When your husband sleeps like a baby bc you’re the keeper of all the things

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a mix of anxiety, martyr syndrome, and just not telling DH what you need from him. The good news is you can work on these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else have this? You have the greater professional stress and the greater administrative and child related stress so you’re constantly tossing/ turning and generally not resting as well. It makes me insane.

That sounds like a you problem. I mean that kindly.

See a therapist for your anxiety. Drugs might help.

+1. Lots of people have a lot on their plates. Not all of them are sleepless from anxiety. If you're sleepless, it's because of that anxiety, not anything intrinsic to having a job and being responsible for children. The good news is that anxiety can be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else have this? You have the greater professional stress and the greater administrative and child related stress so you’re constantly tossing/ turning and generally not resting as well. It makes me insane.

I did, until I dumped him. I figured if I was going to be carrying all the family's weight, the family's weight would be lighter w/o having to carry a grown man.

And it is. And I sleep better now, too.

This is the truth. I've never slept better since my divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

np.. DH is the heavy sleeper. I'm a light sleeper. So, I use earplugs when I sleep. Kids have come into the room in the middle of the night for various reasons. I would wake up the next day, and DH would say, "Did you hear DC come into our room last night?". Me: "No, I didn't" (giddily).

Prior to this, the kids always came to my side of the bed and woke me up. After the earplugs, they learned to go to dad's side.

When DC was an infant, DC's cry would wake me up. Not DH. He slept through it all. I'd shake him awake or yell his name.

When the kids were little and were sick, DH never thought to check on them, or be with them at night. DC used to get bad asthma when they had a bad cold. DH never thought to sleep next to them throughout the night to make sure that their breathing wasn't obstructed. That was me. I slept on the floor next to their toddler bed, listening to their labored breathing all throughout the night. This happened a few times where DH never thought to to do that. Never once said, "It's my turn, I'll sleep next to them." Nope, that was all me. And yea, I was working FT then, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

You can buck those gender norms in your own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband isn't pulling his weight in your marriage.. Revisit that with him.

When you choose to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, it’s not a solution to demand someone else share that burden. It can be more helpful to find ways to reduce the amount of weight you choose to carry. Oftentimes that weight is things you cannot control.

Revisiting with her husband isn't a demand..
More of a suggestion to discuss her feelings about the division of duties in her marriage with her husband.
But ok..

[Anonymous]

Kindly, I don’t think societal gender norms are why a sick kid seeks out their mother for comfort.

What did you think it meant to be a mother? Children want mothering in dark, scary, unwell moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else have this? You have the greater professional stress and the greater administrative and child related stress so you’re constantly tossing/ turning and generally not resting as well. It makes me insane.

This is why I gave him “the greater professional stress” because I am the “keeper of all the things.” I was sure as h*ll not going to do both.

It’s great that some couples have balance with dual careers and home responsibilities. I think that’s ideal but also hard to come by. Both need a good enough job to afford a comfortable life but not so good that it bleeds into evenings and weekends. They need reliable hours and the ability to stop answering work texts and emails. Most lawyers I know cannot do this (except maybe certain government lawyers, but even most of them are overworked.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

np.. DH is the heavy sleeper. I'm a light sleeper. So, I use earplugs when I sleep. Kids have come into the room in the middle of the night for various reasons. I would wake up the next day, and DH would say, "Did you hear DC come into our room last night?". Me: "No, I didn't" (giddily).

Prior to this, the kids always came to my side of the bed and woke me up. After the earplugs, they learned to go to dad's side.

When DC was an infant, DC's cry would wake me up. Not DH. He slept through it all. I'd shake him awake or yell his name.

When the kids were little and were sick, DH never thought to check on them, or be with them at night. DC used to get bad asthma when they had a bad cold. DH never thought to sleep next to them throughout the night to make sure that their breathing wasn't obstructed. That was me. I slept on the floor next to their toddler bed, listening to their labored breathing all throughout the night. This happened a few times where DH never thought to to do that. Never once said, "It's my turn, I'll sleep next to them." Nope, that was all me. And yea, I was working FT then, too.

And my DH would be in the kids’ rooms at the slightest odd sound, before I was even awake. He would even take our kid with asthma out in the middle of the night to get them some cool night air to help ease their breathing.

Did you ever once say, “DH, go sleep in Junior’s room tonight. He’s having a hard time breathing”?

[Anonymous]

DCUM women will find a way to blame their husbands for everything.

Do some research into middle age sleep patterns. It's absolutely normal to start waking up in the middle of the night, unrelated to your husband or anxiety. It's also totally normal to get stuck in your thoughts and be unable to fall back asleep. There are a ton of different things you can work on to fix the issue -- not necessarily to stop waking up, which is very normal, but to fall back asleep easily.

Your unequal relationship is another issue. Don't blur it with sleep because it makes you sound irrational, which you are.

[Anonymous]

How would a kid know your husband’s work schedule? You expect them to check a calendar before waking up a parent in the middle of the night if they get sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange thread. I think it is more personality driven. My DH sleeps well, but he always has. He’s not one to toss and turn worrying about things although he does more than 50% around the house and with the kids. I worry, but that is just who I am. I can’t blame him for lack of sleep.

+1. Your husband isn't causing your insomnia.

Agreed, my kids and gender norms are. They are all sick and don’t call out for their Dad even though he isn’t working today. They come into our room in the middle of the night and ask for me. This starts at conception.

When I am sleep deprived at work know why: Gender norms in our country are toxic for women.

np.. DH is the heavy sleeper. I'm a light sleeper. So, I use earplugs when I sleep. Kids have come into the room in the middle of the night for various reasons. I would wake up the next day, and DH would say, "Did you hear DC come into our room last night?". Me: "No, I didn't" (giddily).

Prior to this, the kids always came to my side of the bed and woke me up. After the earplugs, they learned to go to dad's side.

When DC was an infant, DC's cry would wake me up. Not DH. He slept through it all. I'd shake him awake or yell his name.

When the kids were little and were sick, DH never thought to check on them, or be with them at night. DC used to get bad asthma when they had a bad cold. DH never thought to sleep next to them throughout the night to make sure that their breathing wasn't obstructed. That was me. I slept on the floor next to their toddler bed, listening to their labored breathing all throughout the night. This happened a few times where DH never thought to to do that. Never once said, "It's my turn, I'll sleep next to them." Nope, that was all me. And yea, I was working FT then, too.

And my DH would be in the kids’ rooms at the slightest odd sound, before I was even awake. He would even take our kid with asthma out in the middle of the night to get them some cool night air to help ease their breathing.

Did you ever once say, “DH, go sleep in Junior’s room tonight. He’s having a hard time breathing”?

And if he's such a deep sleeper, would you even trust him to wake up if there was an issue? I wouldn't. And he can't help being a deep sleeper. You people are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM women will find a way to blame their husbands for everything.

Do some research into middle age sleep patterns. It's absolutely normal to start waking up in the middle of the night, unrelated to your husband or anxiety. It's also totally normal to get stuck in your thoughts and be unable to fall back asleep. There are a ton of different things you can work on to fix the issue -- not necessarily to stop waking up, which is very normal, but to fall back asleep easily.

Your unequal relationship is another issue. Don't blur it with sleep because it makes you sound irrational, which you are.

Tbf, she’s probably not being rational because she’s exhausted.

[Anonymous]

This is not your husband’s fault. Seems to be personality or luck of the draw.

I am a sound, heavy sleeper pretty much no matter what is happening in my life or how stressed out I am or am not. I can also sleep easily pretty much anywhere (uncomfortable beds, strange places when traveling etc)

My DH, on the other hand, has terrible insomnia. Struggles with sleeping if he is stressed or traveling etc. It really sucks.

Each of us has been the same since we were teens, more or less. We have 3 teen DC and one sleeps like me, the other 2 are more like DH.

[Anonymous]

Yeah but you are on DCUM. Not like you are doing anything useful.