Asking coworkers to stop discussing a certain topic

[Anonymous]

I work for state government. Every month during our small team meeting we chit chat about non-work things for a good 15 minutes before starting the actual meeting. I seem to work with a bunch of extroverts, and people like to chat so that's fine.

But two of them are small farmers with chickens, ducks, rabbits etc that they raise for meat. And the topic of conversation is frequently the gruesome details of butchering animals. I'm a vegetarian and it turns my stomach to hear it. I don't have anything at all against other people raising and eating meat, especially since they raise their animals ethically. But I'm at the end of my tolerance to hear about it.

I think I'm within my rights to ask my supervisor to say something to put a stop to it. Or to say something myself during the meeting. Here's my question - do you think this type of request is going to start us on a slippery slope? Meaning, the farmers will demand maybe we shouldn't talk about this other topic or that other topic? Would a request to stop talking about a certain topic in your office be well-received?

[Anonymous]

Can you try shifting the conversation without a big declaration? I’d do that as a first step rather than supervisor.

[Anonymous]

Wear headphones or ear plugs or excuse yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you try shifting the conversation without a big declaration? I’d do that as a first step rather than supervisor.

I tried that today and they managed to circle back to butchering methods.

[Anonymous]

Are these people generally jerks or generally nice? If they are generally nice, I would just say something like “Bob, I’m sorry but can I get you guys to NOT talk about animal butchering before the meetings? I am really queasy about that kind of stuff and it makes me really sick.” I have a nephew that butches all of his own meat but he would be super sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to hear about it! I think that’s true of stuff like medical discussions, etc.

If they are jerks, then I suspect nothing good will come of you raising this, and you should just get headphones and say something like — I’m going to try to respond to emails until the meeting starts — just wave a hand when we’re getting started.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don’t have any rights here. Vegetarians are not a protected class. You are not being harassed or discriminated against. You just understandably don’t like the topic.

Your best move is to ask a few of the farmers directly if they would mind not talking about it while you are there. Asking your supervisor to do this for you isn’t a good approach. Do it yourself.

People here can’t advise on how your co-workers will react. You know them better than we do.

If that doesn’t work, then arrive late to the meeting and wait outside until the meeting is about to start to join.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do not go to a supervisor. Huge over reaction. You’ve got a few good options here:

1) Listen politely for a minute or two and then say “oof okay that’s enough butchering conversation for me! Who has something less bloody going on? Larlo, got any plans for the weekend?” Keep your tone super, super light!

2) When the butchering conversation starts, turn down your volume and do something else. You know it’s just idle chit chat for the first 15 mins anyway. Check in every once in a while, but other wise, turn it off.

3) Reach out directly to one of the butchers and talk to him. Make it YOUR problem, and make it about queaziness not ethics. “Larlo, I hate to be That Guy but the butchering talk on the monthly call makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know, embarrassing. But I don’t want to miss any of the call not feeling well. Is it possible to skip that topic? I hate to ask, but you’d really be doing me a big favor.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these people generally jerks or generally nice? If they are generally nice, I would just say something like “Bob, I’m sorry but can I get you guys to NOT talk about animal butchering before the meetings? I am really queasy about that kind of stuff and it makes me really sick.” I have a nephew that butches all of his own meat but he would be super sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to hear about it! I think that’s true of stuff like medical discussions, etc.

If they are jerks, then I suspect nothing good will come of you raising this, and you should just get headphones and say something like — I’m going to try to respond to emails until the meeting starts — just wave a hand when we’re getting started.

I agree with this assessment.

[Anonymous]

Is this in person or online? Is this during the meeting itself or before it starts? If it’s while people are talking to each other, find someone else and talk about something else. Start your own chit chat conversation. If I were your manager and it was happening in my meeting, I wouldn’t mind being pulled aside and told “that line of conversation makes me queasy” and I’d go talk to the others, but please don’t get up in my face with a rant on the evils of meat eating. Online, just turn down the volume until the actual work talk starts.

But I do recommend using your words, but in a pleasant way - like mentioned above or “Bob, Dave, please - there are ladies present!” or something like that, with a laugh. Find your own common ground with your coworkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this in person or online? Is this during the meeting itself or before it starts? If it’s while people are talking to each other, find someone else and talk about something else. Start your own chit chat conversation. If I were your manager and it was happening in my meeting, I wouldn’t mind being pulled aside and told “that line of conversation makes me queasy” and I’d go talk to the others, but please don’t get up in my face with a rant on the evils of meat eating. Online, just turn down the volume until the actual work talk starts.

But I do recommend using your words, but in a pleasant way - like mentioned above or “Bob, Dave, please - there are ladies present!” or something like that, with a laugh. Find your own common ground with your coworkers.

Don't do the ladies thing. I am a woman and I've dissected plenty of bodies. Woman can be farmers, and of course they do what needs to be done. But yes, talk to these people, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these people generally jerks or generally nice? If they are generally nice, I would just say something like “Bob, I’m sorry but can I get you guys to NOT talk about animal butchering before the meetings? I am really queasy about that kind of stuff and it makes me really sick.” I have a nephew that butches all of his own meat but he would be super sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to hear about it! I think that’s true of stuff like medical discussions, etc.

If they are jerks, then I suspect nothing good will come of you raising this, and you should just get headphones and say something like — I’m going to try to respond to emails until the meeting starts — just wave a hand when we’re getting started.

I agree with this assessment.

+2

It’s not something you should address officially. Don’t make a big production of it in the meeting and certainly don’t being your supervisor or HR in to defend your rights in regards to other people’s chitchat.

But if you communicate (nicely) how much it bothers you and ask them politely to avoid the subject as a favor to you, I think most people would be sympathetic and willing to help. It needs to be about your problem that they are helping you with, not their problem that you’re demanding they fix to your satisfaction.

If they are jerks who are unwilling to take your feelings into account, maybe you could sit away from them and find someone else to chitchat with yourself, ignoring them as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this in person or online? Is this during the meeting itself or before it starts? If it’s while people are talking to each other, find someone else and talk about something else. Start your own chit chat conversation. If I were your manager and it was happening in my meeting, I wouldn’t mind being pulled aside and told “that line of conversation makes me queasy” and I’d go talk to the others, but please don’t get up in my face with a rant on the evils of meat eating. Online, just turn down the volume until the actual work talk starts.

But I do recommend using your words, but in a pleasant way - like mentioned above or “Bob, Dave, please - there are ladies present!” or something like that, with a laugh. Find your own common ground with your coworkers.

Don't do the ladies thing. I am a woman and I've dissected plenty of bodies. Woman can be farmers, and of course they do what needs to be done. But yes, talk to these people, OP.

You have missed the point. I’m the PP, female, and my family owns butcher shops. But these two dudes talk about this kind of stuff and you want them to shut up so you give them a code most men will understand to mean shut up. Not a lecture on vegetarianism and feminism in the same breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these people generally jerks or generally nice? If they are generally nice, I would just say something like “Bob, I’m sorry but can I get you guys to NOT talk about animal butchering before the meetings? I am really queasy about that kind of stuff and it makes me really sick.” I have a nephew that butches all of his own meat but he would be super sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to hear about it! I think that’s true of stuff like medical discussions, etc.

If they are jerks, then I suspect nothing good will come of you raising this, and you should just get headphones and say something like — I’m going to try to respond to emails until the meeting starts — just wave a hand when we’re getting started.

Good question. I suspect one of them would understand and stop talking about it (and then hopefully not say anything behind my back. But I like her and she has a good sense of humor. And I help her with our work a lot). I suspect the other one could be a jerk about it. She's odd. She kind of gets going on rants about work related things and next thing you know she blurts out something about hot button political topics. Once she said something about millennials and gen Z people being too sensitive and needing "safe spaces."

Our office is so non-toxic compared to some I've been in. I just don't want to be the one to take it there.

[Anonymous]

Op here. The meetings are in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this in person or online? Is this during the meeting itself or before it starts? If it’s while people are talking to each other, find someone else and talk about something else. Start your own chit chat conversation. If I were your manager and it was happening in my meeting, I wouldn’t mind being pulled aside and told “that line of conversation makes me queasy” and I’d go talk to the others, but please don’t get up in my face with a rant on the evils of meat eating. Online, just turn down the volume until the actual work talk starts.

But I do recommend using your words, but in a pleasant way - like mentioned above or “Bob, Dave, please - there are ladies present!” or something like that, with a laugh. Find your own common ground with your coworkers.

Don't do the ladies thing. I am a woman and I've dissected plenty of bodies. Woman can be farmers, and of course they do what needs to be done. But yes, talk to these people, OP.

You have missed the point. I’m the PP, female, and my family owns butcher shops. But these two dudes talk about this kind of stuff and you want them to shut up so you give them a code most men will understand to mean shut up. Not a lecture on vegetarianism and feminism in the same breath.

OP’s farmers are women. Hilarious.