Won't stop coming home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child is struggling with homesickness and adjusting to college life, which is completely normal, especially in the first year. Here are some things you might try to help with the transition:

1. Set Expectations for Staying on Campus – If they come home every weekend, they aren’t fully immersing themselves in college life. Encourage them to stay on campus at least every other weekend to start. Frame it as an experiment rather than a strict rule.

2. Validate Their Feelings – Let them know it’s okay to miss home, but remind them that discomfort is part of growing and that they will feel more at home if they give it time.

3. Encourage Small Steps Toward Engagement – They don’t need to jump into a bunch of activities all at once, but encourage them to try one new thing each week—attending a club meeting, going to a campus event, or studying with a classmate.

4. Help Them Find a Comfortable Space on Campus – If their dorm room doesn’t feel like home, maybe they can find a favorite study spot, coffee shop, or library space that feels welcoming.

5. Encourage Open Communication With the Roommate – Living with someone new is a challenge, and they might not become best friends. If issues arise, encourage direct but kind communication or seeking mediation from an RA.

6. Connect With Others in Similar Situations – A lot of freshmen feel the same way. Maybe they can find a classmate or another student who also goes home often and challenge each other to stay on campus one weekend.

7. Use Campus Resources – Many schools have counseling services, residence life support, or peer mentorship programs that could help them feel more connected.

Would they be open to setting a short-term goal, like staying on campus two weekends in a row or attending one club meeting in the next month? Sometimes small challenges like that make the adjustment feel more manageable.

Wow. You are really good at this. I was going to recommend setting up the boyfriend to get busted cheating so she wouldn't want to come home any more. I like your ideas better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to a university ~2 hrs away from our home and keeps coming home on weekends. We also hear frequently about how much they want to come home when they are there (~50% acceptance rate). DC has yet to attend any club meetings and is having a hard time adjusting to living away from home, with a roommate, not having family nearby. Any advice?

Curious what the acceptance rate has to do with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

SPRING BREAK????????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

+1
Honestly, I have to wonder about some of these “parents.” I knew I was welcome to come home anytime - and that knowledge and security made it much more bearable for me to just stick it out until I was comfortable. How depressing to know you aren’t going to be welcomed at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

+1
Honestly, I have to wonder about some of these “parents.” I knew I was welcome to come home anytime - and that knowledge and security made it much more bearable for me to just stick it out until I was comfortable. How depressing to know you aren’t going to be welcomed at home.

I know! It’s heart breaking. No wonder so many college kids are depressed. They are without a true home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he hasn't found his place on campus or made friends, which is pretty common at that age. After adolescence, forming bonds takes more effort than during childhood because self-consciousness makes it harder to let down walls. The hack for getting around this problem is to join a fraternity.

Pledgeship forces those walls down, creating the kind of fast friendships he probably made as a kid. By the end of the process, he won’t be asking to come home. When you talk to him on the phone or see him on breaks, he'll be talking about his college friends and experiences instead of reminiscing about high school or wishing things were the way they used to be.

He’ll also be set for the next three years: god status on campus, access to the best parties, tailgates, and girls, and a lucrative network that will open doors after graduation. There’s a reason fraternity men have higher GPAs, graduation rates, and starting salaries than GDIs.

And heeeeeee’s back… the sad old frat dude who continues to rehash his youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

I think it’s the norm. Maybe sounds odd when you say it out loud, but it’s not a bad thing

DP. That is definitely not the “norm.” How completely bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child is struggling with homesickness and adjusting to college life, which is completely normal, especially in the first year. Here are some things you might try to help with the transition:

1. Set Expectations for Staying on Campus – If they come home every weekend, they aren’t fully immersing themselves in college life. Encourage them to stay on campus at least every other weekend to start. Frame it as an experiment rather than a strict rule.

2. Validate Their Feelings – Let them know it’s okay to miss home, but remind them that discomfort is part of growing and that they will feel more at home if they give it time.

3. Encourage Small Steps Toward Engagement – They don’t need to jump into a bunch of activities all at once, but encourage them to try one new thing each week—attending a club meeting, going to a campus event, or studying with a classmate.

4. Help Them Find a Comfortable Space on Campus – If their dorm room doesn’t feel like home, maybe they can find a favorite study spot, coffee shop, or library space that feels welcoming.

5. Encourage Open Communication With the Roommate – Living with someone new is a challenge, and they might not become best friends. If issues arise, encourage direct but kind communication or seeking mediation from an RA.

6. Connect With Others in Similar Situations – A lot of freshmen feel the same way. Maybe they can find a classmate or another student who also goes home often and challenge each other to stay on campus one weekend.

7. Use Campus Resources – Many schools have counseling services, residence life support, or peer mentorship programs that could help them feel more connected.

Would they be open to setting a short-term goal, like staying on campus two weekends in a row or attending one club meeting in the next month? Sometimes small challenges like that make the adjustment feel more manageable.

Wow. You are really good at this. I was going to recommend setting up the boyfriend to get busted cheating so she wouldn't want to come home any more. I like your ideas better.

This is just ChatGPT-generated drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make it stop! It will be painful at first but better for them in long run.

Kids need to be away for college.

Why?! How being away from college helps in the long run?
In many countries kids go to college in same town/city where they live with their parents, and they grow up just fine.

Agree. I'm surprised at the number of people who act like it's a good thing to not want to come home. Our society is isolated enough as it is, and it isn't a sign of failure if someone prefers to visit home a lot. I hope my child will want to do the same when he leaves.

This. I lived with my parents when I was in college (45 minutes away). I still made a ton of friends and today, have a great job, wonderful family, and an amazing career. I don't understand the big deal. Not everyone wants to experience "going away" for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

I think it’s the norm. Maybe sounds odd when you say it out loud, but it’s not a bad thing

DP. That is definitely not the “norm.” How completely bizarre.

+1
Really sad and odd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid goes to UMD. 40 minutes from home. He would come back during the weekend like clockwork. We were thrilled to see him and never asked him why. I would send him back with care package, washed and ironed his laundry, supplies.

Anyways, over the years, he comes less and less. Stays in an off campus apartment. During the summer, he comes but gets busy with his internships. We don't worry about it. He has friends, joined a few clubs, getting good grades, interning for money each summer etc.

Give your kid time. Don't create a problem where none exists.

+100
And he will look back with gratitude for the support his parents consistently showed him. AND, he’ll want to continue coming home to visit as he gets older, bringing his own family with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child is struggling with homesickness and adjusting to college life, which is completely normal, especially in the first year. Here are some things you might try to help with the transition:

1. Set Expectations for Staying on Campus – If they come home every weekend, they aren’t fully immersing themselves in college life. Encourage them to stay on campus at least every other weekend to start. Frame it as an experiment rather than a strict rule.

2. Validate Their Feelings – Let them know it’s okay to miss home, but remind them that discomfort is part of growing and that they will feel more at home if they give it time.

3. Encourage Small Steps Toward Engagement – They don’t need to jump into a bunch of activities all at once, but encourage them to try one new thing each week—attending a club meeting, going to a campus event, or studying with a classmate.

4. Help Them Find a Comfortable Space on Campus – If their dorm room doesn’t feel like home, maybe they can find a favorite study spot, coffee shop, or library space that feels welcoming.

5. Encourage Open Communication With the Roommate – Living with someone new is a challenge, and they might not become best friends. If issues arise, encourage direct but kind communication or seeking mediation from an RA.

6. Connect With Others in Similar Situations – A lot of freshmen feel the same way. Maybe they can find a classmate or another student who also goes home often and challenge each other to stay on campus one weekend.

7. Use Campus Resources – Many schools have counseling services, residence life support, or peer mentorship programs that could help them feel more connected.

Would they be open to setting a short-term goal, like staying on campus two weekends in a row or attending one club meeting in the next month? Sometimes small challenges like that make the adjustment feel more manageable.

Wow. You are really good at this. I was going to recommend setting up the boyfriend to get busted cheating so she wouldn't want to come home any more. I like your ideas better.

This is just ChatGPT-generated drivel.

+1
I’m amazed that some people can’t recognize that.

[Anonymous]

50% acceptance rate - huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he hasn't found his place on campus or made friends, which is pretty common at that age. After adolescence, forming bonds takes more effort than during childhood because self-consciousness makes it harder to let down walls. The hack for getting around this problem is to join a fraternity.

Pledgeship forces those walls down, creating the kind of fast friendships he probably made as a kid. By the end of the process, he won’t be asking to come home. When you talk to him on the phone or see him on breaks, he'll be talking about his college friends and experiences instead of reminiscing about high school or wishing things were the way they used to be.

He’ll also be set for the next three years: god status on campus, access to the best parties, tailgates, and girls, and a lucrative network that will open doors after graduation. There’s a reason fraternity men have higher GPAs, graduation rates, and starting salaries than GDIs.

And heeeeeee’s back… the sad old frat dude who continues to rehash his youth.

+1. A legend in his own mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50% acceptance rate - huh?

Does the OP mean they are letting their kid come home only 50% of the time? Acceptance rate to home?