How can I stop ruminating this event that happened decades ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Revenge for hire? Some great companies out there. Not criminal, of course. But pretty funny and clever stuff. I’ve never used that type of service. I’m stealth and I don’t even have to think when defending others and younger self against creepy old guys.

I actually really like this. OP, do you have his number or email?

[Anonymous]

It’s a type of anxiety. Plus your mind is in the habit of going there. Do you wish you had stood up for yourself? My husband has a similar story (long ago job, bad situation wasn’t his fault, rumination years later). He couldn’t get past the fact that he let himself be taken advantage of (his words).

Try cbt therapy.

[Anonymous]

Make a voodoo doll and stab it with pins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have nothing to be ashamed of! He was the jerk who threw you under the bus. Is it possible you are ashamed that in the moment you didn’t stick up for yourself?

100%! I think that’s the issue. I know exactly how I would stick up for myself today, and I am so upset that that young girl didn’t know what to do. I am so pissed off at that man for taking advantage of that.

I think every woman in the corporate world in her 20's has cried at or at least about work, and also not known how to stand up for herself. It takes time to learn these things. Sometimes you learn from experience and sometimes through making friends with a coworker who has a bit more experience than you who tells you and helps.

+100
NP. I'm 56 and so glad I read this thread! I also had a traumatizing work incident when I was about 22 - fresh out of college and so stupid and naive. I've thought about it often with the same feeling of dread in my stomach. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Revenge for hire? Some great companies out there. Not criminal, of course. But pretty funny and clever stuff. I’ve never used that type of service. I’m stealth and I don’t even have to think when defending others and younger self against creepy old guys.

Lots of creepy old women too. One of my worst workplace bullies was an older woman. I've never forgotten her.

[Anonymous]

OP, nothing new to add here. Everyone else has good feedback. I think it's normal to relive it due to the injustice and wishing you could have a do-over. If you know this idiot's name I would have no shame investing in revenge either. I think sharing the story helps because you will feel better getting the reinforcement of everyone agreeing this was bs. And you can teach others.

[Anonymous]

I learned this technique to help your brain get past an injustice.

You write 3 letters with a pen on paper.

LETTER 1: Address this to the bad boss. Tell him how unfair he was, how crappy he made you feel, how he took advantage of your inexperience, etc. Use every and any $&@&# word you feel like. Get angry and emotional, tell him how he has made you feel thinking of this for years and years.

LETTER 2: Address this to yourself from the bad boss. Write the letter as if you are the bad boss who now realizes what a terrible thing he did. Have him tell you it wasn't fair and he is ashamed that he did this thing so many years ago that hurt you. Have him apologize that it has affected you in such a deep way and that you did not deserve that. Have him ask you for your forgiveness.

LETTER 3: Address this back to the bad boss. This letter is short and you thank him for realizing what a jerk he was and that you accept his apology.

Letter 1 is to let your brain dump all the emotion and anger and say every harsh thing you have been thinking. It will be cathartic to put this on paper. It can go on for pages and pages!

Letter 2 is to give your brain the apology it needs to hear and deserves to hear. It doesn't matter that bad boss didn't actually write it. Seeing and hearing the words on paper that bad boss should be saying will help your brain process this injustice and heal.

Letter 3 is to let your brain have a conclusion. You were mistreated, you were heard, you were apologized to and you now accept their apology.

Last step: Burn all 3 letters!

This actually worked when I couldn't get over how badly an ex had treated me. I thought the experiment was hokey when I first heard about it, but I did it anyway and was amazed at how it freed my brain from ruminating about something that happened years ago.