If someone can’t host a play date because their home is too small…

[Anonymous]

No you can’t ask that.
If you want to ask if they can watch your kid a couple of hours I think you can reasonably say “ is there any way you could have Larla from 10-12 next Friday, I don’t mind what you do with her, if you want to go somewhere, it’s just that I have a gyn appt which I’m trying not to cancel, no worries either way”

If they don’t say yes, and you’ve had their kid, I’d take them off your friends list.

[Anonymous]

Is your house neat and all pulled together? They may have a small house that’s a mess and are embarrassed. Once I had kids my tidy tiny apartment without clutter became a disaster zone. I had some friends with equally messy houses and they would come over. But if your house looks instagram ready, we would meet at a park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No you can’t ask that.
If you want to ask if they can watch your kid a couple of hours I think you can reasonably say “ is there any way you could have Larla from 10-12 next Friday, I don’t mind what you do with her, if you want to go somewhere, it’s just that I have a gyn appt which I’m trying not to cancel, no worries either way”

If they don’t say yes, and you’ve had their kid, I’d take them off your friends list.

Drop them because they aren’t available during a very specific 2 hour window? That seems extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that would come off as really weird.

How small is this house that it can’t fit a child for a couple hours? Is this a house for ANTS?!

We had 5 of us in 1300 sq feet, 2 bedrooms. So, no sleepovers but we hosted play dates.

The issue is that the kids who are used to bigger spaces don’t know how to be in a smaller one, e.g. put away things immediately if you are not playing with them anymore, keep your stuff together and don’t spread out, furniture is not a part of a play set. It’s very stressful to host those “free spirits”.

Your threshold for "stress" seems miniscule. You have to supervise the playdates so that they can be tidy and not jump on the furniture. A play date is never without rules and supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your house neat and all pulled together? They may have a small house that’s a mess and are embarrassed. Once I had kids my tidy tiny apartment without clutter became a disaster zone. I had some friends with equally messy houses and they would come over. But if your house looks instagram ready, we would meet at a park.

Oof, this can be a factor. We live in a small 19th century rowhome that doesn't have much storage (only two closets in the entire house, no garage or space for a shed outdoors), and it just never looks as neat as the homes of our friends that are much bigger and newer. They generally have more kids' stuff than we do, they just also have more mudrooms, closets, and finished basements to hide it in.

That said, it doesn't stop me from having just the kids over. It does make me less likely to host larger all-ages gatherings if we don't know the family well.

But OP, playmates are for the kids, not for babysitting. If you feel like they're being used for babysitting (the other family is asking you to host at very specific times, the kids aren't enjoying them), feel free to say "no" or "we can't have anyone over that day because of my schedule, but Jr could go over to your place or the park with you if you want."

If you're actually doing the inviting because the kids are asking, and just upset that they're not reciprocating...just get over it? Be grateful for your big house and flexibility and host as much as you are comfortable doing to foster your kids' friendships.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies! I agree that I think something else is going on besides the small house. I actually suspect that her husband is dealing with some kind mental illness, but I don’t know her that well, so she hasn’t said anything.

The issue isn’t that she doesn’t reciprocate. She has taken my child to the zoo a couple of times. It’s that sometimes I have something else I want to do during the time the boys make plans to get together.

I’m okay leaving my son (9) alone, but I don’t want to leave both boys on their own for more than a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Claiming you have a small house is a poor excuse. Kids don’t care or take kids to the park. There are options.

[Anonymous]

I hosted playdates in my 700 sq ft apartment, then in my 1200 sq ft house.

But some people feel insecure about their homes.

[Anonymous]

i don't think there is a house too small for a play date.

if you don't want to host in your home, schedule a play date and take kids to a park or other place to play/do something.

not wanting to host because your house is "too small" sounds like a made up reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Thanks for the replies! I agree that I think something else is going on besides the small house. I actually suspect that her husband is dealing with some kind mental illness, but I don’t know her that well, so she hasn’t said anything.

The issue isn’t that she doesn’t reciprocate. She has taken my child to the zoo a couple of times. It’s that sometimes I have something else I want to do during the time the boys make plans to get together.

I’m okay leaving my son (9) alone, but I don’t want to leave both boys on their own for more than a few minutes.

Your son should check with you first and if he doesn't it is fine to cancel . This seems like the bigger issue.

[Anonymous]

No. They could host at a playground or whatever if they wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your house neat and all pulled together? They may have a small house that’s a mess and are embarrassed. Once I had kids my tidy tiny apartment without clutter became a disaster zone. I had some friends with equally messy houses and they would come over. But if your house looks instagram ready, we would meet at a park.

Oof, this can be a factor. We live in a small 19th century rowhome that doesn't have much storage (only two closets in the entire house, no garage or space for a shed outdoors), and it just never looks as neat as the homes of our friends that are much bigger and newer. They generally have more kids' stuff than we do, they just also have more mudrooms, closets, and finished basements to hide it in.

That said, it doesn't stop me from having just the kids over. It does make me less likely to host larger all-ages gatherings if we don't know the family well.

But OP, playmates are for the kids, not for babysitting. If you feel like they're being used for babysitting (the other family is asking you to host at very specific times, the kids aren't enjoying them), feel free to say "no" or "we can't have anyone over that day because of my schedule, but Jr could go over to your place or the park with you if you want."

If you're actually doing the inviting because the kids are asking, and just upset that they're not reciprocating...just get over it? Be grateful for your big house and flexibility and host as much as you are comfortable doing to foster your kids' friendships.

OP here. I don’t feel like I’m being used.
I am being asked to host at specific times because the kids have other stuff going on.

[Anonymous]

Outside of a studio apartment no home is too small for a play date. And parents can take the kids to the park or an activity if they don’t want to host in their home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Thanks for the replies! I agree that I think something else is going on besides the small house. I actually suspect that her husband is dealing with some kind mental illness, but I don’t know her that well, so she hasn’t said anything.

The issue isn’t that she doesn’t reciprocate. She has taken my child to the zoo a couple of times. It’s that sometimes I have something else I want to do during the time the boys make plans to get together.

I’m okay leaving my son (9) alone, but I don’t want to leave both boys on their own for more than a few minutes.

If you suspect her DH is having some mental health issues, then maybe the time your child spends with hers isn’t the time for you to schedule your other things. She may truly need the companionship from you during her time out of the house with her child. Does your child have drop off playdates with any other friends that you could use for running your own errands instead of this one friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Thanks for the replies! I agree that I think something else is going on besides the small house. I actually suspect that her husband is dealing with some kind mental illness, but I don’t know her that well, so she hasn’t said anything.

The issue isn’t that she doesn’t reciprocate. She has taken my child to the zoo a couple of times. It’s that sometimes I have something else I want to do during the time the boys make plans to get together.

I’m okay leaving my son (9) alone, but I don’t want to leave both boys on their own for more than a few minutes.

Oh. Then I think the solution is just "sorry, I won't be home/available then, let's talk about another time we can reschedule."

I say this to my 10 year old all. the. time. Because he asks to have friends over almost every day and we have other stuff going on in our lives. It's ok to say no!