Neighbor called police when child had loud meltdown

[Anonymous]

While I appreciate that someone cared enough to verify that my child was not in danger, I was really horrified this morning when the police showed up at my house. My elementary age child, who has autism and ADHD, had a very loud meltdown about something insignificant. Child is on medication, in therapy, and we work with their medical team to develop treatment and coping strategies. We are actively working on emotional regulation. It is NOT easy.

I feel so upset, embarrassed, sad, scared. To me, it means my neighbor suspected abuse and asked the police to do a welfare check. They came in, we talked, they talked to my child, and all was well. I fear that now I have a record started. What if they keep being called for welfare checks? What if my ex uses this against me?

I feel the need to have a security camera at least inside the main living area, to protect myself against any accusations.

It could really have only been one neighbor. I wrote them a note explaining my child’s neurodivergence, apologized for any disturbance, and asked that they contact me with concerns. I haven’t been able to stop crying today over this, and I didn’t go to work. I’ve never had interaction with police beyond a speeding ticket.

[Anonymous]

So sorry op.
I am always teaching my two boys — adhd (haven’t ruled out autism) and non-diagnosed possible adhd — to not scream.

I teach them to no avail.

And meltdown screams sound like a family member just died.

Other people need to be aware that a meltdown over a knot in a shoelace can sound like someone is getting hurt, and the screaming can last for 10 minutes. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

I know this is upsetting and even scary, but are you sure it was anything more than a noise complaint? I think your neighbor was probably more annoyed by the noise than scared that your child was being abused.

Police officers see a lot of terrible things. I guarantee you it would take more than a kid on the spectrum screaming to make them concerned.

Everything will be okay. You’ve done nothing wrong, and the police were satisfied that there was no criminal activity.

[Anonymous]

Just go to your neighbor and thank them for making sure your child wasn't being abused. Say you understand why they were worried, and that she was just having a big meltdown and the police verified everything is fine. Tell her again how appreciative you are to know people nearby are looking out for your child, you're sorry for the disturbance, it takes a village, etc.

[Anonymous]

Police dispatcher here: it would have been either a welfare check or a domestic report.
Either way once the police come out and verify everything is ok they’re done. There is no report done.
It will show up a a “ prior call” on your address to us but that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

[Anonymous]

Teach your kid not to scream.

[Anonymous]

OP, you did the right thing to write a note and explain.

It is scary to be visited by the police.

However, your neighbor did what they thought was best. And now they have more information and next time may decide differently.

The news bombards us with horror stories. It's hard to know when to step in.

Forgive them for the minor intrusion and your scare, heal and move on.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for the reassurance. The whole thing made a difficult morning with my child much worse. The neighbor has not acknowledged my note yet. It just occurred to me that since their dad drops the kids off on certain mornings at my house before school (and today was one of those mornings), and the meltdown happened immediately after he dropped them off, he could have called the police. But our coparenting has been going very smoothly for several years now. So I doubt he would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

You're crazy. What if the child was screaming because someone was abusing him, or someone was hurting his parent, or an intruder was entering the home?

I didn't call the police, but one time, I called my neighbor because I heard her older teenage daughter screaming at the top of her lungs. Very loudly. I feared she was there alone with her boyfriend, and a DV situation was occurring. So I called my neighbor, and it turns out my neighbor was home, and they were arguing. Her daughter was screaming at her. I was embarrassed, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something terrible was happening, and I just listened and did nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

So, you’re saying that you would WANT your neighbors to hear your child screaming — and ignore it?

I’m making some assumptions here that might not be true. The first is that it sounds like the OP wrote the note to the neighbor after this incident. Imagine if she had already known the neighbors well enough— so that they already would have thought to call, and even offer help before calling the police for assistance. I’m assuming that the neighbor meant well here.
I think the OP has the right take here. As difficult as the situation has been for her, at least she has a neighbor who cared enough to verify that her child was not in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reassurance. The whole thing made a difficult morning with my child much worse. The neighbor has not acknowledged my note yet. It just occurred to me that since their dad drops the kids off on certain mornings at my house before school (and today was one of those mornings), and the meltdown happened immediately after he dropped them off, he could have called the police. But our coparenting has been going very smoothly for several years now. So I doubt he would do that.

I mean this kindly, but I think paranoia is getting the best of you. You’ve still got that residual feeling from the adrenaline rush of having the police show up, but you need to remind yourself that the situation has passed. It’s over. There’s nothing you need to be doing to “fix” this. Please find something to divert your attention for a while and make sure you engage in some self care yet today. Do at least one relaxing thing.

[Anonymous]

My totally normal niece had a huge screaming meltdown a couple of times at the beginning of the pandemic when she was 4. She went from going to school, then going to the park and ballet and playdates and museums to being home ALL the time because we were worried about a disease that killed people she knew.

My brother told me he was worried neighbors in their condo would call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever called is an ahole. Sorry you had to experience that. Have they apologized to you?

Calling was the right thing to do. Ignoring a screaming child is the ahole move.

[Anonymous]

I can see how this was very upsetting and distressing, but actually it sounds like everything worked about as well as we can hope for.

I think cameras are great. Given that you have a special needs child and it sounds like a difficult co-parenting situation? Cameras seem like a good idea.