Help with Parenting adult children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no talking to kids like this. They feel immortal and frequently need the rush more than they care about staying alive.

100% but probably there is some reason behind that need, other than hormones and underdeveloped frontal cortex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

I wouldn't give him no help, but I would make sure he feels the consequences in a way that will impact his behavior. For example he can pay the medevac helicopter bill, and the fine for unauthorized backcountry. And all the copays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

Doomed, dooooomed to bribe him with gear and buy him ski passes so he can wreck himself up.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you call him he, OP?

Has he ever been screened for ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

I'm sorry you don't know what love feels like. What you describe is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

I'm sorry you don't know what love feels like. What you describe is not it.

That's insane. Adults make their own choices and handle their own consequences. That's what it means to be an adult. I certainly will not be buying him a lift ticket so that he can endanger himself and others. Nor would I pay to help him avoid the consequences of his choices. That's how you raise an entitled, destructive man-child. Not an adult. It's not a loving thing to do. The loving thing to do is to have reasonable boundaries to help him grow up into someone who's alive, who has his body and brain mostly intact, and to teach him that choices have consequences. It doesn't mean I wouldn't visit him in the hospital. But you're really harming your children if you don't allow them to learn real-life lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

I wouldn't give him no help, but I would make sure he feels the consequences in a way that will impact his behavior. For example he can pay the medevac helicopter bill, and the fine for unauthorized backcountry. And all the copays.

So push him into debt and poverty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

These seem like really good ideas. Plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

I wouldn't give him no help, but I would make sure he feels the consequences in a way that will impact his behavior. For example he can pay the medevac helicopter bill, and the fine for unauthorized backcountry. And all the copays.

So push him into debt and poverty?

If that's what it takes to keep him from endangering himself, yes. I'd much rather him have debt than a traumatic brain injury or die, and that's literally what's at stake if he's really doing what OP describes. What are you so afraid of-- that he might have to get a roommate? Work a second job? Oh noes, the horror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

I wouldn't give him no help, but I would make sure he feels the consequences in a way that will impact his behavior. For example he can pay the medevac helicopter bill, and the fine for unauthorized backcountry. And all the copays.

So push him into debt and poverty?

If that's what it takes to keep him from endangering himself, yes. I'd much rather him have debt than a traumatic brain injury or die, and that's literally what's at stake if he's really doing what OP describes. What are you so afraid of-- that he might have to get a roommate? Work a second job? Oh noes, the horror.

Rude but good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the ski area on him and if they refuse to sell him a lift pass, so be it. Stop paying for him to ski, and don't pay any medical expenses either.

You can get insurance for helicopter rescue costs. And disability insurance on someone his age might not be super costly.

So basically you would just send them message that you will stop loving your child if they don't fall in line. Got it!

I wouldn't recommend that.

I mean the injury-related medical expenses. But yes, if he wants to make his own decisions then he can pay his own expenses. Bankrolling and enabling someone isn't what love requires. You can love him without enabling irresponsible and destructive behavior.

Yes but parent are doomed due to their love and sense of responsibility. Who else would rush to physically, mentally, financially and logistically help their injured child?

I wouldn't give him no help, but I would make sure he feels the consequences in a way that will impact his behavior. For example he can pay the medevac helicopter bill, and the fine for unauthorized backcountry. And all the copays.

So push him into debt and poverty?

If that's what it takes to keep him from endangering himself, yes. I'd much rather him have debt than a traumatic brain injury or die, and that's literally what's at stake if he's really doing what OP describes. What are you so afraid of-- that he might have to get a roommate? Work a second job? Oh noes, the horror.

Rude but good point.

Harsh truth ..

[Anonymous]

Based on their choices I would assume they are still too immature to just back off and offer support and not strongly worded advice or even ultimatums. They're risking their lives.