Sleepovers in Same-Sex Relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is nuts.

I sometimes come across threads like this on DCUM and think to myself "and this is why Trump won." It's crazy to me that parents would consider a romantic sleepover because it's a same sex couple and you're trying to show how super cool and supportive you are about it. The emotions and intensity and intimacy are all there. Just because nobody is getting pregnant doesn't make it any less of a relationship and it is completely okay to establish age appropriate boundaries. Like, I don't know, maybe not setting up a safe space for underage kids to have sex in your house.

But most people in the thread are agreeing with you. Even liberals like me. It's just complicated in a case where you've allowed sleepovers before and then you cut them off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is nuts.

I sometimes come across threads like this on DCUM and think to myself "and this is why Trump won." It's crazy to me that parents would consider a romantic sleepover because it's a same sex couple and you're trying to show how super cool and supportive you are about it. The emotions and intensity and intimacy are all there. Just because nobody is getting pregnant doesn't make it any less of a relationship and it is completely okay to establish age appropriate boundaries. Like, I don't know, maybe not setting up a safe space for underage kids to have sex in your house.

But most people in the thread are agreeing with you. Even liberals like me. It's just complicated in a case where you've allowed sleepovers before and then you cut them off.

+1
Yeah, the "this is why...Trump" is a stupid take. This is a family decision. I'm not sure what politics has to do with it. If you are good with it, "Fine." That in no way will influence how I raise my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Too early for the intensity of intimacy at the age with any gender partner.

ok, MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how this is even a question.

Because it’s just 2 girls! No pregnancy risk, no loss of virginity, and almost no risk of STIs.

Plus, if you don’t allow it, you are forcing them to sneak around behind your back. And that could be unsafe.

You are sick

+1000

You don't allow your kids to have open sex at your home (let's be honest, that's the real question), because it's disrespectful and not age appropriate for young teenagers. This is the case regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

They are going to do it anyway.

Do you really want them lying to you, sneaking around, and potentially doing you-know-what someplace that is unsafe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say no. To all
Sleepovers from here on

Same wtf is she trying to pull here? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd try to find a way to say no to all sleepovers in the future. I'm with the pp who said that nothing good becomes of sleepovers.

I also agree with the pp who said it's not sex you're trying to stop-- it's the intimacy that could cause the relationship to become too intense.

For this reason, I'd probably allow 'big' sleepovers.

Of course, if you've allowed sleepovers frequently up to this point (personally, we haven't), it becomes difficult to say no now.

Can you just come up with an excuse for the time being? ("Life is too busy right now." or "I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and just don't want the complexity."). This could punt the issue down the road for a few months, at least, and you could reassess.

I generally agree with all of this, and that's why it's tricky.

If your kid is exploring their sexuality and you don't want to make them feel "bad" about it, it can be very hard to change habits or take away privileges they've had in the past when they didn't do anything wrong.

I am 100% in agreement - no partner sleepovers and it's about the intimacy and adult relationships in adolescence. I also totally understand where the permission for "big" sleepovers comes. My own kids are only allowed sleepovers once in a great while because I hate them (before, during and after! ) but the ones I generally say yes to are infrequent birthday parties or group activities when there is no good reason to be left out. So, now you end up in this situation where any combination of the girls could be LGBTQ and there is a risk of sexual activity, and you're "punishing" a kid for that. What I am not going to do is try to find out who is what and try to figure out permission for group sleepovers that way.

However, I think the kids are old enough to have this conversation, and I would have it with them rather than hide behind an excuse and wait it out. I think my spouse and I would have a conversation about our stance, and then discuss with DD. I would have an honest conversation that this is a tricky decision to make and that we can keep discussion open and reassess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how this is even a question.

Because it’s just 2 girls! No pregnancy risk, no loss of virginity, and almost no risk of STIs.

Plus, if you don’t allow it, you are forcing them to sneak around behind your back. And that could be unsafe.

You are sick

+1000

You don't allow your kids to have open sex at your home (let's be honest, that's the real question), because it's disrespectful and not age appropriate for young teenagers. This is the case regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

They are going to do it anyway.

Do you really want them lying to you, sneaking around, and potentially doing you-know-what someplace that is unsafe?

Yes. Yes I would. Not allowing it in my house or making it easy

[Anonymous]

10th grade? 90% of kids are not virgins anymore by then, so what's the big deal?

If they are going to fool around, they don't have to have a sleepover to do it. Back seats of a car during lunch is plenty of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how this is even a question.

Because it’s just 2 girls! No pregnancy risk, no loss of virginity, and almost no risk of STIs.

Plus, if you don’t allow it, you are forcing them to sneak around behind your back. And that could be unsafe.

You are sick

+1000

You don't allow your kids to have open sex at your home (let's be honest, that's the real question), because it's disrespectful and not age appropriate for young teenagers. This is the case regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

They are going to do it anyway.

Do you really want them lying to you, sneaking around, and potentially doing you-know-what someplace that is unsafe?

There is a big difference between not allowing sleepovers with romantic partners and having a list of extreme rules like never allowing them to be in the bedroom together or even the whole “gotta keep the door open”. Most teenagers are not allowed sleepovers with bf/gf and find the opportunity at home.

I have allowed it now at 17 but did not when she was 15 in her first relationship as there is a difference in maturity and also that first relationship usually has almost no brakes unless you force the issue, they learn a little more self protection after a break up or 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10th grade? 90% of kids are not virgins anymore by then, so what's the big deal?

If they are going to fool around, they don't have to have a sleepover to do it. Back seats of a car during lunch is plenty of time.

False. Only about 30% of teens lose virginity in high school

https://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/beh4.asp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10th grade? 90% of kids are not virgins anymore by then, so what's the big deal?

If they are going to fool around, they don't have to have a sleepover to do it. Back seats of a car during lunch is plenty of time.

False. Only about 30% of teens lose virginity in high school

https://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/beh4.asp

LMAO. And just as many "studies" show the opposite. Those polls are never accurate. If you went to public schools, then you know how off that 30% is and completely ridiculous cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how this is even a question.

Because it’s just 2 girls! No pregnancy risk, no loss of virginity, and almost no risk of STIs.

Plus, if you don’t allow it, you are forcing them to sneak around behind your back. And that could be unsafe.

You are sick

+1000

You don't allow your kids to have open sex at your home (let's be honest, that's the real question), because it's disrespectful and not age appropriate for young teenagers. This is the case regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

They are going to do it anyway.

Do you really want them lying to you, sneaking around, and potentially doing you-know-what someplace that is unsafe?

No. But, there do not need to be sleepovers. It’s a balance. Too much intimacy too soon. There needs to be a balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10th grade? 90% of kids are not virgins anymore by then, so what's the big deal?

If they are going to fool around, they don't have to have a sleepover to do it. Back seats of a car during lunch is plenty of time.

False. Only about 30% of teens lose virginity in high school

https://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/beh4.asp

LMAO. And just as many "studies" show the opposite. Those polls are never accurate. If you went to public schools, then you know how off that 30% is and completely ridiculous cope.

Sounds right to me, based on my HS experience and my DDs experience. There's nowhere close to 90% of tenth graders having sex. 30% sounds right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10th grade? 90% of kids are not virgins anymore by then, so what's the big deal?

If they are going to fool around, they don't have to have a sleepover to do it. Back seats of a car during lunch is plenty of time.

False. Only about 30% of teens lose virginity in high school

https://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/beh4.asp

LMAO. And just as many "studies" show the opposite. Those polls are never accurate. If you went to public schools, then you know how off that 30% is and completely ridiculous cope.

No, every year these surveys has shown a decrease since the earl6 2010s.

It’s either because of p*rn or because social media gives the same dopamine hit.

Why would kids lie about being sexually active on anonymous surveys when this in general, is the most sexually liberal generation *ever*?

They wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how this is even a question.

Because it’s just 2 girls! No pregnancy risk, no loss of virginity, and almost no risk of STIs.

Plus, if you don’t allow it, you are forcing them to sneak around behind your back. And that could be unsafe.

You are sick

+1000

You don't allow your kids to have open sex at your home (let's be honest, that's the real question), because it's disrespectful and not age appropriate for young teenagers. This is the case regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Yeah, if you respected them you'd make them figure out how to sneak around like we all had to do when we were teenagers.