Neighbor called police when child had loud meltdown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reassurance. The whole thing made a difficult morning with my child much worse. The neighbor has not acknowledged my note yet. It just occurred to me that since their dad drops the kids off on certain mornings at my house before school (and today was one of those mornings), and the meltdown happened immediately after he dropped them off, he could have called the police. But our coparenting has been going very smoothly for several years now. So I doubt he would do that.

I'm sorry what? You did not share the fact that this neighbor's children were in your house at the time. What the hell?

[Anonymous]

I misread. You think your ex called the cops?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

You're crazy. What if the child was screaming because someone was abusing him, or someone was hurting his parent, or an intruder was entering the home?

I didn't call the police, but one time, I called my neighbor because I heard her older teenage daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. Very loudly. I feared she was there alone with her boyfriend, and a DV situation was occurring. So I called my neighbor, and it turns out my neighbor was home, and they were arguing. Her daughter was screaming at her. I was embarrassed, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something terrible was happening, and I just listened and did nothing.

What if the police harmed the family because of your call? Would you forgive yourself then?

I think your choice was reasonable, but there’s no “get out of regret free” card for life. Every decision can go wrong.

What if the daughter was really being harmed and you just took the neighbor’s word for it. Would you forgive yourself then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reassurance. The whole thing made a difficult morning with my child much worse. The neighbor has not acknowledged my note yet. It just occurred to me that since their dad drops the kids off on certain mornings at my house before school (and today was one of those mornings), and the meltdown happened immediately after he dropped them off, he could have called the police. But our coparenting has been going very smoothly for several years now. So I doubt he would do that.

I'm sorry what? You did not share the fact that this neighbor's children were in your house at the time. What the hell?

Too many pronouns in OP’s update to be sure what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

You're crazy. What if the child was screaming because someone was abusing him, or someone was hurting his parent, or an intruder was entering the home?

I didn't call the police, but one time, I called my neighbor because I heard her older teenage daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. Very loudly. I feared she was there alone with her boyfriend, and a DV situation was occurring. So I called my neighbor, and it turns out my neighbor was home, and they were arguing. Her daughter was screaming at her. I was embarrassed, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something terrible was happening, and I just listened and did nothing.

What if the police harmed the family because of your call? Would you forgive yourself then?

I think your choice was reasonable, but there’s no “get out of regret free” card for life. Every decision can go wrong.

THIS. So much of this. Most police now are quite dangerous and trigger happy. It's from hiring ex military and bottom of the barrel.

Too many police with a respect-my-authority complex that like to place socialist stazi gestapo with their immunity.

People who really need help aren’t going to get it if you spread this attitude.

[Anonymous]

If I hear kids screaming in a way that is outside the parameters of kids their age for any sustained period of time, or brief screams that seem in unusual potential danger, of course I'd call the police immediately. I've never needed to do so (and have been a parent for decades) but that's the job of being an adult in a community. I say this as someone who was in fact physically abused as a child and teen, and about whom nobody ever called the police. I unfortunately have scars from the boiling water to prove what being timid in this situation can do to a child. And if you have kids who have a circumstance that may be confused for danger, please just let your neighbors know so they aren't left in the position of not knowing whether to call for help.

Sometimes I forget that DCUM (and the population more broadly) doesn't have a real sense to how prevalent and harmful domestic violence can be.

[Anonymous]

Try to see the positive in this.
Take it as extra adult support for your situation.
Remind your son that when his behavior gets too bad, the police will come, which means it’s serious.
Any additional adult support is good. All kids need to know what is inappropriate behavior.
Also, your neighbor might be worried for you and if your son is capable of such noise, you may be at risk for his violence

[Anonymous]

And OP, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. You are doing the best you can, and it’s not your fault your son acts out. The police came because of your son not you.

[Anonymous]

The system worked as it should have, OP.
You may have been brainwashed with horror stories about police, but most of them are nice. The neighbor did their duty. You are doing your job as a parent.

Please try not to feel so sensitive about this. I’m a foreigner on a visa and American police seem scary to me too, but as you can see, it turned out all right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

You're crazy. What if the child was screaming because someone was abusing him, or someone was hurting his parent, or an intruder was entering the home?

I didn't call the police, but one time, I called my neighbor because I heard her older teenage daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. Very loudly. I feared she was there alone with her boyfriend, and a DV situation was occurring. So I called my neighbor, and it turns out my neighbor was home, and they were arguing. Her daughter was screaming at her. I was embarrassed, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something terrible was happening, and I just listened and did nothing.

What if the police harmed the family because of your call? Would you forgive yourself then?

I think your choice was reasonable, but there’s no “get out of regret free” card for life. Every decision can go wrong.

THIS. So much of this. Most police now are quite dangerous and trigger happy. It's from hiring ex military and bottom of the barrel.

Too many police with a respect-my-authority complex that like to place socialist stazi gestapo with their immunity.

People who really need help aren’t going to get it if you spread this attitude.

The many instances of police brutality are actually what are spreading “this attitude “. That’s something that many of us have to deal with and weigh — all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your kid not to scream.

Do you have an autistic child who you have "taught not to scream?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this happen - my kid was crying at the bus stop for having to go to school. She’s a little bit of a drama queen and admits it. I’m also a minority mom, so I do wonder what “the neighbors” think.

So a passing mom (who happens to be a teacher at her school) called the police. I found out who called (days later) because my kid told me and so did the passing mom. I did thank her for calling and my kid for confirming what happened. The police did come visit and performed a welfare check. I was surprised but I was glad that someone cared about my kid. The police also verified my kid was at school and was doing ok. It’s not a big deal unless you’re hiding something and the bar for that is pretty high (not just being gay or using pot, but like having a sex offender boyfriend.) The kid does need to be where you think they are. If they’re not, the cops will look at mom and dad. A minority might have a harder time because cops might not understand different cultures or people with disabilities (who are all different.)

Putting cameras in seems a little extreme. Know your rights, behave like a lady. If the cop mouths off you can report them. I’ve done that before. You seem overly anxious for what sounds like a shitty morning, but one where the process worked as it should.

LOL at the busybody teacher trying to paint herself as some angel.

Actually the teacher — who is mandated by law to report any suspicion of possible child abuse — followed the law. It’s great that she also took the difficult but potentially helpful step of also talking with the parent.

[Anonymous]

Teaching an autistic child not to scream is easier said than done. It’s a great goal. But perhaps not realistic all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

You're crazy. What if the child was screaming because someone was abusing him, or someone was hurting his parent, or an intruder was entering the home?

I didn't call the police, but one time, I called my neighbor because I heard her older teenage daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. Very loudly. I feared she was there alone with her boyfriend, and a DV situation was occurring. So I called my neighbor, and it turns out my neighbor was home, and they were arguing. Her daughter was screaming at her. I was embarrassed, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something terrible was happening, and I just listened and did nothing.

What if the police harmed the family because of your call? Would you forgive yourself then?

I think your choice was reasonable, but there’s no “get out of regret free” card for life. Every decision can go wrong.

+1. Families with neurodivergent kids - whether that's a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism or a mental illness like bipolar - are terrified when police show up. They often are not well-trained about these disorders/illnesses and that can escalate these situations in dangerous ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

You're crazy. What if the child was screaming because someone was abusing him, or someone was hurting his parent, or an intruder was entering the home?

I didn't call the police, but one time, I called my neighbor because I heard her older teenage daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. Very loudly. I feared she was there alone with her boyfriend, and a DV situation was occurring. So I called my neighbor, and it turns out my neighbor was home, and they were arguing. Her daughter was screaming at her. I was embarrassed, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something terrible was happening, and I just listened and did nothing.

What if the police harmed the family because of your call? Would you forgive yourself then?

I think your choice was reasonable, but there’s no “get out of regret free” card for life. Every decision can go wrong.

THIS. So much of this. Most police now are quite dangerous and trigger happy. It's from hiring ex military and bottom of the barrel.

Too many police with a respect-my-authority complex that like to place socialist stazi gestapo with their immunity.

People who really need help aren’t going to get it if you spread this attitude.

The many instances of police brutality are actually what are spreading “this attitude “. That’s something that many of us have to deal with and weigh — all the time.

+1. Police are often the problem, not the solution. That is reality.