Entering the teen dating era

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers for dating teens? In high school? I can’t even fathom the idea and it is certainly not one I’ll be wrestling with. Once in college, *maybe* if they want to bring home a serious person they are seeing. And even then it would certainly be in different bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers for dating teens? In high school? I can’t even fathom the idea and it is certainly not one I’ll be wrestling with. Once in college, *maybe* if they want to bring home a serious person they are seeing. And even then it would certainly be in different bedrooms.

If its a healthy relationship, sex isn't a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

If a teen relationship appears too enmeshed, other than talking about it and encouraging other friendships and activities, what can as parent do that won't backfire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

That is terrifying.

My teen daughters know girls like this. There's definitely a type and other kids talk about them. Not in a positive light by any means.

Pp sharing the OG info…not all of these girls have a reputation, and some of these things are only known to their close friends.

I didn’t even share the stuff I’ve heard about boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she isn't on BC yet do that stat. And make sure condoms are stocked and she knows where they are. We have all the normal rules (someone must be home, no closed doors) but 15/16 and at about 3 months seems to be the time sex starts. We got to know the parents decently well, lots of texting to arrange pickups and the like. Usually they saw each other 1 or 2 weeknights a week and one weekend day but it all depended on sports/vacations/schoolwork.

I don’t know about this. 3 months at 15? I have a 15 yr old and none of her friends are sex, a couple are in relationships. I recall same when I was in high school. I recall sex starting around 17 and at least 6 months dating for the friends I knew that were coupled and for myself

Aww sweetie. You are clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers for dating teens? In high school? I can’t even fathom the idea and it is certainly not one I’ll be wrestling with. Once in college, *maybe* if they want to bring home a serious person they are seeing. And even then it would certainly be in different bedrooms.

If its a healthy relationship, sex isn't a bad thing.

Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

There are TONS of bjs in high school. Most of them don’t consider it sex. The Starbucks bathroom is a popular spot. Have them get the Gardisil vax!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

That is terrifying.

My teen daughters know girls like this. There's definitely a type and other kids talk about them. Not in a positive light by any means.

Pp sharing the OG info…not all of these girls have a reputation, and some of these things are only known to their close friends.

I didn’t even share the stuff I’ve heard about boys.

Yes- girls who have sex with their drug dealer in their cars, definitely have a reputation whether they admit it or not. Same for those who have random hookups and three ways with Snapchat buddies. People talk. Just like we did back then when we were teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers for dating teens? In high school? I can’t even fathom the idea and it is certainly not one I’ll be wrestling with. Once in college, *maybe* if they want to bring home a serious person they are seeing. And even then it would certainly be in different bedrooms.

If its a healthy relationship, sex isn't a bad thing.

In my country, the children do not do such things whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

There are TONS of bjs in high school. Most of them don’t consider it sex. The Starbucks bathroom is a popular spot. Have them get the Gardisil vax!!

Ew. That is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a teen relationship appears too enmeshed, other than talking about it and encouraging other friendships and activities, what can as parent do that won't backfire?

More family weekend trips and out of town vacations. Make them get a job and/or volunteer hours; anywhere where the significant other is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers for dating teens? In high school? I can’t even fathom the idea and it is certainly not one I’ll be wrestling with. Once in college, *maybe* if they want to bring home a serious person they are seeing. And even then it would certainly be in different bedrooms.

If its a healthy relationship, sex isn't a bad thing.

Believe me, for many people from the U.S., we don’t condone this either for children.

In my country, the children do not do such things whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a teen relationship appears too enmeshed, other than talking about it and encouraging other friendships and activities, what can as parent do that won't backfire?

More family weekend trips and out of town vacations. Make them get a job and/or volunteer hours; anywhere where the significant other is not.

I would like to hear more on this question. I don’t love this reply though because it feels manipulative and not transparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 to the rules above but i also make sure they don't stop hanging out with their friends. Teen relationships tend to be all consuming and ditching your friends is not a good look. They need to balance it with the rest of their life!! Sports, EC, friends, academics etc.

+1. This is one of my biggest concerns and a frequent point of conversation. I also agree that it’s better to keep parents at a cordial distance (if you didn’t already know them). My concern would be that the “family friends” dynamic can add an extra layer that accelerates the relationship even more.

Or make it harder to break up when it’s time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

There are TONS of bjs in high school. Most of them don’t consider it sex. The Starbucks bathroom is a popular spot. Have them get the Gardisil vax!!

Ew. That is disgusting.

No, not if he showers daily.