Why do you give your DH a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

This.

[Anonymous]

In a min marriage that had been mostly happy, one chance seems normal. If they actively are remorseful and working on themselves and it was out of character.

If they were always a d@k and mean and you were unhappy- it’s a wonderful get out of jail free card.

Everyone’s situation is different. Worry about your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because women know that men don't cheat emotionally. Men know that women cheat emotionally. They just don't cheat for sex. They pour in massive capital of emotion into the OP so much so that their DH act home notices it.

I have a few beautiful bridges for you to look at…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

You would be surprised the number of professionals who counsel people to stay. Including general therapists and psychologists. Plus there’s an entire reconciliation industrial complex.

Forgiveness is a thing, yes. And can make a relationship stronger.

Also, there are many other ways to betray a partner that are arguably more damaging to self-esteem and worth than cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because most women give up a career to get married and have kids, so if they divorce, they’ll likely have to move into a small apartment with the kids and get a low-paying job.

Which is why it’s so important for women to have careers that are as equally valued as their husband’s and have their own money OR to get a prenup where she is paid a salary throughout the marriage and gets more than 50% if the husband cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

You would be surprised the number of professionals who counsel people to stay. Including general therapists and psychologists. Plus there’s an entire reconciliation industrial complex.

Forgiveness is a thing, yes. And can make a relationship stronger.

Also, there are many other ways to betray a partner that are arguably more damaging to self-esteem and worth than cheating.

Oh BS

If your partner cheats and you take them back you are a fool.

There is no trust left without trust there is no marriage

Women stay because of financial reasons not fir any other reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

You would be surprised the number of professionals who counsel people to stay. Including general therapists and psychologists. Plus there’s an entire reconciliation industrial complex.

Forgiveness is a thing, yes. And can make a relationship stronger.

Also, there are many other ways to betray a partner that are arguably more damaging to self-esteem and worth than cheating.

Oh BS

If your partner cheats and you take them back you are a fool.

There is no trust left without trust there is no marriage

Women stay because of financial reasons not fir any other reason

It’s a valid short term reason, yes. But long term forgiveness and having faith in another person can make couples stronger and families richer since the assets were never split.

[Anonymous]

Read or listen to Esther Perel.

The answer is that life is complicated. You don't get a menu that says "perfect life with a spouse who didn't cheat on me" or "perfect post-divorce life and who cares that I have my kids half the time now." There are no perfect options. You make the one that makes the most sense at the time.

I'm divorcing a cheater after his second affair. I'm not sorry that I tried to make it work -- I have the ability to transcend something like this. But I was only half of the marriage and he didn't have the ability to become a better version of himself. I wouldn't have known that if I didn't give him that chance.

The truth is that we don't know what we would do in a situation until we're in it. We don't get perfect choices and we do our best. Let's show each other, and ourselves, grace about it. Don't stay in a toxic situation, but don't cast off every relationship if some therapy and repair could make it great again.

We're all human beings driven by a cocktail of hormones and instincts. We like feeling wanted, we like arousal, we like sex. Not everyone cheats, but everyone is susceptible to a good endorphin rush. My husband's choice to cheat has nothing to do with my value, and my decision to give him a second chance just says that I am a strong person who believes in grace. It's not that I don't believe I could find someone better -- believe me, I do! -- but that I had children and a history with him, and I believed/hoped we could have something great if we worked on it.

Speaking in absolutes about a situation you've never faced kind of tempts the universe, don't you think? The only thing I'm sure of is that there's not much I know for sure.

[Anonymous]

women put more effort into a relationship than men. My ex husband remarried 2 years after our divorce at 52 and his new wife is 33. I just found out she is pregnant. My ex is charismatic, money isn't an issue, but he is emotionally absent. He cheated on me twice and when we went through our divorce not once did he ask us to work on the marriage. He simply shrugged. While my ex was emotionally absent for me, he wasn't for our 2 kids. He is an excellent father, he drives them to practice, he knows all their doctors/teachers. He would spend 2 hours reading to our daughters, but would be annoyed at spending 30 mins with me. I wish some men loved us as much we love them. I know its a Me issue and I am in therapy. I still love my husband. To answer OP that's why I tried to save my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband tried to stay with his cheating wife as he knew what she was like and would keep the kids from him. She eventually left for the AP and kept the kids from him.

How did she manage to keep the kids away from him?

She refused to follow the courts orders. They’d go to court, she’d promise to let him see them and as soon as court let out she refused again. Happened over and over again. She had a new man supporting her, child support, alimony, health insurance for the kids…..she did pretty well. They also were horrible to his ex. She’s a lovely woman. She’s called a few times desperate for money or things for the kids and knew we’d help. It was really rare so we did not mind knowing the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

LOL No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

Meh, no dog in this fight, but this is so dramatic and it’s two sides of the same coin. if you were cheated on, and you are simply not able to function or recover that you had to blow up your life and marriage, you need just as much professional help, and suffer from really low self-esteem.

My whole self-worth is not tied up in the fact that my husband may wanna have sex with another woman. Just so weird that that would blow up my life. I don’t get this mentality at all. That said I don’t think people should stay with serial cheaters. But I can accept that people make mistakes and want to move on.

I do agree, though if you have been cheated on, you should get professional help whether you stay or leave. Hasn’t happened to me, but I know enough friends and family it is happened to that I realize how destabilizing it can be.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely love how men are like, men wouldn’t stand for this we would leave! And others are like yes, women stay because they have low self-esteem!

And yet in this country men murder their intimate partners every single day. Most common cause of death for a pregnant woman in this country, that her baby daddy murders her. But yes, women are irrational and can’t handle these things.

Never change morons of the relationship forum of DCUM! Never change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:women put more effort into a relationship than men. My ex husband remarried 2 years after our divorce at 52 and his new wife is 33. I just found out she is pregnant. My ex is charismatic, money isn't an issue, but he is emotionally absent. He cheated on me twice and when we went through our divorce not once did he ask us to work on the marriage. He simply shrugged. While my ex was emotionally absent for me, he wasn't for our 2 kids. He is an excellent father, he drives them to practice, he knows all their doctors/teachers. He would spend 2 hours reading to our daughters, but would be annoyed at spending 30 mins with me. I wish some men loved us as much we love them. I know its a Me issue and I am in therapy. I still love my husband. To answer OP that's why I tried to save my marriage.

Very sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely love how men are like, men wouldn’t stand for this we would leave! And others are like yes, women stay because they have low self-esteem!

And yet in this country men murder their intimate partners every single day. Most common cause of death for a pregnant woman in this country, that her baby daddy murders her. But yes, women are irrational and can’t handle these things.

Never change morons of the relationship forum of DCUM! Never change.

How many men in your family have murdered their partners? You are correct men are far more likely to kill women. But you speak in a way as if that's what we ought to expect from men. So let me ask you again, how many men in your family have murdered women?