Date with biglaw partner- what's the reality of their life?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

Except this isn’t a thread about what makes a perfect husband. It’s a thread about law firm partners and where the OP should expect to rank among his priorities.

In this context, the response is actually pretty telling. The poster says nothing about how the law firm partner treats HER or how THEIR relationship operates. It’s all about how good he is at his job, how much money he makes, what he looks like, and how he is as a dad. Nothing about how or where the partner values the poster. The OP should take note.

Well, if it makes you happy, he is also a really great partner. We’ve been together since law school and he is kind, considerate and thoughtful. He’s fun and funny and plans things for just us. My point was just that some of these guys are really good guys. Some aren’t. I’ve also worked with some real jerk run of the mill lawyers with a chip and those guys are worse, overall, I’d say.

Uh huh.

You’re just demonstrating your own massive chip.

[Anonymous]

Not every big law partner spends every waking moment on planes or in the office. But, it's a stressful job that requires a lot of time and attention. And it's a job that demands to be prioritized over other things sometimes. How much time / attention / priority depends on the type of practice and level of autonomy (i.e. does he have his own clients, is he doing most of the day-to-day work or more maintaining relationships, how good is his team). But, end of the day, someone is paying like 2000 per hour for his time, and they're going to expect pretty amazing service in exchange.

If you can be happy with a partner who will sometimes have to bail on things and sometimes be a bit of a stress ball, then you'll be fine. The rest is individual personality.

[Anonymous]

If you get serious in the relationship, you have to be ok with his work/job sometimes taking priority over everything else. You could be on vacation or visiting family and he might have to come home on a moments notice. Most of the men seem perfectly nice but you do have to be a certain kind of workaholic to make partner, so keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

As far as getting serious, I personally would be pretty reluctant in this case. He's divorced with kids and works a job that requires time and effort. You may end up getting the s-t end of things in terms of money, time, and attention. Keep in mind he has to pay alimony/child support to ex-wife and dole out his time between his work, kids, possibly exW, and dating.

But you are just on 1st date. I say have fun and enjoy the date.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? If you like the guy, he has a great career and that’s ultimately a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been in big law our whole marriage. We met while he was in law school. I would NEVER get married to a divorced big law partner with kids. They have soooo much limited time that they should be spending it with their kids. If they aren't then that says a lot about them and their values.

My DH is super busy and when he isn't busy with work he is with our family doing stuff with our kids. Those are his two priorities in life. Somewhat to the detriment of having outside interests but when you work as many hours as someone does in big law there has to be something that goes by the wayside.

This is a great point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger issue is most biglaw partners are complete narcissists with huge egos.

Most of the big law partners I know are nice, nerdy guys. Including my dad and his friends (who are now retired/nearing retirement.) It’s not like suits. But maybe that’s just my personal experience.

[Anonymous]

What gets lost in these types of posts is that BigLaw is not a monolith - both in terms of size of firm and in terms of practice area.
If he's a litigation partner at Cravath, that's going to be very different than if he's a non-equity energy regulatory partner at, say, Baker Botts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

Except this isn’t a thread about what makes a perfect husband. It’s a thread about law firm partners and where the OP should expect to rank among his priorities.

In this context, the response is actually pretty telling. The poster says nothing about how the law firm partner treats HER or how THEIR relationship operates. It’s all about how good he is at his job, how much money he makes, what he looks like, and how he is as a dad. Nothing about how or where the partner values the poster. The OP should take note.

Trophy husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As far as getting serious, I personally would be pretty reluctant in this case. He's divorced with kids and works a job that requires time and effort. You may end up getting the s-t end of things in terms of money, time, and attention. Keep in mind he has to pay alimony/child support to ex-wife and dole out his time between his work, kids, possibly exW, and dating.

But you are just on 1st date. I say have fun and enjoy the date.

I agree. Take things slow and keep your expectations in check. Big law plus parenting responsibilities leave little time for a partner, so some level of reluctance is more than appropriate.

[Anonymous]

My BigLaw DH makes 10M a year and I could not be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he divorced with kids? I’d be way more worried re that

All of this - Ha!

[Anonymous]

They travel. They are matched-up with an Administrative Assistant for travel, and it is assumed they will be having sex.

[Anonymous]

A divorced biglaw partner with kids is fine for intermittent dates. If you have romantic notions about remarrying and living happily ever after in domestic bliss, he’s a poor candidate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They travel. They are matched-up with an Administrative Assistant for travel, and it is assumed they will be having sex.

You’re ridiculous.