Sleepovers in Same-Sex Relationships

[Anonymous]

10th grade DD has just recently started dating a girl. This is her first relationship, ever, and she's smitten. She's shown interest in both girls and boys and has made no declarations about her sexuality at present. We're totally fine with all of this and just want to do our best to support her!

That said, the topic of a sleepover has been floated. If it was a boy she was dating, my clear answer would be no. I honestly do feel like any romantic partnerships should be treated the same, which is why I also want to say no to a sleepover with her girlfriend. Although to be fully honest, this feels like a really slippery slope to navigate from this point on.

I want to keep the lines of communication open and don't want her to feel like she has to sneak around or otherwise be dishonest about this or other relationships. I also know that if they want to have sex, they'll have sex, be it at a sleepover or just hanging out one afternoon. I think physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship and don't have any plans to try and stop it, but I'm also torn. She has close gay and straight female friends, and I've never given those sleepovers a second thought.

Do you allow same-sex sleepovers with your kid's romantic partners? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

I’d say no. To all
Sleepovers from here on

[Anonymous]

It's complicated. Mine is in 9th and we've mostly dodged sleepovers since starting middle school because they often happen Friday nights and DD has a pre dawn wakeup Saturday mornings. But I'm being begged for one now with the friend who I can tell from messaging is a mutual romantic interest. DD has always been hard to get any news from school life from, so not telling me about this crush isn't a total anomaly. I think she knows that I'd be fine with a gay relationship though honestly don't love any dating for a kid who just turned 14. I have no idea if the other girl's parents know.

But I thought the same as you for sleepovers. If it were a boy romantic interest, the clear answer would be "no way" to a sleepover.

If we do allow sleepovers in the future, I might consider that they stay in the living room rather than a closed door bedroom. And maybe no one-on-ones, so keep it 4 kids so it's not like a couple and a third wheel?

I don't know.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fair to just say no sleepovers with romantic partners, regardless of sex. Seems simple enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to just say no sleepovers with romantic partners, regardless of sex. Seems simple enough.

+1

Though she'll lie about interest or lack thereof from here on out.

[Anonymous]

I would say definitely no to just the 2 of them, but if it were a group of girls that were all staying in the same room/space I would probably allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say definitely no to just the 2 of them, but if it were a group of girls that were all staying in the same room/space I would probably allow it.

Girl-stuff happens in groups too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say definitely no to just the 2 of them, but if it were a group of girls that were all staying in the same room/space I would probably allow it.

Girl-stuff happens in groups too

Yeah…

Which is why I think a blanket “no sleepovers” rule is best. You do know who identifies as what or what their sexual orientation is. Just pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to just say no sleepovers with romantic partners, regardless of sex. Seems simple enough.

+1. I don't see why it being two girls would be any different than boy/girl. Spending the night together is way too intense for that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to just say no sleepovers with romantic partners, regardless of sex. Seems simple enough.

+1. I don't see why it being two girls would be any different than boy/girl. Spending the night together is way too intense for that age.

Yeah, but if that were the rule I could see many kids hiding their romantic relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to just say no sleepovers with romantic partners, regardless of sex. Seems simple enough.

+1. I don't see why it being two girls would be any different than boy/girl. Spending the night together is way too intense for that age.

Yeah, but if that were the rule I could see many kids hiding their romantic relationships.

Also I agree with you in theory, but to play devil's advocate, at least there is not a fear of pregnancy and I would guess far less STDs.

[Anonymous]

After my kid had been dating danger girl for 3 years we allowed it. They were in a committed relationship, and we discussed safe sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After my kid had been dating danger girl for 3 years we allowed it. They were in a committed relationship, and we discussed safe sex.

Lol *same*, not danger

[Anonymous]

What if you say "no" and they break, but decide to remain friends? Would you allow a sleepover then?

[Anonymous]

I’d say it’s a no, but she could have a group sleepover possibly if she’s in the same friend group bc I would hesitate to limit their ability to participate in a big girl sleepover just bc they are dating.

If you can hold off on the couple sleepovers, it’s really advisable. They get too attached too soon and too young, and they are already so intense in relationships at this age. Once you allow it, you really can’t back track on it easily.

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