Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?

[Anonymous]

I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you.

I've half-opted out. I'm certainly not cooking elaborate meals. Once my kids leave home that's it. I'm done.

[Anonymous]

On the odd occasion when I wonder whether I would have been happier married with kids, I think about the thousands - tens of thousands? - of hours that I didn’t spend housekeeping cooking shopping laundering etc. for kids AND a grown ass man engaging in weaponized incompetence.

I wouldn’t have minded caring for kids, and I would have been teaching them the life skills early so they could pitch in and not be like their entitled daddy. I would have seethed with rage over every moment I spent doing an unfair division of household labor so my husband could buy his leisure at my expense and I would have found him physically répugnant and emotionally and intellectually uninteresting because how does one love one’s oppressor?

I don’t get how men don’t figure this out. I guess they do and just don’t care. It’s all so disgusting.

I’m a tidy person by nature and don’t mind cleaning up after myself and the dog who is always happy to give me love and affection. I cook elaborate meals when I want and have popcorn for dinner when I don’t - it’s actually a very healthy meal if you don’t drown it in butter.

I’m angry that the vast majority of women have to suck up the servitude if they want kids and a dual income household. Women need to start raising better sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the odd occasion when I wonder whether I would have been happier married with kids, I think about the thousands - tens of thousands? - of hours that I didn’t spend housekeeping cooking shopping laundering etc. for kids AND a grown ass man engaging in weaponized incompetence.

I wouldn’t have minded caring for kids, and I would have been teaching them the life skills early so they could pitch in and not be like their entitled daddy. I would have seethed with rage over every moment I spent doing an unfair division of household labor so my husband could buy his leisure at my expense and I would have found him physically répugnant and emotionally and intellectually uninteresting because how does one love one’s oppressor?

I don’t get how men don’t figure this out. I guess they do and just don’t care. It’s all so disgusting.

I’m a tidy person by nature and don’t mind cleaning up after myself and the dog who is always happy to give me love and affection. I cook elaborate meals when I want and have popcorn for dinner when I don’t - it’s actually a very healthy meal if you don’t drown it in butter.

I’m angry that the vast majority of women have to suck up the servitude if they want kids and a dual income household. Women need to start raising better sons.

NP married with one kid (stopped before it escalated!) and one DH (should have stopped before that one!) and one dog (need more!) and everything you wrote here is true and validating and I needed to read your perspective tonight. You make me feel less crazy and you have my admiration and respect.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

[Anonymous]

I loved cooking when I was single and early in my marriage but after 25 years of being the sole cook and having to work within a tiny kitchen I am ready to be done. I now cook a real meal 2 nights a week. I do a quick assembly meal or heat up something from the freezer most nights and don’t feel guilty. My goal is just for us to sit down together and share a meal. When I am stressed or exhausted, we bring in pizza, salads or Cava. It does add up but I’m done cooking nightly. DH misses my cooking but he is also welcome to cook and chooses not to. I don’t make a big deal because I wouldn’t like what he’d cook anyway and I’d be left with a mess to clean up.

I wish hiring someone to clean the house was an option but it’s very expensive and DH will not get on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

i think the solution here is that the cooker cleans, that way there is incentive not to make a big mess. my husband does "clean" after dinner, but never all the way (leaves things in sink, doesn't get ALL the items used in the sink/dishwasher, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

i think the solution here is that the cooker cleans, that way there is incentive not to make a big mess. my husband does "clean" after dinner, but never all the way (leaves things in sink, doesn't get ALL the items used in the sink/dishwasher, etc.).

I’m the husband and do all the cooking. I buy all my dinner ingredients too. And you expect me to do the dinner cleanup on top of all that? And then hear the complaint that it’s never “all the way”?

[Anonymous]

You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the odd occasion when I wonder whether I would have been happier married with kids, I think about the thousands - tens of thousands? - of hours that I didn’t spend housekeeping cooking shopping laundering etc. for kids AND a grown ass man engaging in weaponized incompetence.

I wouldn’t have minded caring for kids, and I would have been teaching them the life skills early so they could pitch in and not be like their entitled daddy. I would have seethed with rage over every moment I spent doing an unfair division of household labor so my husband could buy his leisure at my expense and I would have found him physically répugnant and emotionally and intellectually uninteresting because how does one love one’s oppressor?

I don’t get how men don’t figure this out. I guess they do and just don’t care. It’s all so disgusting.

I’m a tidy person by nature and don’t mind cleaning up after myself and the dog who is always happy to give me love and affection. I cook elaborate meals when I want and have popcorn for dinner when I don’t - it’s actually a very healthy meal if you don’t drown it in butter.

I’m angry that the vast majority of women have to suck up the servitude if they want kids and a dual income household. Women need to start raising better sons.

Dads have no role here?

[Anonymous]

Let’s get real for a second.

Your life sounds wildly out of balance and this is just a symptom of a deeper malaise. If basic tasks like cleaning and making supper for your family is overwhelming you, you need to really take a look at what your life and reevaluate some of your choices. This isn’t about a housekeeper and a meal prep kit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

+1 I was struck by that too. The bean counting and grudge holding is so unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Rich people have hired other people to make food and clean up from time immemorial. If you can afford it, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

+1 I was struck by that too. The bean counting and grudge holding is so unhealthy.

This surprised me too! Why wouldn’t you include your husband? And how the heck to divide expenses? We just combine everything.