Reply to Sleepovers in Same-Sex Relationships

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd try to find a way to say no to all sleepovers in the future.  I'm with the pp who said that nothing good becomes of sleepovers.

I also agree with the pp who said it's not sex you're trying to stop-- it's the intimacy that could cause the relationship to become too intense.

For this reason, I'd probably allow 'big' sleepovers.

Of course, if you've allowed sleepovers frequently up to this point (personally, we haven't), it becomes difficult to say no now.

Can you just come up with an excuse for the time being?  ("Life is too busy right now." or "I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and just don't want the complexity.").  This could punt the issue down the road for a few months, at least, and you could reassess.[/quote]

I generally agree with all of this, and that's why it's tricky.

If your kid is exploring their sexuality and you don't want to make them feel "bad" about it, it can be very hard to change habits or take away privileges they've had in the past when they didn't do anything wrong.

I am 100% in agreement - no partner sleepovers and it's about the intimacy and adult relationships in adolescence. I also totally understand where the permission for "big" sleepovers comes. My own kids are only allowed sleepovers once in a great while because I hate them (before, during and after!  :lol: ) but the ones I generally say yes to are infrequent birthday parties or group activities when there is no good reason to be left out. So, now you end up in this situation where any combination of the girls could be LGBTQ and there is a risk of sexual activity, and you're "punishing" a kid for that. What I am not going to do is try to find out who is what and try to figure out permission for group sleepovers that way.

However, I think the kids are old enough to have this conversation, and I would have it with them rather than hide behind an excuse and wait it out. I think my spouse and I would have a conversation about our stance, and then discuss with DD. I would have an honest conversation that this is a tricky decision to make and that we can keep discussion open and reassess.

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