Asking coworkers to stop discussing a certain topic

[Anonymous]

Pretty sad that butchering animals should really still just be OK- just a part of life and normal conversation. And there's no progress that humans in general will ever even realize what they are doing and act like it's normal. It isn't normal- it's beyond cruel and also stupid for health reasons.

Just say to them that these convos are too graphic for those working around them. Frankly, even for non-vegetarians, but it's not bad that they actually hear what butchering entails.

[Anonymous]

OP you have been way more patient and polite than I would be and I am not a vegetarian!

I think trying some responses like ooh it’s too early in the morning or too soon after lunch for all this talk of blood is a good start. If that doesn’t work I love pp’s suggestion of getting into details on some other gross subject.

[Anonymous]

"This is more graphic than I want to listen to. Next topic, please."

Don't go to your supervisor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, “guys, this is a little bit more blood and entrails than I am prepared for today. Mind if we shift topics?” in a lighthearted way. It has nothing to do with being vegetarian. It’s just kind of gross to talk about in a meeting.

+1, from a farming kid. It's not office appropriate, and worse, it's tedious for two people to continually dominate the conversation with their hobby. I would not ever say that you're squeamish, because that's probably what they're after. I'd imply (after trying repeatedly to change the topic) that you're bored by them.

Since the meetings are in person, start a side conversation with someone else, ask a cooking question that isn't about meat, ask a new question about their livestock ("Do people ever ask you for Easter bunnies? I've heard some people actually rent them for the day."). If they continue to try to dominate, pointedly ask someone else about their hobby. You can get pretty rude in the name of including everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

Grow a tougher constitution. Being a vegetarian isn’t a protected class. Grow up.

What is the obsession with rights in the replies? There's a huge gulf between polite and illegal. That area is called "rude" and it's fine to say something when people are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

It’s a slippery slope and my supervisor would respond with a rule that we have zero chit chat before the meeting. Everyone will hate you, OP.

Just slip in an AirPod and listen to a pod cast when the butcher talk starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, “guys, this is a little bit more blood and entrails than I am prepared for today. Mind if we shift topics?” in a lighthearted way. It has nothing to do with being vegetarian. It’s just kind of gross to talk about in a meeting.

+1, from a farming kid. It's not office appropriate, and worse, it's tedious for two people to continually dominate the conversation with their hobby. I would not ever say that you're squeamish, because that's probably what they're after. I'd imply (after trying repeatedly to change the topic) that you're bored by them.

Since the meetings are in person, start a side conversation with someone else, ask a cooking question that isn't about meat, ask a new question about their livestock ("Do people ever ask you for Easter bunnies? I've heard some people actually rent them for the day."). If they continue to try to dominate, pointedly ask someone else about their hobby. You can get pretty rude in the name of including everyone.

Op. This is good advice. Lots of good suggestions from others too, thank you.

And to some people, no, I'm not trying to change anyone's rights or make it about me. There are a lot of sensitive subjects that could obviously bother anyone, you don't have to be in a protected class to be grossed out by something.

Next month I'll have to decide whether to leave the room or say something light hearted to try to get the point across. I'll see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

It’s a slippery slope and my supervisor would respond with a rule that we have zero chit chat before the meeting. Everyone will hate you, OP.

Just slip in an AirPod and listen to a pod cast when the butcher talk starts.

This is my main concern. I don't care if the farmers dislike me (well the one I do like, and I don't really want to make her think Im judging her). But yeah, I really don't want to be the one to cause a shut down on all socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

Grow a tougher constitution. Being a vegetarian isn’t a protected class. Grow up.

What is the obsession with rights in the replies? There's a huge gulf between polite and illegal. That area is called "rude" and it's fine to say something when people are rude.

OP said: I think I’m within my rights…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

A polite request such as this would likely go over just fine my office.

If you make such a request, why can’t others do the same? Why do you think the farmers will demand anything? Are you being demanding or just asking? Can’t they ask too?

Also, it doesn’t seem to me the farmers are purposely dominating conversation or doing this because they know it makes you squeamish or any of the other negative reasons other PPs have mentioned. They likely are just not aware you are sensitive about it when you haven’t ever actually said anything to anyone about it.

So ask them yourself directly.

[Anonymous]

OP, do the two farmers work close to each other? Could you maybe get them together before the meeting and get them to get the conversation out of their system before you are forced to overhear it ?

I used to do that with my sports fan colleagues. Right at the beginning of the day I would walk past them and ask how the game was and then walk away. By our midday meeting they had nothing more to discuss 🙂.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be fine if (as a supervisor) someone asked me to not bring up the gory subject. My MIL who eats meat cannot handle conversation that covers “what part of the cow is this from” I would just let folks know in private first it’s great they farm, but it’s off putting to non farmers. Not an official complaint more of a pleas knock off the bloody talk

Don’t say this. You can say it is off-putting to you, but you don’t speak for all non-farmers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

Grow a tougher constitution. Being a vegetarian isn’t a protected class. Grow up.

What is the obsession with rights in the replies? There's a huge gulf between polite and illegal. That area is called "rude" and it's fine to say something when people are rude.

OP said: I think I’m within my rights…

Are you a native English speaker? That phrase does not mean she thinks she has a legal right to different behavior as enforced by HR. It's an idiom that implies her request is justified.
When you say "It's within my rights to demand x" - it doesn't mean you get x , or are legally entitled to x, but you can certainly demand it and the phrase conveys that you have good reason to do so.

[Anonymous]

I've left meetings before when the topic shifted to upcoming vacations, kid stuff, etc and just wouldn't stop. I tried to redirect and it didn't work, so I just got up and said "please call me when you would like to continue the meeting. I will be in my office" and I left. I don't have time to waste on their nonsense, particluarly when it's a weekly scheduled meeting and not something new that no one is used to.

[Anonymous]

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