s tall, she can’t wear shorts because it draws the wrong attention to her, that she has to act like a role model to her peers because she’s tall, and has even made comments to me that she wished she had my daughters body. I personally found this so weird and I can tell it makes my daughter uncomfortable. Wwyd?

What's the problem? She looks like an adult and adults are treating her more like one, as obviously do her peers. Time to grow up emotionally for her also to match the body, and be a young lady.

[Anonymous]

I come from an extra short family, and people comment on our height all the time. I'm sure it's the same when you're on the other end of the bell curve. It is what it is.

The comments on the clothes/looks are weird, though. That's different than just commenting on height. I'd call that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these comments are inappropriate and others are truth telling.

2inch inseam shorts look very different on a 5’ girl vs a 5’9” girl. Just like a sheath dress looks very different on an A cup woman vs a DD cup woman. It is what it is and more women and girls need to know this.

The comments about wanting her body type are inappropriate.

The shorts things doesn’t make sense to me. A 2-inch inseam is covering the same parts regardless of how tall or short you are. Everything else is just leg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these comments are inappropriate and others are truth telling.

2inch inseam shorts look very different on a 5’ girl vs a 5’9” girl. Just like a sheath dress looks very different on an A cup woman vs a DD cup woman. It is what it is and more women and girls need to know this.

The comments about wanting her body type are inappropriate.

The shorts things doesn’t make sense to me. A 2-inch inseam is covering the same parts regardless of how tall or short you are. Everything else is just leg.

DP but stretch it out to pants. Imagine if all pants had a 30 inch inseam. They'd look ridiculously short on someone 7ft tall, like capris or high-water britches. They'd be ridiculously long on someone 4'10".

Usually taller people have larger waists and the shorts tend to accommodate and have longer inseams.

But short shorts and hot pants are a thing also, and tall girls in short shorts attract attention because men like long legs.

[Anonymous]

A few things:

I probably wouldn’t send her back to the group.

I’d make a comment to the volunteer AND to the pastor about the fact it’s generally considered inappropriate to comment on other people’s physiques and this is especially true when it is an adult talking to or about adolescent girls. Children are taught at a young age not to comment on other people’s bodies. It’s simply considered out of bounds. I would not make a statement that is specifically about your preferences about how the volunteer speaks to your daughter. You want them to get your message and not try to just shrug it off as your issue. It’s not. If they reach out with an explanation or apology or a way to remedy the situation, I’d consider sending her back to the group.

As a middle school teacher I cannot say I’ve ever noticed tall girls being considered leaders. It’s not a thing I’ve ever observed.

I’m assuming the description OP gives about her daughter’s body and style is just to help us understand the situation. I don’t think it deserved such a negative reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how it’s affecting your daughter. When I was in church/youth group growing up, some of the adults were NUTS and by the time we were teens we easily recognized that they were insane and it was them, not us. We were not affected by them whatsoever. So, feel free to say something if your daughter is bothered of course, but that’s my experience.

That's because we learned how to deal with people, which sometimes includes ignoring them or letting their comments roll off our backs. Kids these days do not have that skill. This thread is a case in point.

I agree not everything needs some kind of snippy confrontation. I could never imagine saying some of these comebacks, they sound really petty. I would not let this lady bring me down to that level.

[Anonymous]

What kind of youth group is this? Your church? Young Life? My HS friend joined this club called Campus Crusaders and they wouldn't let the girls wear bathing suits without tee shirts on a beach trip b/c it would make the boys think bad thoughts. I NEVER had that experience in Young Life, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how it’s affecting your daughter. When I was in church/youth group growing up, some of the adults were NUTS and by the time we were teens we easily recognized that they were insane and it was them, not us. We were not affected by them whatsoever. So, feel free to say something if your daughter is bothered of course, but that’s my experience.

That's because we learned how to deal with people, which sometimes includes ignoring them or letting their comments roll off our backs. Kids these days do not have that skill. This thread is a case in point.

I agree not everything needs some kind of snippy confrontation. I could never imagine saying some of these comebacks, they sound really petty. I would not let this lady bring me down to that level.

I agree with all of this. If you want something blow way out of proportion, come post something here. I think the OP would ignore most of the stupid crap that is posted here.

OP, you just need to bring it up and let them know it's making your DD feel uncomfortable as she is only 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these comments are inappropriate and others are truth telling.

2inch inseam shorts look very different on a 5’ girl vs a 5’9” girl. Just like a sheath dress looks very different on an A cup woman vs a DD cup woman. It is what it is and more women and girls need to know this.

The comments about wanting her body type are inappropriate.

Religious guys are the worst. Hypocrites.

My 13 year old has the same weight and height and I would never buy her 2” inseam shorts. They don’t work. Her tiny friends wear shorts with 1” inseams and I’m surprised the school doesn’t say anything. Their asses are hanging out. Boys are short in middle school and the petite cute girls get all the attention. Add that to showing so much skin and it can easily become a problem.

Another problem with some girls and too many women is they buy their clothes too small. Because my daughter is adult size I buy her clothes at Free People, Anthropologie, rag & bone, Bloomingdale’s with some teen stuff like White Fox, Urban Outfitters for oversized hoodies and cargo sweats. You can’t always go the the stores the other kids go to if you’re not a typical size. But there are plenty of stores for every body and shape.

[Anonymous]

I'm Christian and things like this are why I keep my kids away from our church teen program.

Too many people with hang ups I don't share in positions of "authority" over my kids is unnecessary. I simply don't trust most adults about these small things that can have a big impact on a developing teen at a vulnerable time in their life.

It's their choice if they want to attend these things in college. Meanwhile I attended to their spiritual upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Please stop commenting on my daughter’s body, clothes and looks. It’s very inappropriate.”

This, but also know that predators go to church young groups because it's church and people trust church. She sounds creepy and I'd keep my kid away.

As someone who volunteers at church and has to go through safety training every couple of years, THIS. Raise your concerns to leadership - youth pastor or senior pastor or executive pastor or whatever. If they don't respond appropriately, you take steps personally to make sure your daughter isn't near this woman. Grooming - and I know people abuse that term but I'm using it in the original sense - starts with things like this.

A church that won't take this concern seriously is not a safe place for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these comments are inappropriate and others are truth telling.

2inch inseam shorts look very different on a 5’ girl vs a 5’9” girl. Just like a sheath dress looks very different on an A cup woman vs a DD cup woman. It is what it is and more women and girls need to know this.

The comments about wanting her body type are inappropriate.

My kid is pretty modest by nature and has the legs of a kid whose 5'9" (short torso). 3" inseam shorts look fine on her and pass muster at her dress code school. I get that there's such a thing as short shorts and I get that girls love them short these days, but even long legged kids can wear normal looking shorts and be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 12 and just started youth group , and one of the women leaders has made multiple comments about her height. She’s 5’9 and 130 lbs so small framed and is developed for her age and very pretty by all standards, and knows how to dress her body well. But doesn’t dress inappropriately, no crop tops or anything. Has a very preppy lululemon loveshack golden goose sense of style. But this one women has told her that people look at her more because she’s tall, she can’t wear shorts because it draws the wrong attention to her, that she has to act like a role model to her peers because she’s tall, and has even made comments to me that she wished she had my daughters body. I personally found this so weird and I can tell it makes my daughter uncomfortable. Wwyd?

What's the problem? She looks like an adult and adults are treating her more like one, as obviously do her peers. Time to grow up emotionally for her also to match the body, and be a young lady.

This post is insane. Insane.

The youth group leader needs to be an adult. Not a 12 year old.