Reply to Why do you give your DH a second chance?

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[quote=Anonymous]Read or listen to Esther Perel.

The answer is that life is complicated. You don't get a menu that says "perfect life with a spouse who didn't cheat on me" or "perfect post-divorce life and who cares that I have my kids half the time now." There are no perfect options. You make the one that makes the most sense at the time.

I'm divorcing a cheater after his second affair. I'm not sorry that I tried to make it work -- I have the ability to transcend something like this. But I was only half of the marriage and he didn't have the ability to become a better version of himself. I wouldn't have known that if I didn't give him that chance.

The truth is that we don't know what we would do in a situation until we're in it. We don't get perfect choices and we do our best. Let's show each other, and ourselves, grace about it. Don't stay in a toxic situation, but don't cast off every relationship if some therapy and repair could make it great again.

We're all human beings driven by a cocktail of hormones and instincts. We like feeling wanted, we like arousal, we like sex. Not everyone cheats, but everyone is susceptible to a good endorphin rush. My husband's choice to cheat has nothing to do with my value, and my decision to give him a second chance just says that I am a strong person who believes in grace. It's not that I don't believe I could find someone better -- believe me, I do! -- but that I had children and a history with him, and I believed/hoped we could have something great if we worked on it.

Speaking in absolutes about a situation you've never faced kind of tempts the universe, don't you think? The only thing I'm sure of is that there's not much I know for sure.[/quote]

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