When do you fully step back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she is 18 they probably don’t have enough money for a hotel in a better area

As a mom I would pay the difference to get a hotel in a safer area

+1 18 is also still very young. I would definitely give my input but if that’s what they can afford not much you can do other than canceling the trip.

[Anonymous]

Is she broke and paying for what she can afford?

[Anonymous]

Let her live
Hope all works out for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she broke and paying for what she can afford?

She is not broke, her friend has less money so it is tricky. I did offer to pay more but they have not found anything that is not a lot more (which i can’t really justify bc I am already giving her lots of money on top of her good savings)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she is 18 they probably don’t have enough money for a hotel in a better area

As a mom I would pay the difference to get a hotel in a safer area

I did offer that. The issue is hotels that are solid and fine but not a fortune are already booked. Everything else is much more.

[Anonymous]

In some states you have to be 21+ to check into a hotel room (as my 19-yo learned the hard way)…

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

I’m 36. Don’t step back. Your daughter will eventually thank you for it.

At your daughters age, my mom gave me freedom to go where I wanted to go, but if she didn’t like the hotel, she offered to pay/help pay for a better one.

[Anonymous]

I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am struggling with this transition. Dd is going with a friend on a trip and they picked a hotel. She asked me for input and at first it looked fine but I looked into it further and turns out the area is not good at all. Do you prohibit her from staying there? Do you just warn her and say it's up to her? I did the latter but I am not sure I should have been firmer. Or was I wrong for even looking into it in the first place and I need to just not even research?

Do you still wipe her nose and her a$$?

[Anonymous]

When she says, "Mom, what do you think of this hotel?" You say something like, "Check the reviews and make sure the area is safe. Check the cost of parking too--sometimes they gouge you on that." Then you let her do it. You don't do the checking for her. She's an adult.

This. Don't dictate, just give pointers on how to "adult". I would also share stories from my own time travelling as a college student and how to be situationally aware. I am remembering getting propositioned by a seedy hostel manager in Amsterdam. Tell her actual experiences of yours and friends and how those situations were navigated successfully (or not). Most important thing for young women travelling is to learn to trust your gut and not feel obligated to just "be nice".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

Why is this a struggle? You are done. You said your piece, she heard you speak, enough. If you hassle her, this is the last time she'll tell you about where she's staying.

Sincerely,
Someone whose mother is like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

Why is this a struggle? You are done. You said your piece, she heard you speak, enough. If you hassle her, this is the last time she'll tell you about where she's staying.

Sincerely,
Someone whose mother is like you

Respectfully, I doubt I am like your mom because I do enjoy meddling and giving opinions. I would like for dd to handle things more independently especially with decision making because she is so indecisive and also can be passive about making decisions, so she relies on others including me a lot to decide for her when it comes to things big and small. In this case the girls just feel like it's fine, we're done and we don't want to look for another hotel. This is partly due to cost (despite my saying I'd help more) and partly not wanting to bother with looking. But once there, what if they do not feel safe? Who will solve the issue? I have a strong feeling it is going to be me and I would rather that not happen. So I am really thinking not intervening now will backfire later if that makes sense, while also having NO desire to intervene because I'd like for her to figure things out more. That is my big struggle with dd at this in-between age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would advise her it’s a bad area and let her make up her mind. In college friends and I stayed in plenty of sketchy places I wouldn’t now going on vacation and survived.

OP- I posted several times that I DID offer to pay more towards a better hotel, and I think posters are not seeing it somehow because they keep advising to do what I already did. I already gave her money for the trip as well, plus she has savings. Her friend has less money. At this point all the cheapish options in better areas are booked so it'd be an extra 500+ for me to pay. I would not be happy about it (considering she has 2k from me already and that's after flight I already paid for) but if they felt strongly about it I would pay it. Instead they have the opposite attitude and do not seem concerned. So it's a real struggle for me figuring out how much to press.

Why is this a struggle? You are done. You said your piece, she heard you speak, enough. If you hassle her, this is the last time she'll tell you about where she's staying.

Sincerely,
Someone whose mother is like you

Respectfully, I doubt I am like your mom because I do enjoy meddling and giving opinions. I would like for dd to handle things more independently especially with decision making because she is so indecisive and also can be passive about making decisions, so she relies on others including me a lot to decide for her when it comes to things big and small. In this case the girls just feel like it's fine, we're done and we don't want to look for another hotel. This is partly due to cost (despite my saying I'd help more) and partly not wanting to bother with looking. But once there, what if they do not feel safe? Who will solve the issue? I have a strong feeling it is going to be me and I would rather that not happen. So I am really thinking not intervening now will backfire later if that makes sense, while also having NO desire to intervene because I'd like for her to figure things out more. That is my big struggle with dd at this in-between age.

^^I do NOT enjoy!!