DS has much older girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Our 15-y-o DS spent the summer volunteering at a non-profit. While there, he met his much older girlfriend, who is in grad school. She is very nice and they seem very happy. DH thinks we should try to stop this relationship and points out that it would be illegal for them to have sex (DS says they haven't yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened sometime soon). DH also asked me how I would feel if our DS was a DD with a boyfriend in grad school- I have to admit I would be very opposed. This relationship, though, seems to have done wonders for my son's self-esteem and happiness- while I do worry about what will happen when it ends, I think DS is mature for his age. So, I'm inclined not to intervene. Am I being naive?

[Anonymous]

Nothing personal against your son, but what's wrong with that girl? How old is she...22, 23, 24? That's way too old for a 15 year old boyfriend.

Your husband is absolutely correct. Yes, you need to put a stop to it.

[Anonymous]

My DH is significantly older than I am. However, the difference in life experiences that occurs from 15--> grad school is ENORMOUS. I may have a 20 year age difference but I was an adult, with significant life experiences, when we got together. Your son has never lived on his own, he hasn't experienced the independence that is necessary to have a successful relationship with someone who has grown and matured in that way.

Honestly, there must be something seriously with the girl. I could not imagine being in grad school and wanting to date a 15-year old.

[Anonymous]

*We* may have a 20 year age difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing personal against your son, but what's wrong with that girl? How old is she...22, 23, 24? That's way too old for a 15 year old boyfriend.

Your husband is absolutely correct. Yes, you need to put a stop to it.

I agree with you, but a former colleague of mine ended up marrying a former student - a HIGH SCHOOL student!! Granted, it was after he had graduated, but this was a former student of mine as well as hers and I still can't get over how wrong it seems. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. Ugg. . . and now they have a child together. Gross.

[Anonymous]

That's a huge power difference. A woman in grad school who dates a 15-year-old does it because she has problems dealing with grown up men and she likes being able to control a youngster. I may have overstated it but this is not a healthy relationship. I would really question her motives and worry about how much control she would exercise over your son.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? When does your son turn 16?

[Anonymous]

She's a woman dating a child. That's just wrong.

Large age differences later are something else again.

[Anonymous]

Not appropriate in the least. Having dated a 22 year old man when I was 16, I can now see how sick this really is. She has issues that she is bringing into this relationship (and it's an illegal relationship once sex happens, and you know it will) that will certainly affect your son's ability to relate to women in his later years. He needs a diversion into more age appropriate activities with his buddies or with girls his own age.

[Anonymous]

Yes, there is something wrong with this situation.

Tell her she needs to wait until your son is 18, and old enough for "courting". Then he may date whomever he wishes. But at 15, he is too young to be messing around with a (supposedly) grown woman.

If she loves him, she will understand and wait. (ha!)

[Anonymous]

This has to be a joke.

[Anonymous]

Is your son mature for his age?

I know of a couple who recently married. She is in her early thirties and he is in his early twenties. On the surface it seemed like a strange match, but once you got to know the couple you quickly relized that for her age she was not immature, but nevertheless quite youthful and still full of wonder for someone in their thirties. On the other hand this young man seemed to have an older and more mature spirit than one might expect to see in a man still in his early twenties. Age wise, they just kind of seemed to meet in the middle someplace.

However, the sex part of it is dangerous. Can you imagine how a paternity suit at the age of fifteen or sixteen could ruin your son's life?

Maybe your husband is right???

[Anonymous]

Agree. I am 18 years younger than DH, but we dated as adults, which your son is not.

Invite this young lady to the house (so that you can assess her). It will send the message that you take him seriously and might make him more receptive to what you are going to do. Then have a talk with him about breaking up the relationship, and explain all the reasons. If he is as mature as you say, he will agree to pursue other activities and mingle with girls of the appropriate age.

[Anonymous]

Does she know that he's only 15?! There's no way I would have dated a high schooler once I was in college. She either doesn't know or there's something wrong with her.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs who wonder if there is something wrong with the GF. Maybe she is very immature. She should take care though, she'll be doing some jail time if she takes it too far.