When do looks and appearance play a part in popularity?

[Anonymous]

For boys it’s more sports and height than anything

[Anonymous]

Middle school, especially for girls. The popular group in middle school usually consists of the pretty girls with the extroverted personalities and the boys who hang out with them. In HS, the pretty girls rule again along with the athletic and tall boys. That said, looks can only get you so far. Kids these days won't stand for nasty and bullying attitudes.

[Anonymous]

I think it's always about how they carry themselves. Confidence, willing to smile and open to making friends with boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Middle school based on what DD experienced.

In elementary the social pecking order was dictated by the moms, with the well put together moms from the wealthier neighborhood all becoming friends. Some of their kids were conventionally good looking but not all of them.

In middle school it was like all the good looking girls found each other and all the good looking and athletic boys found each other and became friends.

It's less jarring in high school as the kids are more mature and take a more well rounded view of who and what is cool. DD says there are boys that many girls like and girls that many boys like but there isn't a popular group like there was in MS and they are liked for various reasons rather than just looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school based on what DD experienced.

In elementary the social pecking order was dictated by the moms, with the well put together moms from the wealthier neighborhood all becoming friends. Some of their kids were conventionally good looking but not all of them.

In middle school it was like all the good looking girls found each other and all the good looking and athletic boys found each other and became friends.

It's less jarring in high school as the kids are more mature and take a more well rounded view of who and what is cool. DD says there are boys that many girls like and girls that many boys like but there isn't a popular group like there was in MS and they are liked for various reasons rather than just looks.

This meshes with my experience x3 (Youngest is finishing up middle school this year).

[Anonymous]

Preschool or definitely elementary school. I have a very good looking, confident kid and he’s always been very “cool”.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 8 year old girl and I couldn’t tell you who the popular preschoolers were. That’s a concept that I don’t think applied in our preschool or kindergarten and 1st grade classses. I’m maybe starting to see it now in second grade. It doesn’t have to do with looks so much as easy to be around and get along with at this age, though, I think. Some of the girls who I think are popular are not beauties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For boys it’s more sports and height than anything

Maybe in movies. I’ve seen all types of boys that were popular because of personality. Plenty of awkward kids who play sports and aren’t popular.

[Anonymous]

From birth. Even in the NICU cuter babies get held more by nurses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO it’s late elementary into early middle school that kids start placing a higher importance on appearance and “coolness.” Bossy behavior that helped younger kids curate their social circles becomes a negative.

I agree with this. Looks and athleticism win out over bossy in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From birth. Even in the NICU cuter babies get held more by nurses.

You don't know NICU nurses do you?
They are angels

[Anonymous]

From the very beginning. Kindergarten on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely from very early on. I've observed this each time with my 4 kids. Kids want to be around good looking kids (not talking about my own but watching the social dynamics).

And adults react differently to kids based on their looks, and subconsciously change their interactions with them. My DD had some very conventionally attractive children in her preschool class at a pk3-8th grade class and their popularity in HS had a linear relationship with how the teacher greeted them every morning in the hallway in 3s preschool. It is fascinating and awful all at once.

It makes a difference in the early grades even if I wish it didn’t. That early attention can create confidence and generate social approval that in turn creates popularity. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

I remember when I was about 14 my mother and I were in a bowling alley. There were 3 kids there -- a really beautiful little girl, and two relatively unattractive siblings, a boy and a girl. All of them were about the same age, and all were raising hell and getting in the way throughout the entire place. My mother noticed that everyone was fawning over the beautiful girl and going on about how cute and wonderful she was, and yet getting really angry and huffy about the other two children's behavior -- even though the behavior was the same with all 3. She pointed this out to me. I've never forgotten it. Not sure what to do with it, but I have never forgotten it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For boys it’s more sports and height than anything

Height, sports, and sense of humor. In that order. If you believe the research.

For girls it's beauty, clothing/style, and "charisma" (whatever that is), in that order.

[Anonymous]

Always. Don’t you remember being interested in beautiful people from a young age?