Why do you give your DH a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

Meh, no dog in this fight, but this is so dramatic and it’s two sides of the same coin. if you were cheated on, and you are simply not able to function or recover that you had to blow up your life and marriage, you need just as much professional help, and suffer from really low self-esteem.

My whole self-worth is not tied up in the fact that my husband may wanna have sex with another woman. Just so weird that that would blow up my life. I don’t get this mentality at all. That said I don’t think people should stay with serial cheaters. But I can accept that people make mistakes and want to move on.

I do agree, though if you have been cheated on, you should get professional help whether you stay or leave. Hasn’t happened to me, but I know enough friends and family it is happened to that I realize how destabilizing it can be.

You are very man's dream wife lmao. He will at least get one pass he has sex with another woman while married to you. That's so awesome because you are still going to stick around.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t miss 50% of my kid’s childhood unless I had no choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely love how men are like, men wouldn’t stand for this we would leave! And others are like yes, women stay because they have low self-esteem!

And yet in this country men murder their intimate partners every single day. Most common cause of death for a pregnant woman in this country, that her baby daddy murders her. But yes, women are irrational and can’t handle these things.

Never change morons of the relationship forum of DCUM! Never change.

How many men in your family have murdered their partners? You are correct men are far more likely to kill women. But you speak in a way as if that's what we ought to expect from men. So let me ask you again, how many men in your family have murdered women?

It’s incredibly , incredibly common. Again, I’ll repeat, in this country a pregnant woman’s biggest risk is her intimate partner let that sink in and then ask me again your silly question to try to deflect.

I am just simply pointing out the misogyny of saying women have a low self-esteem when it’s men who are constantly flying off the handle and going into rages. And yes, it is quite common. And murder is not always the end game, but abuse, beating, all very, very, very common.

So basically you are saying, because a man hasn’t committed murder, he can’t be emotionally unstable or insecure? That’s the bar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women have terribly low self esteem and a high need to fit in socially which means having a husband for so many woman having a man is paramount doesn't matter how he treats her.

If you lived as a divorced single parent for a bit or as a single woman after age 35 you would know that society treats these women far differently and worse than any married woman.

There is definitely a stigma for divorced single women especially at schools. Other moms don’t trust them or include them.

I experienced this stigma. Frankly, my ex-husband was horrendous enough that I would rather be single, celibate and stigmatized for the rest of my life than stay with him, and I would rather my kids have a life that was 50% safe, loving and reliable than what our life was like with him, but YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

You are so clueless. If only the world were that black and white. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t miss 50% of my kid’s childhood unless I had no choice.

100% agree.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I’m worth more. You cheat on me and pack your bag. My kids are young adults, no reason to be miserable at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

Things are so backwards in our patriarchal society. There's rarely a good reason for a man to cheat, and thus wives should usually dump cheaters. When a woman cheats it's because something is lacking in the relationship, usually tied to the man's failures. Instead to making the wife the scapegoat, men should generally try to work on themselves and fix the problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely love how men are like, men wouldn’t stand for this we would leave! And others are like yes, women stay because they have low self-esteem!

And yet in this country men murder their intimate partners every single day. Most common cause of death for a pregnant woman in this country, that her baby daddy murders her. But yes, women are irrational and can’t handle these things.

Never change morons of the relationship forum of DCUM! Never change.

How many men in your family have murdered their partners? You are correct men are far more likely to kill women. But you speak in a way as if that's what we ought to expect from men. So let me ask you again, how many men in your family have murdered women?

It’s incredibly , incredibly common. Again, I’ll repeat, in this country a pregnant woman’s biggest risk is her intimate partner let that sink in and then ask me again your silly question to try to deflect.

I am just simply pointing out the misogyny of saying women have a low self-esteem when it’s men who are constantly flying off the handle and going into rages. And yes, it is quite common. And murder is not always the end game, but abuse, beating, all very, very, very common.

So basically you are saying, because a man hasn’t committed murder, he can’t be emotionally unstable or insecure? That’s the bar?

Again how many men in your family have killed women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I’m worth more. You cheat on me and pack your bag. My kids are young adults, no reason to be miserable at this point.

Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

Meh, no dog in this fight, but this is so dramatic and it’s two sides of the same coin. if you were cheated on, and you are simply not able to function or recover that you had to blow up your life and marriage, you need just as much professional help, and suffer from really low self-esteem.

My whole self-worth is not tied up in the fact that my husband may wanna have sex with another woman. Just so weird that that would blow up my life. I don’t get this mentality at all. That said I don’t think people should stay with serial cheaters. But I can accept that people make mistakes and want to move on.

I do agree, though if you have been cheated on, you should get professional help whether you stay or leave. Hasn’t happened to me, but I know enough friends and family it is happened to that I realize how destabilizing it can be.

Ehhh soo true.
But but but .. I don't want to blow up my family bc my husband is a lying cheater that will more than likely re-cheat.




You are very man's dream wife lmao. He will at least get one pass he has sex with another woman while married to you. That's so awesome because you are still going to stick around.

[Anonymous]

My friend who stayed does so for kids and logistics. She’s got a divorce attorney, has a lot of evidence of the affair as leverage, knows where all their money is and goes, has a growing separate stash, and is ready to divorce at any moment. She co-parents with him and nothing more. She talks of him like he's a nuisance she has to deal with for their kids. She travels solo or with friends, avoids in-law encounters or obligations, gives more to her career, and invests a lot in her appearance. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a secret lover. No way they are still married in 5 years. He is a high earner so staying married until she's ready to pull the trigger isn't draining her financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any person who would remain married to a person who has lied + betrayed them (basically what is the overall foundation of cheating) is someone who clearly does not recognize their worth as a person.

Those that stay w/cheaters obviously have terrible self-esteem issues and need professional help.

I think I'd probably kill my husband if he cheated on me but I still don't think it's as black and white as you think. Sure, there are definitely some women (and men!) who stay with cheaters because they don't think they deserve any better. I'm not one of those people, but I can also understand that life is complicated and no two situations are the same (even if you had two couples with kids the same age, same HHI, etc.). Things are more nuanced than you seem able to grasp and your judgment doesn't really help anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. He cheated while I was pregnant/postpartum.

Honestly the three years or so after that I was so depressed I could barely function. I was a zombie and just did my best to go to work and take care of the kids. There was absolutely no way I had the capacity for a divorce, moving out, etc.

After those 3 years I just stopped caring about marriage entirely. What am I gonna do even if we split? I don’t want another man. I don’t want to get married ever again. So I stayed together because it’s just easier with the kids.

But now I basically live my own life. I don’t care if he cheats again. I put myself first, and once the kids are out of the house, I plan to have a silent divorce where I just go do whatever I want.

We still have a relationship. We still have sex, go on dates, have fun, and try to set an example for the kids. I don’t think he’s cheated ever again, he freaked out after he saw how depressed I was and did a ton of therapy.

I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s almost like, if we had divorced, I would have had boyfriends for fun and companionship, but they would have never been a top priority. Since that’s what I would have done, I just did that with my H instead. We have fun, but there’s not a lot of emotion on my end and I don’t prioritize him.

I also flirt a LOT with other men. I know people will say two wrong don’t make a right, but it actually does help me a lot.

You're sleeping with a man who is sleeping with other people? Gross.

I get why you wanted to stay, and I could understand someone coming to terms with their reality, but you seem to be doing a lot of pretending here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband tried to stay with his cheating wife as he knew what she was like and would keep the kids from him. She eventually left for the AP and kept the kids from him.

I feel like your husband is lying to you...