Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

I don't see any problem with outsourcing it but wanting to do it just for yourself is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

He’s ADHD and there’s no way he’d be able to do that. I’d press the issue but he already takes medication, does therapy, and really tries hard. He’s just not gonna be able to multitask like that.

I'm the one who suggested that and I have ADHD. I don't think of it as doing two things at once. I put the chicken in the oven to bake, check the time, and then start washing everything dirty. Then I hang out for a while, get a plate ready, then take the chicken out. Maybe his ADHD is much more severe than mine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

Rip off the bandage and get a divorce!

[Anonymous]

I’ve known people who do this. I can’t imagine it for me, my kids need my support and healthy cooking to focus on their studies. They often help cook and clean, too. Maybe that should be a group effort instead of your job.

[Anonymous]

oh hell no. If you cook- you do dishes! DH and I both cook 50% of the time. He makes a massive mess and uses 4 pots every time. I make just as nice of a dinner in a sheet pan or use one pot. I refuse to clean up that mess.

How do you get food delivery? I would order from restaurants but the salt and fat is out of control. I just want regular, home cooked meals delivered to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

It could be put more charitably than this, but +1. What’s next? Are you opting out of jeans for sweatpants because they’re too much work, or bathing because you just get dirty and have to shower again every day? That’s life! Opt out if you dare.

I dare! You wear jeans around the house when you are taking care of family business? Why, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

You should not be a parent.
You should not be a wife.
You should live alone in a reclusive environment. You’ll be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

It could be put more charitably than this, but +1. What’s next? Are you opting out of jeans for sweatpants because they’re too much work, or bathing because you just get dirty and have to shower again every day? That’s life! Opt out if you dare.

I dare! You wear jeans around the house when you are taking care of family business? Why, exactly?

My dad does and always has. He’d change out of his suit into a shirt and jeans, and start cooking dinner, doing laundry, helping with homework, etc. He only wears sweatpants when home sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

You should not be a parent.
You should not be a wife.
You should live alone in a reclusive environment. You’ll be happier.

OP. True, I don’t like being a wife. I do enjoy my kids, though.

I think the ideal is if it was just my kids and me. I’d downsize and simplify. But with H we need a bigger house, more food, etc. and unfortunately since H isn’t career focused, it lands on me.

Which is fine. I actually really love working. But I hate working AND having to care for another adult.

[Anonymous]

It seems like this boils down to you resenting your husband for making less than you and still expecting you to be the dutiful cooking and cleaning wife.
I've been there.
My solution was to cut way back at work so I have more time at home. In turn he had to step out of his comfort zone and get a better job. Not very feminist but our marriage is way better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like this boils down to you resenting your husband for making less than you and still expecting you to be the dutiful cooking and cleaning wife.
I've been there.
My solution was to cut way back at work so I have more time at home. In turn he had to step out of his comfort zone and get a better job. Not very feminist but our marriage is way better.

OP. It’s not so much I resent him - he does do 50%, which I appreciate.

I have just realized I don’t like cooking or cleaning. I didn’t like it before kids and intentionally set up my life in a way I didn’t do them much (very minimalist, ate the same 3 meals over and over).

It’s much harder with kids because they won’t eat the same 3 things unless it’s kids food, and there’s so much more to clean.

So I just want to get back to where I don’t cook and clean very much.

Scaling back at work isn’t an option for me. I love work, I would be absolutely miserable cutting back so I could clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

You should not be a parent.
You should not be a wife.
You should live alone in a reclusive environment. You’ll be happier.

OP. True, I don’t like being a wife. I do enjoy my kids, though.

I think the ideal is if it was just my kids and me. I’d downsize and simplify. But with H we need a bigger house, more food, etc. and unfortunately since H isn’t career focused, it lands on me.

Which is fine. I actually really love working. But I hate working AND having to care for another adult.

You can definitely outsource for meals, or do meal kits, or get a housekeeper. But if you want a marriage, you don’t get meals just for yourself and not your family and yes that includes the spouse. You yourself said he does 50 percent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

You should not be a parent.
You should not be a wife.
You should live alone in a reclusive environment. You’ll be happier.

DP. You cannot put them back, ya know? And why is being a wife thought of as someone who cleans and cooks forever and for everybody. I recently saw a meme about a wife in the kitchen with a text "I never thought that once I marry it means I'll have to cook until you die". I mean seriously. Nobody thinks of a husband like that. I'm with the OP. I also don't like to cook nor to clean. But I can cook and I am clean, I just use very few things (as someone said, their DH uses 4 pots-pans every time), which means I mostly have to cook for others and clean after others. It also irks me that DH eats about 4x as much as I do, which means if I'd just cook for myself, I could eat for a week from what I cook once, not one day. I think a lot of wives stop cooking daily once the nest is empty.

[Anonymous]

OP is unhappy with her life.

WPP