How to deal with larger family after false accusation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- back for more abuse. I guess you’ve affirmed my choice to have nothing to do with them going forward. Not that your collective opinions would be a deciding factor, but the feedback is of interest.

To clarify:
1. accusing family told. They just denied it was possible and wouldn’t discuss it.
2. grandparents told. They know and believe my son is innocent.
3. I still don’t know what all the cousins know, they are not local and we were dispersed by the time the issue came up. I’m assuming they will know eventually, but being my in-law family, I’m not calling them all.
4. accused son and I will not join any events that family unit attends. Call us horrible, but I’m not going to try and control who the rest of our family sees. Not going to tell husband not to see parents.

As a few PPs noted, this will eventually blow up for them because they clearly have bigger problems.

Probably won’t reply any more. Thanks for your input.

You’re throwing your kid under the bus by denying him access to his cousins?

You suck as a parent.

[Anonymous]

It’s very possible nothing was stolen at all from this rental and the owners are running a scam. I got accused of this once. It took a lot of pushback for the owners to drop their request for money. Now I video tape everything on arrival. You could have seen something perfectly innocent with your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im biting. Not sure where the idea we didn’t didn’t speak up comes from. Of course we told them. And grandparents. I just didn’t call the extended family who were not part of the original phone conversations. If my kids knew that cousin has issues, I’m sure a number of the other cousins do too.

Because you did not say it in your OP, and the 2nd response in this thread asked very directly, did you tell? Instead, you ignored that and responded to a different poster. Posters continued to ask, and you responded a 2nd time in the thread without clarifying if you said what you saw. Then, finally, after more people asked you, you respond - Of course I spoke up. Certainly, you can understand where people would get the idea that you didn't speak up. And certainly, you can understand that now, posters might not believe you.

[Anonymous]

Your BIL and SIL are trying to “ban” your son from family gatherings and you won’t send an email to the group clearing his name? This is insanity to me.

[Anonymous]

ETA, you don’t have to throw gambler nephew under the bus in the email. But exonerating your son from this false accusation is a must.

[Anonymous]

I would not bow out of family meet-ups. That makes your son look guilty plus denies him family time with everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not bow out of family meet-ups. That makes your son look guilty plus denies him family time with everyone.

Yes, just ignore bil and sil and the two cousins can ignore each other too.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't stay at the same property as I wouldn't want to be accused again. If asked why, I would tell the truth. I wouldn't force my kid to spend time with these loons and would stay at home with him if he didn't want to go. If he wanted to go, I would NOT leave him alone with these people.

But TBH I'd be disappointed that DH didn't dip on his whole family for this. I'd be annoyed he hadn't resolved it with them directly.

[Anonymous]

No more shared spaces. Speak up, pay and leave. Were there cameras.

[Anonymous]

A lot of Air B&Bs have surveillance cameras. Any chance you can reach out to owners and ask for footage showing individual hauling the stuff to his car? I'm sure they saved it as evidence. Explain you need the footage to exonerate the individual getting blamed.

Send a photo to DH's siblings and other adult relatives, and offer to send copy of entire footage if they want it. Yeah, it'll embarrass the accusers, but they put you on the spot and you have no choice but to defend your son in this case.

[Anonymous]

Has everyone checked their wallets for missing cash? The small appliance theft is odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- husband supports son. Spoke with his parents. They believe our son. I’m not sure which other cousins/aunts and uncles know at this point. Husband reserved a separate place for anniversary party. Will show up day of for parents. Older son can do same if he wants or skip it. I’m not interested in making everyone take sides and ruin anniversary party. At that point everyone will know why. Younger son and I will not go; grandparents understand.

Thanks for various suggestions. I support my husband visiting with his family. One family unit with problems shouldn’t prevent being with everyone else.

Going forward, I do not want to spend anytime with the accusing family, even if it means missing Christmas at my in-laws, which has been fun over the years. Hope I am justified in this and it’s not over-reaction.

This is not an overreaction- and seems diplomatic. I'm surprised that the other family won't even entertain that their DS stole and lied about it. It's a shame that it's your DS who is going to miss the gatherings while the lying cousin gets to attend.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell them to talk to the nephew because you saw it. If that didn't resolve it I'd go directly to the nephew and let him know in no uncertain terms that you're going to beat him to a pulp if he tries to continue this lie. Then I'd beat him senseless if it didn't get sorted.

[Anonymous]

Op, ask the rental owners if they have exterior video….?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you haven’t told everyone that you witnessed the nephew steal the items?

I hope you’re a troll.

If not, you’re insane and a horrible mother.

This. Seriously. I feel horrible for your son, having you more worried about yourself than standing up and straight out saying what you saw. Shame on you, lady.