I can see my parents getting divorced because Dad won't retire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t your mom travel without him? She could also visit her sister’s alone.

Did you even bother to read the OP? Her mom doesn't want to travel, her dad does. Her mother hast turned into a slug in retirement. She wants to hang out in her hometown with her family, while he doesn't like the town and wants to travel, or move.

OP, I think you have to not focus on what YOU want (having a loving intact family) and focus on what it best for them. It is entirely possible that divorce, or living apart, will make them both happier.

This isn’t the impression I got at all. OP said the mom is the one who mentions travel, the dad just wants to keep working. Mom is lazy and sits around the house all day.

OP, can you clarify?

OP said mom wants to travel and otherwise hang out with her sisters, and dad wants to move overseas and presumably not hang out with the mom's sisters.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your mom is blaming your dad for the fact that she is lazy and really only wants to hang out with her sisters. What grown woman sleeps until 11am? Then sits in a recliner talking on the phone. This sounds like a college kid home for the summer.

Also, you saying "Looks like I am going to be the bride with the separated parents." This isn't about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people who have intellectual jobs don’t retire because they love it, have worked their entire adult lives and can’t imagine not working. My law firm has at least a dozen lawyers in their 70’s.

Stay out of it.

OP-part of it is because my father was a late bloomer. His career really didn't take off until his mid 50s. We're close and I know he is trying to make up for lost time.

I guess I'm not sure I see what the problem is. If your dad wants to keep working, and that keeps him rooted in the place where your mom wants to live - what is the issue? They are traveling - your mom wants to travel more? Is that the whole of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t your mom travel without him? She could also visit her sister’s alone.

Did you even bother to read the OP? Her mom doesn't want to travel, her dad does. Her mother hast turned into a slug in retirement. She wants to hang out in her hometown with her family, while he doesn't like the town and wants to travel, or move.

OP, I think you have to not focus on what YOU want (having a loving intact family) and focus on what it best for them. It is entirely possible that divorce, or living apart, will make them both happier.

They both like to travel, and when the came back from last year's trips they both said how much fun they had. It's that my dad wants to keep working while mom turned into a couch potato.
This isn’t the impression I got at all. OP said the mom is the one who mentions travel, the dad just wants to keep working. Mom is lazy and sits around the house all day.

OP, can you clarify?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom is blaming your dad for the fact that she is lazy and really only wants to hang out with her sisters. What grown woman sleeps until 11am? Then sits in a recliner talking on the phone. This sounds like a college kid home for the summer.

Also, you saying "Looks like I am going to be the bride with the separated parents." This isn't about you.

Someone who doesn't feel well. Or is depressed. That's who does that.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do. Looks like this is their relationship dynamics. You can’t change them after being married that long. Their views about retirement is just so different.

Have you heard of gray divorce? Apparently it’s on the rise and it’s highest than any age category.

[Anonymous]

You stay out of it.

If they divorce, so be it. It's not your responsibility to hold their relationship together and not your if it falls apart.

[Anonymous]

So your Dad refuses to retire because he loves his job, but hates where he lives and wants to move? Move to a new area to do the same job or find a new one? Is the house paid off? Why doesn't he travel? Your statements about his wishes make no sense.

Your mom retired and can spend her days as she wishes. Dad sounds bitter she retired but he himself refuses to retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom is blaming your dad for the fact that she is lazy and really only wants to hang out with her sisters. What grown woman sleeps until 11am? Then sits in a recliner talking on the phone. This sounds like a college kid home for the summer.

Also, you saying "Looks like I am going to be the bride with the separated parents." This isn't about you.

Someone who doesn't feel well. Or is depressed. That's who does that.

Or someone who is retired. She earned the right to do whatever she wants with her later years. Sitting around the house would not be my choice, but it's the choice my mother made and both of my inlaws.

[Anonymous]

If you get engaged that may give your mom a bunch of stuff to do which may excite her (if youre open to that)

[Anonymous]

Why can't your mother travel with her sisters?

She seems overly dependent on her husband, and unable to find friends, hobbies, etc.

Team Father here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mom is blaming your dad for the fact that she is lazy and really only wants to hang out with her sisters. What grown woman sleeps until 11am? Then sits in a recliner talking on the phone. This sounds like a college kid home for the summer.

Also, you saying "Looks like I am going to be the bride with the separated parents." This isn't about you.

Cmon guys! I am a night owl. Waking up in the morning has been physically painful for me for basically as long as I can remember. I cannot wait to sleep in when I retire. I can absolutely see myself doing this. And I am very active /not lazy.

[Anonymous]

My parents, who have been married for over 40 years, live separate lives now and come together for holidays. My mom has found a group of women she enjoys traveling with, and she also comes and stays with me and my siblings and watches our kids when we need help. My dad is still working at almost 70, making a significant income, and has hobbies that don't interest her. I think they'll be there for each other in the end, and they love being a family when grandkids are around, but they've had enough of each other otherwise. It's on them to figure it out, but at this point, I see no reason they would separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your mother travel with her sisters?

She seems overly dependent on her husband, and unable to find friends, hobbies, etc.

Team Father here.

+1. Or find friends to travel with. My aunt never had trouble finding other divorced/widowed/single women to travel with. Even if your father retires it doesn't guarantee he'll suddenly want to travel.