Handling school resistance to applying out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you told them because you didn't pay the deposit for next school year? Otherwise there was no reason to tell the school anything.

Just be gracious and patient until you leave.
This is nothing.

They need to request transcripts and recommendations in order to apply out.

Right, but were these requests just that, of the 2-3 teachers and the registrar? OP gives me the impression that she emoted all over the administration because she felt guilty for "abandoning" her legacy. I apologize, OP, if you did your best to stay under the radar. But my point is that you do not owe the current school an explanation or an announcement or any communication other than what's absolutely necessary regarding material sent for future schools to admit your child. Your context of generational attendance is a lure.

Op here. I emoted to no one.

The main office is the place that distributes records requests to the person who acts as the registrar (they have other official administrative functions, too) and the HOS approached me after we submitted our records request. They said “I saw that you’re applying out. I’m surprised that you would do that.” I was caught totally flatfooted but I said that DD was curious about options and so we were exploring them with her. Nothing else.

I didn’t say a word to anyone else beyond the two teachers. But by the next week work had gotten around, presumably from the Head and person who acts as registrar. I don’t know how word got to the person I volunteer with or the development office. I do know that my late mom was a longtime development volunteer whose time overlapped with some of the people still in the administration and who was friendly with them, so I’m sure that made them feel like they had license to talk to me in a way that crossed boundaries.

The emotions have been very one-way, which is weird because I thought I would feel bad changing my relationship with my school, and instead it’s like school is the one barfing their feelings out. It’s uncomfortable. I know we invested a lot of time and money in the school, but ultimately it’s not like we are dating or even friends. It’s just an institution and my child is my flesh and blood and I’m going to do right by her first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you told them because you didn't pay the deposit for next school year? Otherwise there was no reason to tell the school anything.

Just be gracious and patient until you leave.
This is nothing.

Oh we are totally paying the deposit. We have to, because DD needs to be accepted to another school and needs to make her choice, all of which will come after enrollment and deposits are due.

[Anonymous]

The kid could be blabbing to her friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid could be blabbing to her friends

OP and I promise she’s not. Her one condition for even considering applying out was that she wouldn’t have to tell anyone except when she had the rec letter discussion with her teachers.

She does have classmates who have blabbed in the past nonstop about applying, SSATs, ISEEs, visit days, etc. She had one friend who was secretly applying out last year and had the misfortune of being at a visit day with the school’s most obnoxious girl. That girl came back to school after the visit and immediately told everyone that other girl was applying out and how she hated them all and was going to leave. DD said the quiet girl went red and was really embarrassed. Then, another girl was like, how do you even know?

To her credit, DD said the girl looked up and said, because she was there, too!

And in the end neither of them left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you told them because you didn't pay the deposit for next school year? Otherwise there was no reason to tell the school anything.

Just be gracious and patient until you leave.
This is nothing.

They need to request transcripts and recommendations in order to apply out.

Right, but were these requests just that, of the 2-3 teachers and the registrar? OP gives me the impression that she emoted all over the administration because she felt guilty for "abandoning" her legacy. I apologize, OP, if you did your best to stay under the radar. But my point is that you do not owe the current school an explanation or an announcement or any communication other than what's absolutely necessary regarding material sent for future schools to admit your child. Your context of generational attendance is a lure.

No - the OP asked for recommendations and transcript and then everyone/someone was unprofessional and spread the word - and then people started to come out of the woodwork to hound her.

OP - I think at this point - take the very very high road and say all the "right" things. Then leave. If they ask for more donations after you leave, you might want to bring it up at that point. I'd certainly cut the donations by a lot (if you don't cut completely) - at least while the current HOS and development staff are there. Maybe increase again when they turn over.

[Anonymous]

I agree this is a troll post. Far too much identifying information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is a troll post. Far too much identifying information.

This is OP and no, it’s not a troll post. I wish I was making this up. We live in a state adjacent to the dmv which is probably why someone’s like “no one I know is like this at our all-girls school”. It’s somehow validating to hear that people can’t believe this is real, because at least I know that our situation should not be happening and is 100% not normal.

I’m grateful to the PPs on this thread who shared their similar experiences.

My only actionable advice to others: if you are applying out and trust the teachers who need to write your rec letters, talk to them first before putting anything in Ravenna so they get a head start on drafting their letters and aren’t intimidated by any negative feedback from leadership.

Also, have a partner handle open houses and school visits if you’re the parent who is more visible at your current school. DH went to most of ours and that kept any chatter between schools to a minimum since other parents and school admin didn’t recognize him save for one dad who he knew from work and who was also trying to be low-key.

[Anonymous]

Troll. OP clearly doesn’t understand how Ravenna works and how recommendation requests play out. Go ahead OP. Tell us more.

[Anonymous]

We applied out for 1st grade. Told only the K teacher, and asked her to keep it confidential, which I am confident she did.

Told the school itself later in the fall bc we had a rising K child as well, and they were asking for sibling applications (school prioritized siblings). I didn’t apply for the younger one. About a month later the school called me and I tried to graciously say that this want the right fit for us and we would be leaving. They then sent the director of admissions to call me and literally it was like talking to the retention desk at the cable company— this woman would not stop trying to convince me to stay. It was all super awkward. We were glad to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll. OP clearly doesn’t understand how Ravenna works and how recommendation requests play out. Go ahead OP. Tell us more.

You are writing this to an OP who has 4 apps complete in Ravenna, each of which had parts that didn’t overlap with the other schools. I also said that I live just past the DMV. I think it is safe to guess that the schools we are applying to have slightly different parts of their application process or applications than what you’ve experienced, but that does not make my experience wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is a troll post. Far too much identifying information.

This is OP and no, it’s not a troll post. I wish I was making this up. We live in a state adjacent to the dmv which is probably why someone’s like “no one I know is like this at our all-girls school”. It’s somehow validating to hear that people can’t believe this is real, because at least I know that our situation should not be happening and is 100% not normal.

I’m grateful to the PPs on this thread who shared their similar experiences.

My only actionable advice to others: if you are applying out and trust the teachers who need to write your rec letters, talk to them first before putting anything in Ravenna so they get a head start on drafting their letters and aren’t intimidated by any negative feedback from leadership.

Also, have a partner handle open houses and school visits if you’re the parent who is more visible at your current school. DH went to most of ours and that kept any chatter between schools to a minimum since other parents and school admin didn’t recognize him save for one dad who he knew from work and who was also trying to be low-key.

OP, why do you keep adding more and more identifying but unnecessary details like this? Everything relevant was in the first post, and likely could have applied to any number of people. But you keep narrowing it down, and if anyone from your school does stumble across this (less likely given that you are “just outside” the dmv - a weird descriptor in its own right) they will know exactly who you are.

That your daughter is a legacy and your family are wealthy donors is relevant. That you volunteer, maybe. That you are an extensive volunteer but your husband is less well known there, that your mother worked there for a long time and overlapped with the current staff (narrowing the timeline), and that it is a girls school - totally unneeded and extremely identifying. It’s almost like you hope someone doesn’t recognize you and starts circulating to the school how annoyed you are with the situation.

[Anonymous]

^hope someone *does* recognize you.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the comments but I think you should ask the next person that mentions this to you, how they heard about it as it’s a private decision and you didn’t share it with anyone except those that needed to know for the application process.

You don’t want to rock the boat too much prior to getting offers from other schools, but it’s so inappropriate that anyone at school would share your private information.

[Anonymous]

TOTALLY AGREE with this assessment below . OP’s choice to come here and vent for “ advice “ is beyond passive aggressive and the school ( if this is even real) should say good riddance. OP needs somewhere to feel relevant and clearly has nowhere to go. I feel for the kids.


“OP, why do you keep adding more and more identifying but unnecessary details like this? Everything relevant was in the first post, and likely could have applied to any number of people. But you keep narrowing it down, and if anyone from your school does stumble across this (less likely given that you are “just outside” the dmv - a weird descriptor in its own right) they will know exactly who you are.

That your daughter is a legacy and your family are wealthy donors is relevant. That you volunteer, maybe. That you are an extensive volunteer but your husband is less well known there, that your mother worked there for a long time and overlapped with the current staff (narrowing the timeline), and that it is a girls school - totally unneeded and extremely identifying. It’s almost like you hope someone doesn’t recognize you and starts circulating to the school how annoyed you are with the situation.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is a troll post. Far too much identifying information.

This is OP and no, it’s not a troll post. I wish I was making this up. We live in a state adjacent to the dmv which is probably why someone’s like “no one I know is like this at our all-girls school”. It’s somehow validating to hear that people can’t believe this is real, because at least I know that our situation should not be happening and is 100% not normal.

I’m grateful to the PPs on this thread who shared their similar experiences.

My only actionable advice to others: if you are applying out and trust the teachers who need to write your rec letters, talk to them first before putting anything in Ravenna so they get a head start on drafting their letters and aren’t intimidated by any negative feedback from leadership.

Also, have a partner handle open houses and school visits if you’re the parent who is more visible at your current school. DH went to most of ours and that kept any chatter between schools to a minimum since other parents and school admin didn’t recognize him save for one dad who he knew from work and who was also trying to be low-key.

OP, why do you keep adding more and more identifying but unnecessary details like this? Everything relevant was in the first post, and likely could have applied to any number of people. But you keep narrowing it down, and if anyone from your school does stumble across this (less likely given that you are “just outside” the dmv - a weird descriptor in its own right) they will know exactly who you are.

That your daughter is a legacy and your family are wealthy donors is relevant. That you volunteer, maybe. That you are an extensive volunteer but your husband is less well known there, that your mother worked there for a long time and overlapped with the current staff (narrowing the timeline), and that it is a girls school - totally unneeded and extremely identifying. It’s almost like you hope someone doesn’t recognize you and starts circulating to the school how annoyed you are with the situation.

Maybe OP is adding in more identifying information (that is actually not correct) in order to obscure her identity. You realize that people share half truths on here most of the time. They change genders, ages, areas, dates, etc.