How to handle coworker who may be crushing

[Anonymous]

OP is self obsessed and can’t stop calling herself attractive.

Y’all are insufferable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is self obsessed and can’t stop calling herself attractive.

OP - As an attractive younger woman, I’m not that young, 40s. I'm conventionally attractive, being an attractive woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I constantly excuse myself to "get back to work" and when asked personal questions say I like to keep my personal life personal.

Him: do you like dogs or cats better?
Me: I like getting my work done before the higher-ups come asking for it, excuse me.

This. I once had a colleague ask me what I “did” over the weekend.

I shut it down, fired off an email to HR, and now he leaves me alone. Word got around pretty quick, so I haven’t had to worry about any other nonsense, either.

It is a workplace. People need to respect boundaries.

Are you ND? People ask me that and I guess it’s their way of trying to relate to you. They expect a conversation about interesting places to visit so they can get ideas for reasonably priced things they can do with their own families. I started noticing people get kind of angry if you say you didn’t do anything. They take it as if you don’t like them or don’t want to be friends. I’m autistic and a way to fit in is to have something to say that you did over the weekend for small talk because normal people like small talk conversations.

I am not ND but I am pretty business-oriented and don't like to open meetings with blather about my weekend and kids. My male boss actually gave me feedback that he wanted me to do this more as part of my performance review. So I did. For about a year. He only processed about 50% of what I told him, as shown by his repeated forgetting of details. It's an etiquette and norms thing. Whether anyone actually cares or will do anything with the info is beside the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a male exec, I have sometimes found myself fond of younger, female colleagues. Not in a crush or weird way - just in a "hey, you seem personable and friendly" way. You know, like two fellow humans. This is exacerbated by working in a male-dominated industry where social skills are often in short supply. So the stereotypically more sociable women become even more appealing for social interaction, relative to their colleagues.

I'm hyper conscientious about avoiding even a whiff of impropriety for both my sake and theirs, but if somebody were paying close attention, they might detect an elevated affinity for them versus other colleagues. More frequent interactions, a warmer dialogue, whatever.

Ultimately, I'm not going to treat everybody identically. That's not fair to them and it's counterproductive for team morale. I meet people where they are. If you're more sociable, I'll meet you there. If you're more introverted, I'll give you space. It sounds like you're sociable, so he's reflecting.




I'd submit that the fact that you're conventionally attractive may be clouding your perspective on the matter. I mean, the guy is sharing photos of his family with you. I can't imagine that's an effective flirting strategy.

But regardless, as many prior posters said, you deserve to be comfortable at work. I recommend really pondering what boundaries you need to get yourself there. You're obviously entitled to whatever space you need, but if your feedback is unnecessarily draconian or unhinged, you're going to damage what could be an innocuous, positive relationship.

Just food for thought.

Chew on this food: are there women your age or older who are sociable and friendly? Do you even know?

Do you ever even talk to those? Or just the younger attractive friendly ones some of whom may not know better?

Wow. Are you always this angry?

Absolutely. If I was only socializing with younger women, that would be weird. And problematic. But that's not what I said, despite your misplaced rage. I'm just saying that friendships can exist across age and gender gaps without having a creepy element.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP is engaging with him in a friendly way as much as he is her.