DS has much older girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not appropriate in the least. Having dated a 22 year old man when I was 16, I can now see how sick this really is. She has issues that she is bringing into this relationship (and it's an illegal relationship once sex happens, and you know it will) that will certainly affect your son's ability to relate to women in his later years. He needs a diversion into more age appropriate activities with his buddies or with girls his own age.

Agree. Had a serious relationship with a 24-year old during high school instead of someone my own age, and it does have an impact - might seem fine to him at the time, but he should be with girls his own age.

I would argue its even weirder that the woman is older, given typical maturity patterns. There is something off with her.

[Anonymous]

23:46 here again - you should be careful how you proceed about initiating a break-up if you pursue this route- this has probably reached the point where it is out of your control - issuing a directive to end things immediately may prolong them beyond when they would have lasted... wonder if you should seek help of a professional for some perspective here?

[Anonymous]

OP here. If I hadn't seen this relationship in person and only heard about it, I would raise many of the same concerns all of you have. I have met DS's girlfriend a few times, and she told me that she was shocked when she found out DS's age. Apparently, most of the volunteers at the non-profit who hung out together were early/mid twenties, and she thought he was too, until later. (DS is physically mature for his age, over 6 feet tall. When we go to Georgetown, it's very common for people to think he's a student there.) In response to the questions, DS will be 16 next year; his girlfriend is 24.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If I hadn't seen this relationship in person and only heard about it, I would raise many of the same concerns all of you have. I have met DS's girlfriend a few times, and she told me that she was shocked when she found out DS's age. Apparently, most of the volunteers at the non-profit who hung out together were early/mid twenties, and she thought he was too, until later. (DS is physically mature for his age, over 6 feet tall. When we go to Georgetown, it's very common for people to think he's a student there.) In response to the questions, DS will be 16 next year; his girlfriend is 24.

Bullshit. DS turning 16 next year in 2011. I assume people might think he's a freshman in which case it would still be creepy if she's a 24 year old grad student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If I hadn't seen this relationship in person and only heard about it, I would raise many of the same concerns all of you have. I have met DS's girlfriend a few times, and she told me that she was shocked when she found out DS's age. Apparently, most of the volunteers at the non-profit who hung out together were early/mid twenties, and she thought he was too, until later. (DS is physically mature for his age, over 6 feet tall. When we go to Georgetown, it's very common for people to think he's a student there.) In response to the questions, DS will be 16 next year; his girlfriend is 24.

Ok, so she was shocked. So what?

If she were a mature 24yo, she would have backed off immediately.

This would be unacceptable to me.

[Anonymous]

What should/can OP do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What should/can OP do?

Nothing... b/c she thinks its fine and that's why she posted- she wanted us to tell her we thought it was fine too...and we didn't!

[Anonymous]

OP,

So, what are your concerns?

[Anonymous]

15 and 24! And you are supportive of this?

[Anonymous]

If this were a mentally, emotionally, and physically mature 15 yo girl and a 24 yo man, there would be no question in anyone's mind that it is not an appropriate relationship. There should be no question that is inappropriate. Holy cow! It is a crime for her to have sex with him. A crime. I am sure it all looks super to you, OP. What kind of a person has a romantic and possibly sexual relationship with a minor? Um, a sex offender, that's who. Also, what would you do OP if she showed up pregnant? Or your son turned up with an STD? How about an incurable one? Yes. That can all happen when your son is an adult and in an adult relationship, but by then, hopefully, he has had the necessary time to mature and receive your full counsel about such things. Yes. These things can happen in a teenage relationship, but in a teenage relationship, presumably, there are parents of a teenage girl on the other side of the relationship who want their daughter to have sex with your son even less than you want your son to have sex with her. A teenage girl's parents have powerful motivation to ensure that their daughter has access to birth control and condoms. Or are better able to restrict her activities if they are abstinence only believers. You have no parent partners on the other side of this relationship. You have a 24 year old woman who is just beginning the phase of her life where her friends start getting married in droves and then will begin having children. Her immediate future is WAAAAY different than your son's. I am firmly in your husband's camp on this issue.

[Anonymous]

Okay yet another post with a strong opinion but what does OP do? Order him not to see her?

[Anonymous]

I think this is a fake post or this mom is crazy!!

[Anonymous]

Fake or not, I think it poses an interesting dilemma. Teenagers do and will have relationships with older people. The outrage in many of these posts is understandable and the potential problems that were mentioned are very serious indeed. But I am with the poster who keeps asking. Ok, so it is not a healthy situation. But what should the OP do about it?

I think talking to the woman is a great idea. Have your husband talk to her too. He might be less inclined to be her friend. And keep the lines of communication open with your son. Whether the relationship is headed for a breakup or will get more serious he is going to need his mother to help him through some very grown-up experiences.

[Anonymous]

I would invite her to the house for family dinners -- frequently. Engage her and your son in adult conversation - about politics, news events, education, etc. Also talk about what's happening in his life - high school - and in her life - grad school. About each one's personal plans for the future (the prom and college vs. a career and a family). If he is as mature as you say, and if there is something off about her (which seems very likely) this will bring it out in an obvious way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fake or not, I think it poses an interesting dilemma. Teenagers do and will have relationships with older people. The outrage in many of these posts is understandable and the potential problems that were mentioned are very serious indeed. But I am with the poster who keeps asking. Ok, so it is not a healthy situation. But what should the OP do about it?

I think talking to the woman is a great idea. Have your husband talk to her too. He might be less inclined to be her friend. And keep the lines of communication open with your son. Whether the relationship is headed for a breakup or will get more serious he is going to need his mother to help him through some very grown-up experiences.

What we don't know is if he is in love with her or just enjoys hanging out, hooking up with, having sex with her. Since this seems to be on-going I guess the danger is she is a sick freak. Perhaps OP thinks they see each other more than is the reality now that the summer volunteer thing is over.

I also wonder if OP's son is the type who started drinking, pot, BJ's in middle school or as a freshman. There are kids like that so she just might be an easy find for him. Some parents really don't know their kids. If he's not a party boy and likes/loves her then it's a huge problem.