DS has much older girlfriend

[Anonymous]

OP,
Are you reading these posts?

[Anonymous]

Just think of the skills he could be taught by this older and presumably more experienced woman. This relationship won't last anyway and his newly acquired skills could be very useful and much appreciated on Prom Night.

Just kidding, Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just think of the skills he could be taught by this older and presumably more experienced woman. This relationship won't last anyway and his newly acquired skills could be very useful and much appreciated on Prom Night.

Just kidding, Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Eh. prom night is often ragers with some parent hosting and the house getting trashed. Quickies in the bushes or furnace room. Focus not on sex by the end of the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just think of the skills he could be taught by this older and presumably more experienced woman. This relationship won't last anyway and his newly acquired skills could be very useful and much appreciated on Prom Night.

Just kidding, Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Eh. prom night is often ragers with some parent hosting and the house getting trashed. Quickies in the bushes or furnace room. Focus not on sex by the end of the night.

Never went to a prom until I started teaching at a high school - this was between 2002-2006. Prom was always held at a swanky hotel (in Chicago) and students would get hotel rooms for the night, so can you guess what went on afterward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would invite her to the house for family dinners -- frequently. Engage her and your son in adult conversation - about politics, news events, education, etc. Also talk about what's happening in his life - high school - and in her life - grad school. About each one's personal plans for the future (the prom and college vs. a career and a family). If he is as mature as you say, and if there is something off about her (which seems very likely) this will bring it out in an obvious way.

OP here. I was looking for ideas on how to proceed, so I appreciate this input. That was my goal in posting- I even thought someone else might have dealt with this type of relationship before and might have some "lessons learned" to share.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I'm not sure what I'd do. My son just turned 14 and the thought of him hanging out with someone this age in 18 or so months is unnerving! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what advice you could expect. There is no scenario under which this relationship is ok. It is your overriding parental duty to protect your CHILD from harm. This relationship will harm him. So stop with the wishy washy hand wringing and take some action.

[Anonymous]

What action? No calls, no contact? That's easy to get around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What action? No calls, no contact? That's easy to get around.

Sit your son down. Tell him that any physical relationship is illegal. She could be arrested and face jail time, whether they love each other or not is IS WRONG. Tell him that, unfortunately, he needs to sever ties with the girl. Gently say that any continuance of the relationship, even as a friendship, could have a lasting effect on all relationships. Though he may feel love now, only time will tell if it is teenage infatuation. Ask him if he wants to be able to have functional relationships in the future. Level with him.

[Anonymous]

"Sit your son down. Tell him that any physical relationship is illegal. She could be arrested and face jail time, whether they love each other or not is IS WRONG. Tell him that, unfortunately, he needs to sever ties with the girl. Gently say that any continuance of the relationship, even as a friendship, could have a lasting effect on all relationships. Though he may feel love now, only time will tell if it is teenage infatuation. Ask him if he wants to be able to have functional relationships in the future. Level with him."

Good advice. But don't forget to sit the girl down as well and tell her this. Then have your husband talk to your son while you talk to the girl, woman to woman, man to man.
Don't expect immediate results. The relationship will probably continue for a while as they both think about what you said. Ultimately, it has to be their decision to end it, trying to prevent them from seeing each other by force would only backfire. But do guide your son towards hobbies and extracurricular activities that will keep him busy and around kids his own age.

[Anonymous]

The problem with focusing on statutory rape aspect is that goes away next year, when he turns 16, but the age difference does not. Something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sit your son down. Tell him that any physical relationship is illegal. She could be arrested and face jail time, whether they love each other or not is IS WRONG. Tell him that, unfortunately, he needs to sever ties with the girl. Gently say that any continuance of the relationship, even as a friendship, could have a lasting effect on all relationships. Though he may feel love now, only time will tell if it is teenage infatuation. Ask him if he wants to be able to have functional relationships in the future. Level with him."

Good advice. But don't forget to sit the girl down as well and tell her this. Then have your husband talk to your son while you talk to the girl, woman to woman, man to man.
Don't expect immediate results. The relationship will probably continue for a while as they both think about what you said. Ultimately, it has to be their decision to end it, trying to prevent them from seeing each other by force would only backfire. But do guide your son towards hobbies and extracurricular activities that will keep him busy and around kids his own age.

Find and contact her parents. She might have issues and problems unknown to the DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with focusing on statutory rape aspect is that goes away next year, when he turns 16, but the age difference does not. Something to consider.

Not necessarily true. I am not familiar with the law here but usually it is one partner over 16 the other under 21 in age difference that nullifies statutory rape. She is 24 so statutory rape may still be the legal reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sit your son down. Tell him that any physical relationship is illegal. She could be arrested and face jail time, whether they love each other or not is IS WRONG. Tell him that, unfortunately, he needs to sever ties with the girl. Gently say that any continuance of the relationship, even as a friendship, could have a lasting effect on all relationships. Though he may feel love now, only time will tell if it is teenage infatuation. Ask him if he wants to be able to have functional relationships in the future. Level with him."

Good advice. But don't forget to sit the girl down as well and tell her this. Then have your husband talk to your son while you talk to the girl, woman to woman, man to man.
Don't expect immediate results. The relationship will probably continue for a while as they both think about what you said. Ultimately, it has to be their decision to end it, trying to prevent them from seeing each other by force would only backfire. But do guide your son towards hobbies and extracurricular activities that will keep him busy and around kids his own age.

Find and contact her parents. She might have issues and problems unknown to the DS.

Agree. Her parents may hold the key. Something has to be wrong with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What action? No calls, no contact? That's easy to get around.

Idiotic. By this logic, you never lay down any rules because kids could "get around" them. Please. The kid doesn't drive, does he? If he does, where does he get the keys and gas money? You can take away all financial resources and phones, get rid of your internet service, block her number, and closely monitor his whereabouts when he is not in school. Tell all his friends' parents and your neighbors what he is up to so they can watch out for him too. You can tell her to stay away in no uncertain terms and publicly shame her by making sure everyone in her circle is aware of what she is doing. You can freaking send him to boarding school in Timbuktu if it comes to that. I would go to any measure to protect the safety and welfare of my child if I thought he was endangered. WHICH HE IS. Because any 24 year old woman who would date a 15 year old is by definition MENTAL and therefore will harm your kid in some way. OP needs to start acting like a real parent and stop making excuses about why this is inevitable. Sure, talk to your kid too, but make sure you make it as difficult for them to see each other as possible too.