Entering the teen dating era

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a few thoughts. Are they the same age? One BF was older and with him, that meant HE had to date as if he was HER age. Her curfew. She wasn't allowed at parties of HIS age peers. We dropped and picked her up because she wasn't driving yet (although he was). So he may have been 17, but he had to date as if he was 15.

That was that boyfriend. Otherwise, we did encourage DD to get her driver's license as soon as she could. We encouraged her to drive herself whenever possible.

The parents. Yes, some contact whenever possible. Some parents help with this more than others. One BF parent we really appreciated would, for example, call and let us know if parents were going to be out-of-town and the house was going to be empty. We knew to be on alert if we wanted to thwart alone time at BF's house.

So the b/f was just there alone?

[Anonymous]

no, was spending nights at Grandma's nearby. But the point was - no one home during the day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

That is terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s come sooner than we planned but here we are trying to feel our way through this new terrain with our oldest. DD (not quite 16) seems to have an exclusive BF now.I want to be supportive but I don’t want things to get too serious or move too fast.

What does this look like in your house? What advice can you offer to newbie teen parents in this era?

What are your rules for dating at 15?

How often does your teen and their SO spend time together out of school?

How often in your house or theirs?

How much is too much? What limits do you put in place?

Have you connected to “get to know” the parents or keep that at a distance outside of text coordinating?

Thank you!

My kids are still in elementary but I recently read a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. It was eye-opening! The statistics on sexually-transmitted diseases at high school level were appalling. And that was in 2006.

I have some really appalling stories about some of my daughter’s friends - both what her and her friends have shared and then a handful of times I had to look at her phone. Honestly that she has had sex at 17 with two boys and both were/are her boyfriends is a real win. She has friends that meet up for random sex with guys they meet on Snapchat, some friends that had a threesome….one acquaintance that had sex in her car with her drug dealer (this girl goes to a $$$$ private and comes from a very wealthy family ), lots of random drunk sex at organized park parties, leaked sex tapes of 15 yo…I could go on and on. A lot of kids have zero experience but the ones that do….ay ay ay

That is terrifying.

My teen daughters know girls like this. There's definitely a type and other kids talk about them. Not in a positive light by any means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she isn't on BC yet do that stat. And make sure condoms are stocked and she knows where they are. We have all the normal rules (someone must be home, no closed doors) but 15/16 and at about 3 months seems to be the time sex starts. We got to know the parents decently well, lots of texting to arrange pickups and the like. Usually they saw each other 1 or 2 weeknights a week and one weekend day but it all depended on sports/vacations/schoolwork.

I don’t know about this. 3 months at 15? I have a 15 yr old and none of her friends are sex, a couple are in relationships. I recall same when I was in high school. I recall sex starting around 17 and at least 6 months dating for the friends I knew that were coupled and for myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Anyone who allows sleepovers for high schoolers has completely given up parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Anyone who allows sleepovers for high schoolers has completely given up parenting.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Right? I was really taken aback at a few mom friends of mine who gave in to that real quick. And every single one of these relationships turned into train wrecks, mostly for the girls. It’s too intense for this age - like the previous post about the families vacationing together ?? The inevitable break ups when kids are this enmeshed are traumatizing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Anyone who allows sleepovers for high schoolers has completely given up parenting.

Depends on maturity level of the couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Anyone who allows sleepovers for high schoolers has completely given up parenting.

Depends on maturity level of the couple.

They're 15!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Anyone who allows sleepovers for high schoolers has completely given up parenting.

Depends on maturity level of the couple.

They're 15!!

Yes maturity levels vary greatly at that age. Some 18 year olds are more like 15 year olds, some 15 year olds are more like 18 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First boyfriend at 15 - not a lot of rules, bc they were friends first for many months and hung out together just them sometimes. Once I figured out they were dating it was kinda too late to do any open door stuff - but I’m not really that kind of parent. His parents didn’t let them stay there when they weren’t home, but I found out later they found ways around that. At our house one of us was almost always home so I didn’t make a rule.

I was on text terms with his parents and we would chat at pick up, but nothing beyond that which I recommend (my best friend gets too chummy with the other parents and it always goes sideways).

You probably won’t keep them from having sex (mine did and I don’t think based on texts I read later I could have stopped them) but I do recommend you don’t give in to sleepovers even months later. You say you won’t know but I know a lot of parents that give in to that.

Sleepovers at 15?! Holy cow

Anyone who allows sleepovers for high schoolers has completely given up parenting.

Depends on maturity level of the couple.

They're 15!!

Yes maturity levels vary greatly at that age. Some 18 year olds are more like 15 year olds, some 15 year olds are more like 18 year olds.

I wouldn't even allow it for a senior. They can do what they want at college but a sleepover isn't happening here at that 18.