Anyone opt out of cooking and cleaning?

[Anonymous]

I did for one day once. My family called me passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

OP - I get it. I've been a parent for 22 years and meal planning/cooking/cleaning sucks for sure. BUT....it seems you have little kids. They won't (and shouldn't!!!) eat sandwiches for dinner for the rest of their lives. They deserve an opportunity to have a well rounded diet and try all kinds of foods. They also deserve a family that works together, sits down, eats the same meal, and shows love for one another. Love is not shown by ordering yourself a meal service and telling everyone else to figure it the f out on their own. The kids should be helping you cook, shop, and plan. You shoul dbe talking to your husband about how to manage this together. This is how you raise adults.

You sound beyond selfish and immature. You're not setting a good example of what it is to be a family.
Outsource cleaning, absolutely split duties with your husband and kids. Put on music, pour a glass of wine or cup of tea, and enjoy these years because you will miss them (or maybe not, from the sounds of your personality).

[Anonymous]

If you can afford to opt out of cooking and cleaning - do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

i think the solution here is that the cooker cleans, that way there is incentive not to make a big mess. my husband does "clean" after dinner, but never all the way (leaves things in sink, doesn't get ALL the items used in the sink/dishwasher, etc.).

I’m the husband and do all the cooking. I buy all my dinner ingredients too. And you expect me to do the dinner cleanup on top of all that? And then hear the complaint that it’s never “all the way”?

+1 I’m cooking all the dinners for these people. It would be outrageous to have a set-up where DH and the kids sat around after dinner while I went back to chores. Families who don’t teach kids to do the dishes/counters/ put leftovers away are doing them a huge disservice. And DH of course expects to clean up if the kids are out, same way he did before we had kids.

[Anonymous]

Did you not realize when you decided to have kids that they would need to eat 3+ times a day, need clean clothes, would make a mess because they aren’t yet trained adults? Sorry but you need to suck it up right now. Nobody is thrilled with the slog of daily life. Dh and I work full time, I’m taking night classes, and we just all pitch in with what we can do. No you can’t just hang up the towel and get a meal plan for SOME of your family and not everyone. That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Realistically, no you can't order meal delivery just for yourself and not your spouse/kids without throwing a big old bomb into your marriage.

Unless you have a ton of money cleaning services don't really cover daily stuff like dishes.

You'd be well served by one pot/one pan/slow cooker meals which minimize cleanup. Big messy dinners can be limited. I had this very early on with my spouse once we became parents he made this big fancy meal because I was struggling to eat when I came home from giving birth but A) didn't end up eating much because kid wanted to nurse and it got cold and B) then there was a huge mess in the kitchen. So I asked him to rethink the strategy there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved cooking when I was single and early in my marriage but after 25 years of being the sole cook and having to work within a tiny kitchen I am ready to be done. I now cook a real meal 2 nights a week. I do a quick assembly meal or heat up something from the freezer most nights and don’t feel guilty. My goal is just for us to sit down together and share a meal. When I am stressed or exhausted, we bring in pizza, salads or Cava. It does add up but I’m done cooking nightly. DH misses my cooking but he is also welcome to cook and chooses not to. I don’t make a big deal because I wouldn’t like what he’d cook anyway and I’d be left with a mess to clean up.

I wish hiring someone to clean the house was an option but it’s very expensive and DH will not get on board.

+1

I’m the youngest of 3 and I remember my mom announcing that she was retired fr the kitchen when we came home from college in the summers. I do get it.

I have one more year of a kid at home and then it’s cereal for dinner or something. I’m no longer that hungry at night and prefer a big breakfast anyways.

I had boys so they eat a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

He’s ADHD and there’s no way he’d be able to do that. I’d press the issue but he already takes medication, does therapy, and really tries hard. He’s just not gonna be able to multitask like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

OP. It’s about $2k a month for me. I do freelance work, so I just have to pick up an extra gig and I’ll be able to afford it.

H isn’t career motivated and is happy with a job that doesn’t pay well. I’m okay with that, but I don’t want to have to pick up extra work to feed him.

[Anonymous]

I can’t even count the number of things that would have to go wrong in my marriage for this to seem like a sensible way to think about the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve realized over the last few months that I absolutely hate cooking and cleaning. I’ve been doing less of them, and the less I do, the happier I feel.

I didn’t mind them when I was single because it was just me and it took maybe 15 minutes a day. But I hate cleaning an entire house and trying to feed 4 people.

I’m heavily leaning towards just hiring a housekeeper and meal delivery services for myself. The kids are picky and I’m happy to spend 5 minutes making a sandwich and sliced veggies. H would have to fend for himself for dinner. I make more money than H and can afford meal delivery for myself but not for both of us (but if he wants to pay for his that’s fine).

Anyone done anything like this? H made dinner tonight, which means I’m on dish duty, but I’m looking at this massive pile of dishes, pots, pans, the blender is out, sauces and spills on the counter and floors, and just thinking….im tired of wasting hours of my life feeding and cleaning up after people.

I can see that you have big problems in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a slob. Everyone I know cleans as they go except one person who literally throws out dirty pots and pans after leaving them to rot for weeks, and buys new ones at Ross or Goodwill multiple times a year.

Also, you can use the aluminum tins that you just toss afterwards. I baked chicken in one today and tossed it out after. Stuffed shells last week and tossed it after. Cuts down on a lot of scrubbing.

Tell. your husband to clean while things are cooking.

i think the solution here is that the cooker cleans, that way there is incentive not to make a big mess. my husband does "clean" after dinner, but never all the way (leaves things in sink, doesn't get ALL the items used in the sink/dishwasher, etc.).

I’m the husband and do all the cooking. I buy all my dinner ingredients too. And you expect me to do the dinner cleanup on top of all that? And then hear the complaint that it’s never “all the way”?

not in your case, bc you cook all the time.

i cook all the time, too, and i don't complain, i just have to go back and finish cleaning the kitchen. it is not all that helpful for someone else to "clean the kitchen" if the cooker still has to go back and finish cleaning the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Yep. I'm in this boat. Feeding the last kid in high school and myself and DH is on his own. He can cook if he wants, nobody's holding him hostage. During the 25+ years I haven't had once an occasion where I sit down and the dinner is served to me (except take-out). I've heard it all: I don't know how, I don't want to, it's too difficult, it takes too much time, my mom didn't teach me how, I don't want to open a cookbook or look for a recipe online. Blah-blah model love and sitting down and women hovering... I'm showing my kids that if you choose to not cook as an adult, absolutely nobody will care whether you eat or not. There is no magic cooking fairy. I'd also rather sit on a couch and read news on my iPad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, tons of lazy and pathetic people on this post…

It could be put more charitably than this, but +1. What’s next? Are you opting out of jeans for sweatpants because they’re too much work, or bathing because you just get dirty and have to shower again every day? That’s life! Opt out if you dare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would seriously buy meal delivery for yourself but not your H and make him pay for it himself? Do you even like him? How do families like this manage?

OP. It’s about $2k a month for me. I do freelance work, so I just have to pick up an extra gig and I’ll be able to afford it.

H isn’t career motivated and is happy with a job that doesn’t pay well. I’m okay with that, but I don’t want to have to pick up extra work to feed him.

If you want a successful marriage, this isn’t the way to go. Sorry but the idea of feeding only yourself, telling husband he is on his own and kids get sliced veggies (!) is just not a realistic solution and will cause a lot of unnecessary strife.

If you need to do a meal delivery or pre made meals, it needs to be for all of you.

Otherwise I’d suggest having you and the kids do cleanup and the husband cook or vice versa, and switch to simpler meals like crockpot, omelets, one pan skillet dinners. There are entire cookbooks devoted to easy meals like sheet pan dinners.