I can see my parents getting divorced because Dad won't retire

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks OP makes no sense? They took 3 trips last year and had fun. Your dad works because he likes what he does and hates where he lives. He also seems to get that your mom would have no desire to move because of her family. It doesn't sound like he's ever pressured her to move or even really brought it up. He's just accepted it, but he keeps working because he knows he would be even more miserable retired.

This doesn't really sound like it has anything to do with him working. It sounds like people who have been together for 40 years and have grown apart. That doesn't mean they will divorce.

[Anonymous]

It’s none of your business.

[Anonymous]

This "I need to travel all the time when retired" is a woman thing. Your mom needs to find someone else to travel with, be it her sister(s) or a friend, or go solo. Your dad doesn't enjoy travel, especially being stuck with your mom, and uses work as an excuse, and I'm sure he likes working too to "be out of the house", especially if he's doing well in his career. We've all used the "I'm busy" with people who pester us, want us to do what they want and need endless hand-holding. Your mom is retired -- she can get out of the house and travel wherever she wants!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

I guess I'm not sure I see what the problem is. If your dad wants to keep working, and that keeps him rooted in the place where your mom wants to live - what is the issue? They are traveling - your mom wants to travel more? Is that the whole of it?

+1. I'd encourage my mom to let dad keep working and them both to travel together and separately. Perhaps she could travel with her sisters and he could take trips he is interested in that she is not keen on. I have a feeling she wouldn't want him around as much as she thinks she would.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t they learned to compromise after all these years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

Has your dad expressed any intention to separate?

[Anonymous]

DP. She's still adjusting to being retired. She needs to find some activities she enjoys that don't require your dad to be there. She was probably used to work providing that social outlet and has anxiety about venturing out on her own. Bet there are some retired women's groups out there looking for members. What did she enjoy doing pre-kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

Has your dad expressed any intention to separate?

Reading between the lines, it sounds like OP respects her dad and doesn't respect her mom. So she's judging her mom, and thinking her dad will want to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

Has your dad expressed any intention to separate?

Reading between the lines, it sounds like OP respects her dad and doesn't respect her mom. So she's judging her mom, and thinking her dad will want to leave.

Dad has the money. If he leaves for another woman there goes the inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

Has your dad expressed any intention to separate?

Reading between the lines, it sounds like OP respects her dad and doesn't respect her mom. So she's judging her mom, and thinking her dad will want to leave.

+1
Posted very contradictory information about mom. First she’s boring and lazy and doesn’t leave the house. But wait, she wants Dad to travel, and they took big trips last year. Dad chose to live where he lives. Mom can sleep til 11. My body would love to stay up late and sleep late. I can’t wait until I can do that most of the time.

ANYWAY

OP, it’s none of your business, just stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not your parents’ marriage counselor.

This.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of your parents marriage.

[Anonymous]

NOTHING is keeping her from traveling. Nothing is keeping her from doing anything she wants, in her retirement. Likewise, she can spend her retirement anyway she wants - no one should be judging.

Whatever happens, happens. Concentrate only on your own life Op.

[Anonymous]

They could buy two properties and live separately and see each other when they feel like it.
No need to divorce, and let him work until he is able to.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t your mom live up her life while your dad is working? They don’t need to always be together. Being a couch potato isn’t going to inspire him to stay home to that! She needs to get out and do things that show him what retired life can look like. Until then, I can see why he’s far happier at work every day!!