Three private school rejections

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our kid doesn’t mask his behaviors and this has nothing to do with our friends. We are very proud of our DS. Please. There’s no need to be rude or make insensitive comments.

We have approached schools openly about our kids diagnosis. DS doesn’t need academic supports (now) but DS struggles figuring out some social norms. DS has an IEP and the only reason we were worried about Deal was the size of the school but the feedback I’m hearing is encouraging.

If other families thinking about private for their high functioning kids are reading this, I would concur with previous comments that these schools don’t have the resources or desire to support kids with minor quirky behaviors, even if they are gifted, on grade level or above, and have strong teacher recommendations. We’ve learned this the hard way despite working with a consultant and being transparent with schools during open houses.

+1 private schools definitely do not have the resources. Whether or not they have the desire is moot. McLean is a perfect example of a school that understands just how many resources can be needed for one diagnosis and is open about not being able to support others. Another poster sent a child to Field and later regretted it. This outcome is arguably worse for all than Field being realistic about its ability to support a student.

I'm the pp who regrets sending my kid to field and I completely agree with the bolded. One of the reasons that I'm upset at field is that they promised us specific accommodations and support -- we shared the neuropsych and IEP and discussed it in detail -- and then failed to live up to their promises. A rejection would have been much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, I wouldn’t disclose the ASD to the independent schools until a while after DC started. They won't notice during the interview process.

I work at an independent school that says it can't accommodate kids with ASD but in reality, we have so many kids who are neurodivergent. Many have never been diagnosed. Your kid will would be completely fine. You just need to get through the door right now.

This is terrible advice. Not disclosing can lead to a situation where the kid is asked to leave. Much better to be transparent upfront and be rejected than to be asked to leave later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s son has social deficits. Quote: “ DS struggles figuring out some social norms”, yet the OP applied to schools well known to not provide social support.
Did your advisor recommend any schools that can support your son in his areas of struggle?
Have you researched Templeton, Sycamore, Newton, or Parkmont?
Send your kid to a school that will be proud of having him! A school that only tolerates students on the spectrum as long as they don’t act or look autistic is not a good fit.
Start by getting a new advisor, OP!

I'd add Fusion, Oakwood, Commonwealth, Linder, Lab

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s son has social deficits. Quote: “ DS struggles figuring out some social norms”, yet the OP applied to schools well known to not provide social support.
Did your advisor recommend any schools that can support your son in his areas of struggle?
Have you researched Templeton, Sycamore, Newton, or Parkmont?
Send your kid to a school that will be proud of having him! A school that only tolerates students on the spectrum as long as they don’t act or look autistic is not a good fit.
Start by getting a new advisor, OP!

I'd add Fusion, Oakwood, Commonwealth, Linder, Lab

Not Lab. They don't accept autistic students.

I'd add Sycamore to this list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I may be the outlier here, but I parent a neurodivergent kid who did fantastic at Deal. And another who is ASD & dyslexia at a private.

But I think Deal is great for kids who are on grade level. And I know a ton of families with IEPs there who also had great experiences. Deal is so big there are lots of kids who will have similar profiles to your son. So many clubs. So many activities. So many kids lacking any social skills.

If my private school 4th grader wasn’t so far behind academically I’d definitely send them to Deal. They would find their people.

This comports with my experience as well (albeit not at Deal). For kids on the spectrum who are on track academically, DCPS works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our kid doesn’t mask his behaviors and this has nothing to do with our friends. We are very proud of our DS. Please. There’s no need to be rude or make insensitive comments.

We have approached schools openly about our kids diagnosis. DS doesn’t need academic supports (now) but DS struggles figuring out some social norms. DS has an IEP and the only reason we were worried about Deal was the size of the school but the feedback I’m hearing is encouraging.

If other families thinking about private for their high functioning kids are reading this, I would concur with previous comments that these schools don’t have the resources or desire to support kids with minor quirky behaviors, even if they are gifted, on grade level or above, and have strong teacher recommendations. We’ve learned this the hard way despite working with a consultant and being transparent with schools during open houses.

Depends what you mean by “quirky” and “struggling to figure out social norms.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, I wouldn’t disclose the ASD to the independent schools until a while after DC started. They won't notice during the interview process.

I work at an independent school that says it can't accommodate kids with ASD but in reality, we have so many kids who are neurodivergent. Many have never been diagnosed. Your kid will would be completely fine. You just need to get through the door right now.

This is terrible advice. Not disclosing can lead to a situation where the kid is asked to leave. Much better to be transparent upfront and be rejected than to be asked to leave later on.

+1. I get really REALLY annoyed at all the mainstream private school parents who claim “oh, 50% of the kids at our Big3 are neurodivergent! It will be fine! So common!”

It’s just totally false. While there may be a small cohort of actually autistic kids at top privates, they’re mostly likely very mildly affected and never had behavioral issues, and were accepted prior to the diagnosis. The rest are all extremely mild ADHD or “ADHD.” Kids like mine (and possibly OP’s) who are gifted but visibly spectrumy even if not disruptive (stimming, prosody, eye contact differences, etc) will not get past an interview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s son has social deficits. Quote: “ DS struggles figuring out some social norms”, yet the OP applied to schools well known to not provide social support.
Did your advisor recommend any schools that can support your son in his areas of struggle?
Have you researched Templeton, Sycamore, Newton, or Parkmont?
Send your kid to a school that will be proud of having him! A school that only tolerates students on the spectrum as long as they don’t act or look autistic is not a good fit.
Start by getting a new advisor, OP!

I'd add Fusion, Oakwood, Commonwealth, Linder, Lab

Not Lab. They don't accept autistic students.

I'd add Sycamore to this list.

conversely, Lab is a school for language disorders and many kids on the spectrum are adept with language and would be poorly served at Lab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, I wouldn’t disclose the ASD to the independent schools until a while after DC started. They won't notice during the interview process.

I work at an independent school that says it can't accommodate kids with ASD but in reality, we have so many kids who are neurodivergent. Many have never been diagnosed. Your kid will would be completely fine. You just need to get through the door right now.

This is terrible advice. Not disclosing can lead to a situation where the kid is asked to leave. Much better to be transparent upfront and be rejected than to be asked to leave later on.

+1. I get really REALLY annoyed at all the mainstream private school parents who claim “oh, 50% of the kids at our Big3 are neurodivergent! It will be fine! So common!”

It’s just totally false. While there may be a small cohort of actually autistic kids at top privates, they’re mostly likely very mildly affected and never had behavioral issues, and were accepted prior to the diagnosis. The rest are all extremely mild ADHD or “ADHD.” Kids like mine (and possibly OP’s) who are gifted but visibly spectrumy even if not disruptive (stimming, prosody, eye contact differences, etc) will not get past an interview.

Agreed. I have one AuDHD kid at a SN school who would never be successful in a mainstream private school because their support needs -- EF, social, academic -- are too high, and an ADHD kid who is thriving in such a school because all they need is basic accommodations. Picking a school means being ruthlessly honest, with yourself and any prospective school, about your child's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We worked with an educational consultant. DS IEP is lightweight because it only has 3 hours of services per month focused on executive functioning and social communication. No academic supports. We applied to McLean after meeting with Admissions and getting their OK to proceed. We are in NW DC but would consider moving to be in-boundary to Tilden MS which has a 2e program. The other schools were Field and Burke.

You keep saying lightweight but as someone else said an IEP is not lightweight, a 504 is. Keep him in a public school where they have to legally accommodate him. Or apply to lab.

[Anonymous]

What about Barrie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We worked with an educational consultant. DS IEP is lightweight because it only has 3 hours of services per month focused on executive functioning and social communication. No academic supports. We applied to McLean after meeting with Admissions and getting their OK to proceed. We are in NW DC but would consider moving to be in-boundary to Tilden MS which has a 2e program. The other schools were Field and Burke.

We were you a couple years ago (rejected at almost the same 3 schools as you) but we were already in MCPS (IEP less lightweight, but still not enough to qualify for 2e or Aspergers programs). Look at Nora, Parkmont and Templeton. Also, fire your educational consultant.

[Anonymous]

We have a somewhat similar kid at Diener for middle with plans for Parkmont or Nora for high school.

[Anonymous]

The challenge is that we are all becoming much more aware of the wide spectrum of kids with a variety of these conditions. I have an ADHD/ASD/dyslexic kid. It’s confusing that the schools who serve kids with adhd and dyslexia won’t serve mine. And they likely have other kids on the spectrum amongst those currently in their classes. They’re just not diagnosed. Continuing to serve ONLY one of these types of kids may not be sustainable as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

We have an AuADHD kid that left public for a smaller private (not special needs) for middle school.

I’m not sure we made the right decision. Smaller schools make it much harder to make friends and you are more likely to stand out as socially awkward with small classes. Plus, a lot of those kids (at private) have been together since K and it’s a hard social scene to break into - regardless of special needs.

Ivymount and other special needs schools are not appropriate for a kid with a light IEP. I think you should feel comfortable sending your kid to public middle. We are in APS, so the middle school would have been the same size as Deal. The big size will give your kid more opportunities for friendship. All parents worry about this jump and understandably, you have reason to worry more. But I think you will find that it works out best for your child.