When do looks and appearance play a part in popularity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From birth. Even in the NICU cuter babies get held more by nurses.

They all look alike at that age

[Anonymous]

Kindergarten

[Anonymous]

My middle daughter came home from preschool devastated that a girl told her "You can't play with us because your dress isn't fancy enough!"

She was wearing a t-shirt dress instead of a frilly one like the girl who made the comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My middle daughter came home from preschool devastated that a girl told her "You can't play with us because your dress isn't fancy enough!"

She was wearing a t-shirt dress instead of a frilly one like the girl who made the comment.

I have a junior in HS who has been in school with several of the same kids from two years old on, and that girl will be a total B basically forever. Personalities are evident very early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely from very early on. I've observed this each time with my 4 kids. Kids want to be around good looking kids (not talking about my own but watching the social dynamics).

And adults react differently to kids based on their looks, and subconsciously change their interactions with them. My DD had some very conventionally attractive children in her preschool class at a pk3-8th grade class and their popularity in HS had a linear relationship with how the teacher greeted them every morning in the hallway in 3s preschool. It is fascinating and awful all at once.

It makes a difference in the early grades even if I wish it didn’t. That early attention can create confidence and generate social approval that in turn creates popularity. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

I think the preschool greeting is part looks and part personality- if a child smiles wide, makes eye contact, looks thrilled to see you, but is still polite and walking into class instead of acting crazy- you're going to greet them more enthusiastically. Those are the kids who are social all stars, know how to act in different situations, and make people happy to see them. Of course if that kid is pretty, the effect is intensified. But are they pretty, or just clean and well dressed? At 3, it can be hard to really know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From birth. Even in the NICU cuter babies get held more by nurses.

The NICU babies can only be out of the incubators for certain amounts of time and it's usually a parent who holds them. The babies who get held the most by the NICU nurses are the ones who don't have a parent there, and are also PO feeding so need to be held to be fed. A PO feeder is also probably making eye contact, so the nurse will automatically smile at them as they feed them because its instinctual.

But yeah, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school based on what DD experienced.

In elementary the social pecking order was dictated by the moms, with the well put together moms from the wealthier neighborhood all becoming friends. Some of their kids were conventionally good looking but not all of them.

In middle school it was like all the good looking girls found each other and all the good looking and athletic boys found each other and became friends.

It's less jarring in high school as the kids are more mature and take a more well rounded view of who and what is cool. DD says there are boys that many girls like and girls that many boys like but there isn't a popular group like there was in MS and they are liked for various reasons rather than just looks.

I agree with this with the added factor that the cool kids in middle school tend to also be kids who were earlier to puberty. You have 7th graders where some of them still look 10 and others could easily pass for 16. By high school it has evened out a good bit more.

[Anonymous]

For my kids, it started in 4th-5th grade but 6th grade had a dramatic focus.

[Anonymous]

It’s from the get go (preschool), but it’s more subtle when they are that young - by 3rd- 4th grade there are clear divisions.

[Anonymous]

My son is good looking but I don’t think he is popular