Literally just stopped caring about ‘disappearing’

[Anonymous]

They sounds senile. Also why do you need to be with DH during these visits? I stopped visiting my husband's family 3 years into our marriage. We've been married over 20+ years and his parents are long dead now. No regrets. Let him have alone time with them and it'll be more pleasant for all involved. They are't your parents, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just spent a long weekend with my MIL where she drunkenly called my 14 yo DD "stupid as shit" for using a butter knife to cut grilled chicken.

She will never again be allowed on any sort of family vacation with our family.

Good for you for protecting your daughter!

My MIL is getting slapped if she called my kid stupid.

[Anonymous]

Stop going on these vacations.

Send DH with the DC but you stay behind.

DW of 29 years with 3 adult DC, local ILs (who for early years of our marriage, insisted upon a week long family reunion getaway. I did this for far too long - maybe 5 years?)

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Just let your DH handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just spent a long weekend with my MIL where she drunkenly called my 14 yo DD "stupid as shit" for using a butter knife to cut grilled chicken.

She will never again be allowed on any sort of family vacation with our family.

Who, your daughter, the butter knife cutter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, these examples are crazy. I have never experienced people like this.

+1

OP, I’m sorry, but I laughed. It’s like a Seinfeld episode.

[Anonymous]

Are we related OP?

[Anonymous]

This is my mother- she was raised on an isolated farm and whenever they would "visit" with family or neighbors it was to talk, play games, spend time, etc. She's programmed to believe that every moment with another human is social.
Any attempts to distance are met with anxiety- that is, if we're hanging out and not talking or doing something separate, it's personal.

[Anonymous]

I’m a disappear type. I announce I am going for a nap and then I go. Only way to deal bc I am such an introvert and need my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and my mom is like this. Crazy anxiety, zero inner monologue, and no sense of boundaries or reading others’ cues.

When I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to close my bedroom door and I couldn’t sit still or else she’d start the questions. Visits are exhausting so I mostly avoid them now. She will hover near the bathroom and listen so closely that if she hears the toilet paper roll rotating too many times, she’ll start to ask panicked questions about if we are something bad or are sick.

There’s nowhere in her house to hide or take quiet time so I try to make up errands that seem generous and useful, like a dump run or going to get takeout. When I first got my driver’s permit, I think the gas in our cars never went below 7/8th of a tank because going to the gas station was considered an acceptable disappearance!

OMG we have the same mother!!!

I have put an ocean between us.

You beat me! I went to the west coast so only managed an entire continent. I felt smug about that until my brother PCS’ed to Hawaii.

[Anonymous]

Stop hosting or staying at their place.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws do this when they visit, but just about DH. If he leaves the room for more than 5 minutes, it’s “where’s (name)? Where did (name) go?”

[Anonymous]

This very much describes my family and, to some extent me, and it drives my husband nuts. My family (my parents, extended family) knows this about him now and probably thinks he's a little aloof but so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound insecure. Is it your mother in law?

I agree. Insecurity or anxiety that you are not having a good time. It's also possible they are not experienced at hosting. When I was very young, I kept my first house guest busy every minute. LOL I wanted to be sure they "had fun." Oh, boy. I learned to do better after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you posted about this before? I swear the exact same example about being in the bathroom too long and people loudly clamoring for your presence rings a bell.

Regardless, good for you! Just because they want things one way doesn’t mean that’s the way it has to be. The vacation has to work for everybody. Personally, I have no problem saying that I want to go to the drugstore by myself just come out and say, “I need a little downtime“ or “I need a few minutes to myself.” They can live with it.

NP and my in-laws are also like this. To the point where they will just straight-up talk to people who are in the bathroom.

OMG mine too! MIL will try the door knob and then try it harder. Thank god she doesn’t have lock picking skills. She will relent to just talking through the door.