Won't stop coming home

[Anonymous]

DC is going to a university ~2 hrs away from our home and keeps coming home on weekends. We also hear frequently about how much they want to come home when they are there (~50% acceptance rate). DC has yet to attend any club meetings and is having a hard time adjusting to living away from home, with a roommate, not having family nearby. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Take their car away.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage them to check out club fairs if the college has them or just pick one or two that interest them if they don't. I'd also limit picking them up and bringing them home as much as you can. It doesn't help them to hide at home.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you want to get meaningful advice, you have to provide more background information.

Is your DC a freshman, sophomore, junior or senior? That matters.

Is your DC 18 or 22 years old? That matters.

Did your DC want to go to this school? Is DC in a program/ major that they are really interested in? That matters.

Is this simple homesickness in a freshman or a senior who is failing out?

[Anonymous]

Make it stop! It will be painful at first but better for them in long run.

Kids need to be away for college.

[Anonymous]

I’d tried to be there for them. Your child is obviously going through a difficult time. What’s so wrong with wanting to be with family? I was in this position when I was in college. My parents were not supportive. I ended up moving in with a terrible boyfriend. It would’ve been much better to have been accepted at home. College dorm life living with strangers isn’t for everyone.

[Anonymous]

We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

[Anonymous]

We had the same issue last semester, which was DD's first semester away, as she was a transfer and transferred in as a sophomore to a school ~2hrs away.

Last semester, just having turned 20, we kept telling DD to stop coming home to hang out w/ her one friend here, and a boyfriend that she stupidly started going out with in early August before she moved to campus.

We told her again and again to go to clubs/activities... she made a few friends, but not enough...

I did consider pulling the car, but those kind of actions cause all sorts of other repercussions, so we never went that far...

Eventually, and thankfully, her and the boyfriend broke it off, her grades suffered as a result of coming home too frequently, and not going back in time. When applying for internships, she saw companies wanted to know her current GPA. All that was a bit of a wake up call to her.

She rushed last month, and although we were initially not fans of that, i think it is good for her as it enabled her to find more friends and community on campus. Despite us telling her to go to clubs and activities last semester.

Sometimes, they need to just figure it out themselves. And it's just hard to make it happen.

I was beginning to have regrets that she was going away to college, but not far away enough... It seems to be better now. She hasn't come home yet... I would prefer it stays that way until at least Spring break.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he hasn't found his place on campus or made friends, which is pretty common at that age. After adolescence, forming bonds takes more effort than during childhood because self-consciousness makes it harder to let down walls. The hack for getting around this problem is to join a fraternity.

Pledgeship forces those walls down, creating the kind of fast friendships he probably made as a kid. By the end of the process, he won’t be asking to come home. When you talk to him on the phone or see him on breaks, he'll be talking about his college friends and experiences instead of reminiscing about high school or wishing things were the way they used to be.

He’ll also be set for the next three years: god status on campus, access to the best parties, tailgates, and girls, and a lucrative network that will open doors after graduation. There’s a reason fraternity men have higher GPAs, graduation rates, and starting salaries than GDIs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a family rule that we were not to come home before Thanksgiving.

I would set a date when you are going to visit them (stay in a hotel, one overnight) but they are not to come home until .... whenever. Spring break maybe.

That’s horrible!

I think it’s the norm. Maybe sounds odd when you say it out loud, but it’s not a bad thing

[Anonymous]

Aw poor kid. Let them come as long as they need, but sit them down to discuss strategies about how to engage and be happier with campus life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to a university ~2 hrs away from our home and keeps coming home on weekends. We also hear frequently about how much they want to come home when they are there (~50% acceptance rate). DC has yet to attend any club meetings and is having a hard time adjusting to living away from home, with a roommate, not having family nearby. Any advice?

Be kind to your child please and welcome them with open arms. They do not need you to make them feel badly for coming home.

[Anonymous]

Seems crazy to pay room and board. Does she want to transfer to a local school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is going to a university ~2 hrs away from our home and keeps coming home on weekends. We also hear frequently about how much they want to come home when they are there (~50% acceptance rate). DC has yet to attend any club meetings and is having a hard time adjusting to living away from home, with a roommate, not having family nearby. Any advice?

I'm sorry, but why did you mention the acceptance rate?