When your husband sleeps like a baby bc you’re the keeper of all the things

[Anonymous]

I carry all the mental load of our household and sleep like an absolute rock. We currently have a newborn and I'm not doing my fair share of nighttime parenting because DH will wake up, turn the light on, change the diaper, and feed the baby and I'll sleep through the whole entire thing. I think this can just be a physical thing.

[Anonymous]

We’re empty nesters now and are sleeping apart. DH snores like a freight train and disrupts my sleep. I have dark circles and a ruined sleep schedule but he wakes each day with a bounce in his step.

Even though we’re in sep rooms, I can still hear him - then I worry about his health, ruminate then get angry that he refuses to address his health (weight gain) and refuses to exercise with me and is in complete denial.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you have way too much on your plate, BUT... it's probably hormonal if it's really insomnia. 3am is like the magical hour where all perimenopausal women are awake. Low dose THC gummies did it for me. They also do wonders for my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Yes, both the lack of sleep, peri, and DH ability to sleep 9-10 straight uninterrupted hours when pretty much our world is failing apart is maddening. Plus no sympathy or care on his end about my lack of sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, both the lack of sleep, peri, and DH ability to sleep 9-10 straight uninterrupted hours when pretty much our world is failing apart is maddening. Plus no sympathy or care on his end about my lack of sleep.

So move some the family admin onto his plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, both the lack of sleep, peri, and DH ability to sleep 9-10 straight uninterrupted hours when pretty much our world is failing apart is maddening. Plus no sympathy or care on his end about my lack of sleep.

He is probably like quit your complaining or do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

np.. DH is the heavy sleeper. I'm a light sleeper. So, I use earplugs when I sleep. Kids have come into the room in the middle of the night for various reasons. I would wake up the next day, and DH would say, "Did you hear DC come into our room last night?". Me: "No, I didn't" (giddily).

Prior to this, the kids always came to my side of the bed and woke me up. After the earplugs, they learned to go to dad's side.

When DC was an infant, DC's cry would wake me up. Not DH. He slept through it all. I'd shake him awake or yell his name.

When the kids were little and were sick, DH never thought to check on them, or be with them at night. DC used to get bad asthma when they had a bad cold. DH never thought to sleep next to them throughout the night to make sure that their breathing wasn't obstructed. That was me. I slept on the floor next to their toddler bed, listening to their labored breathing all throughout the night. This happened a few times where DH never thought to to do that. Never once said, "It's my turn, I'll sleep next to them." Nope, that was all me. And yea, I was working FT then, too.

And my DH would be in the kids’ rooms at the slightest odd sound, before I was even awake. He would even take our kid with asthma out in the middle of the night to get them some cool night air to help ease their breathing.

Did you ever once say, “DH, go sleep in Junior’s room tonight. He’s having a hard time breathing”?

1. I shouldn't have to say it. Why can't he as a father think of it
2. Yes, I did, and his response is, "They're fine". But, why didn't he offer to take a turn? It's not like I insisted on being there. It was more, "I'm worried about DC's breathing. I'm going to sleep next to DC." He could've said, "You did that last time. I'll do it."

This has been the way he parented. He's not a completely hands off father. He cooks, cleans, does laundry. But, he's not as thoughtful about the kids' well being as I am.

[Anonymous]

I mean if kid is not sick, could you do ear mask, earplugs, more fresh air/exercise, meditation? I’m the mom of two kids and sleep better than hubby. I get the mental load part, I just let some of it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else have this? You have the greater professional stress and the greater administrative and child related stress so you’re constantly tossing/ turning and generally not resting as well. It makes me insane.

Chill out more and relax. You can drive yourself into a frazzle being like you are.

[Anonymous]

No...we have outsourced most of these things to our household assistant. They update our calendars and keep events from conflicting. Worth every penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

np.. DH is the heavy sleeper. I'm a light sleeper. So, I use earplugs when I sleep. Kids have come into the room in the middle of the night for various reasons. I would wake up the next day, and DH would say, "Did you hear DC come into our room last night?". Me: "No, I didn't" (giddily).

Prior to this, the kids always came to my side of the bed and woke me up. After the earplugs, they learned to go to dad's side.

When DC was an infant, DC's cry would wake me up. Not DH. He slept through it all. I'd shake him awake or yell his name.

When the kids were little and were sick, DH never thought to check on them, or be with them at night. DC used to get bad asthma when they had a bad cold. DH never thought to sleep next to them throughout the night to make sure that their breathing wasn't obstructed. That was me. I slept on the floor next to their toddler bed, listening to their labored breathing all throughout the night. This happened a few times where DH never thought to to do that. Never once said, "It's my turn, I'll sleep next to them." Nope, that was all me. And yea, I was working FT then, too.

And my DH would be in the kids’ rooms at the slightest odd sound, before I was even awake. He would even take our kid with asthma out in the middle of the night to get them some cool night air to help ease their breathing.

Did you ever once say, “DH, go sleep in Junior’s room tonight. He’s having a hard time breathing”?

1. I shouldn't have to say it. Why can't he as a father think of it
2. Yes, I did, and his response is, "They're fine". But, why didn't he offer to take a turn? It's not like I insisted on being there. It was more, "I'm worried about DC's breathing. I'm going to sleep next to DC." He could've said, "You did that last time. I'll do it."

This has been the way he parented. He's not a completely hands off father. He cooks, cleans, does laundry. But, he's not as thoughtful about the kids' well being as I am.

It would be nice if you didn’t have to say it but apparently you do. Or you can just stew about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else have this? You have the greater professional stress and the greater administrative and child related stress so you’re constantly tossing/ turning and generally not resting as well. It makes me insane.

If you are willing to live simply on one income, quit your job or ask him to be SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

np.. DH is the heavy sleeper. I'm a light sleeper. So, I use earplugs when I sleep. Kids have come into the room in the middle of the night for various reasons. I would wake up the next day, and DH would say, "Did you hear DC come into our room last night?". Me: "No, I didn't" (giddily).

Prior to this, the kids always came to my side of the bed and woke me up. After the earplugs, they learned to go to dad's side.

When DC was an infant, DC's cry would wake me up. Not DH. He slept through it all. I'd shake him awake or yell his name.

When the kids were little and were sick, DH never thought to check on them, or be with them at night. DC used to get bad asthma when they had a bad cold. DH never thought to sleep next to them throughout the night to make sure that their breathing wasn't obstructed. That was me. I slept on the floor next to their toddler bed, listening to their labored breathing all throughout the night. This happened a few times where DH never thought to to do that. Never once said, "It's my turn, I'll sleep next to them." Nope, that was all me. And yea, I was working FT then, too.

And my DH would be in the kids’ rooms at the slightest odd sound, before I was even awake. He would even take our kid with asthma out in the middle of the night to get them some cool night air to help ease their breathing.

Did you ever once say, “DH, go sleep in Junior’s room tonight. He’s having a hard time breathing”?

1. I shouldn't have to say it. Why can't he as a father think of it
2. Yes, I did, and his response is, "They're fine". But, why didn't he offer to take a turn? It's not like I insisted on being there. It was more, "I'm worried about DC's breathing. I'm going to sleep next to DC." He could've said, "You did that last time. I'll do it."

This has been the way he parented. He's not a completely hands off father. He cooks, cleans, does laundry. But, he's not as thoughtful about the kids' well being as I am.

It would be nice if you didn’t have to say it but apparently you do. Or you can just stew about it.

Yep. Women like this are really frustrating. Clearly her DH doesn't think like her. If she wants something, then she has to ask. If he disagrees, then discuss. I'm guessing the DH thinks she over-reacts over every little thing (clearly DS didn't stop breathing) and he isn't going to buy into her over vigilance.

[Anonymous]

Often half of the things and chores are wife's wants, majority of husbands can live without any decorative stuff, enrolling kids into 10 activities and any fuss over holidays and social events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Often half of the things and chores are wife's wants, majority of husbands can live without any decorative stuff, enrolling kids into 10 activities and any fuss over holidays and social events.

But they still want a nice house to have their friends over, their kids to be happy and get into good colleges, and their own parents to not complain that they don't participate in holidays. So how does that work?