Why do you give your DH a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

Why would you not? People are people. They make mistakes; errors. Even on the most important things. What is the root cause? Is the relationship dead? Or was it just something that happended and can be worked through. I do think men forgive women as well.

[Anonymous]

Because most women give up a career to get married and have kids, so if they divorce, they’ll likely have to move into a small apartment with the kids and get a low-paying job.

Which is why it’s so important for women to have careers that are as equally valued as their husband’s and have their own money OR to get a prenup where she is paid a salary throughout the marriage and gets more than 50% if the husband cheats.

[Anonymous]

Even when both spouses work, the simple fact is that the money that supports one household doesn't go as far when it's supporting two. So ending a marriage can mean significant changes to lifestyle, affects kids. Sometimes people make practical choices or close their eyes to things because taking action also impacts them significantly. People are trapped between a rock and a hard place.

I'm not saying I would make the same choice, just that it's understandable.

[Anonymous]

You're stupid, OP, if you forget that women are by and large not the breadwinners in their households, and must therefore make certain compromises in order to keep a lifestyle they may be used to. Equally important, women are more likely than men to care about the psychological wellbeing of their children, and work to ensure that they grow up in a stable household with both parents.

We are still in a patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're stupid, OP, if you forget that women are by and large not the breadwinners in their households, and must therefore make certain compromises in order to keep a lifestyle they may be used to. Equally important, women are more likely than men to care about the psychological wellbeing of their children, and work to ensure that they grow up in a stable household with both parents.

We are still in a patriarchy.

Exactly this

[Anonymous]

I did. He cheated while I was pregnant/postpartum.

Honestly the three years or so after that I was so depressed I could barely function. I was a zombie and just did my best to go to work and take care of the kids. There was absolutely no way I had the capacity for a divorce, moving out, etc.

After those 3 years I just stopped caring about marriage entirely. What am I gonna do even if we split? I don’t want another man. I don’t want to get married ever again. So I stayed together because it’s just easier with the kids.

But now I basically live my own life. I don’t care if he cheats again. I put myself first, and once the kids are out of the house, I plan to have a silent divorce where I just go do whatever I want.

We still have a relationship. We still have sex, go on dates, have fun, and try to set an example for the kids. I don’t think he’s cheated ever again, he freaked out after he saw how depressed I was and did a ton of therapy.

I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s almost like, if we had divorced, I would have had boyfriends for fun and companionship, but they would have never been a top priority. Since that’s what I would have done, I just did that with my H instead. We have fun, but there’s not a lot of emotion on my end and I don’t prioritize him.

I also flirt a LOT with other men. I know people will say two wrong don’t make a right, but it actually does help me a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. He cheated while I was pregnant/postpartum.

Honestly the three years or so after that I was so depressed I could barely function. I was a zombie and just did my best to go to work and take care of the kids. There was absolutely no way I had the capacity for a divorce, moving out, etc.

After those 3 years I just stopped caring about marriage entirely. What am I gonna do even if we split? I don’t want another man. I don’t want to get married ever again. So I stayed together because it’s just easier with the kids.

But now I basically live my own life. I don’t care if he cheats again. I put myself first, and once the kids are out of the house, I plan to have a silent divorce where I just go do whatever I want.

We still have a relationship. We still have sex, go on dates, have fun, and try to set an example for the kids. I don’t think he’s cheated ever again, he freaked out after he saw how depressed I was and did a ton of therapy.

I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s almost like, if we had divorced, I would have had boyfriends for fun and companionship, but they would have never been a top priority. Since that’s what I would have done, I just did that with my H instead. We have fun, but there’s not a lot of emotion on my end and I don’t prioritize him.

I also flirt a LOT with other men. I know people will say two wrong don’t make a right, but it actually does help me a lot.

Wow. I think you deserve more than this but thank you for explaining how it works.

[Anonymous]

Most women have terribly low self esteem and a high need to fit in socially which means having a husband for so many woman having a man is paramount doesn't matter how he treats her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

You’re citing one example. Men stay too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

You’re citing one example. Men stay too.

Correct, it all depends on what every human prioritizes. The gender doesn't matter.

OP is a troll looking to start a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women have terribly low self esteem and a high need to fit in socially which means having a husband for so many woman having a man is paramount doesn't matter how he treats her.

What kind of women do you know? This doesn't describe me or most of my divorced friends...

[Anonymous]

I’ll get crucified on here probably for being so pathetic and not pro 50/50 but I was very purposeful about wanting a family and raising children. The idea that I lose half their childhood to a cheater is more unpalatable than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. He cheated while I was pregnant/postpartum.

Honestly the three years or so after that I was so depressed I could barely function. I was a zombie and just did my best to go to work and take care of the kids. There was absolutely no way I had the capacity for a divorce, moving out, etc.

After those 3 years I just stopped caring about marriage entirely. What am I gonna do even if we split? I don’t want another man. I don’t want to get married ever again. So I stayed together because it’s just easier with the kids.

But now I basically live my own life. I don’t care if he cheats again. I put myself first, and once the kids are out of the house, I plan to have a silent divorce where I just go do whatever I want.

We still have a relationship. We still have sex, go on dates, have fun, and try to set an example for the kids. I don’t think he’s cheated ever again, he freaked out after he saw how depressed I was and did a ton of therapy.

I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s almost like, if we had divorced, I would have had boyfriends for fun and companionship, but they would have never been a top priority. Since that’s what I would have done, I just did that with my H instead. We have fun, but there’s not a lot of emotion on my end and I don’t prioritize him.

I also flirt a LOT with other men. I know people will say two wrong don’t make a right, but it actually does help me a lot.

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you give your DH a second chance? There was a recently a video which went viral about a firefighter who exposed his charging wife during his 40th birthday celebration. He recently filed for divorce. I would have done the same and many men I know would have done the same as well.

But why do women sometimes desperately try to keep a cheating spouse? If my wife cheats she is gone. We will share custody and be civil about it. We will sell our homes and buy new ones. We will continue savings for college etc. I just don't understand why do women feel the need to fight for a cheater.

You’re citing one example. Men stay too.

There’s a fetish for everything!