Date with biglaw partner- what's the reality of their life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They prioritize money and prestige over everything else. You will always be a distant, distant second unless his priorities are even more whacked and he puts you above kids. No thank you.

And if you looking at the money, remember much of it is likely going to his ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

[Anonymous]

My husband has been in big law our whole marriage. We met while he was in law school. I would NEVER get married to a divorced big law partner with kids. They have soooo much limited time that they should be spending it with their kids. If they aren't then that says a lot about them and their values.

My DH is super busy and when he isn't busy with work he is with our family doing stuff with our kids. Those are his two priorities in life. Somewhat to the detriment of having outside interests but when you work as many hours as someone does in big law there has to be something that goes by the wayside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

Her husband sounds like the most moral biglaw partner I described above. These guys exist, but they're rare. If she managed to find one of the good ones, I say kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

Except this isn’t a thread about what makes a perfect husband. It’s a thread about law firm partners and where the OP should expect to rank among his priorities.

In this context, the response is actually pretty telling. The poster says nothing about how the law firm partner treats HER or how THEIR relationship operates. It’s all about how good he is at his job, how much money he makes, what he looks like, and how he is as a dad. Nothing about how or where the partner values the poster. The OP should take note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's nice if if you like your space. If you require a lot of handholding (literally and figuratively), it isn't for you.

--Married to BigLaw partner for over a decade

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

Except this isn’t a thread about what makes a perfect husband. It’s a thread about law firm partners and where the OP should expect to rank among his priorities.

In this context, the response is actually pretty telling. The poster says nothing about how the law firm partner treats HER or how THEIR relationship operates. It’s all about how good he is at his job, how much money he makes, what he looks like, and how he is as a dad. Nothing about how or where the partner values the poster. The OP should take note.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger issue is most biglaw partners are complete narcissists with huge egos.

Bingo. It takes a certain type of person to survive that grind and sign up for more of it. They're often fat brutes with some charm (due to being smart). The funny thing is they make enough money and have enough power that they regularly get new women, so cheating is rampant. With their schedule, how's the wife/gf going to find out immediately?

Dating a biglaw partners is one thing but marrying them is often a disaster. So think long and hard about what you want out of the relationship because the job will always come first.

This is pretty much spot on, but there are certainly exceptions.

I've known a few big law partners who work hard but also prioritize spouse/family. Takes dedication, determination, skill, and a bit of luck, but it can be done.

Sadly, they are the exception rather than the rule. Generally speaking, it's an ugly life and it tends to attract unpleasant/unhealthy people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

NP/ Both of you all sound not nice at this point and hitting below the belt. The "sad and desparate" part made you sound like a troll. For the other, the laughing at her calling her husband handsome made you sound mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been in big law our whole marriage. We met while he was in law school. I would NEVER get married to a divorced big law partner with kids. They have soooo much limited time that they should be spending it with their kids. If they aren't then that says a lot about them and their values.

My DH is super busy and when he isn't busy with work he is with our family doing stuff with our kids. Those are his two priorities in life. Somewhat to the detriment of having outside interests but when you work as many hours as someone does in big law there has to be something that goes by the wayside.

OP said they are going on a first date, not getting married. OP, are you an independent woman that doesn't need a man to make her happy. I say go for the date and see if you enjoy it. The worst thing about these guys is the ego, imo. The women who have successful relationships with big law partners like to live nice and have their own interests and friends. They aren't dependent on their partner for their happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

Except this isn’t a thread about what makes a perfect husband. It’s a thread about law firm partners and where the OP should expect to rank among his priorities.

In this context, the response is actually pretty telling. The poster says nothing about how the law firm partner treats HER or how THEIR relationship operates. It’s all about how good he is at his job, how much money he makes, what he looks like, and how he is as a dad. Nothing about how or where the partner values the poster. The OP should take note.

Well, if it makes you happy, he is also a really great partner. We’ve been together since law school and he is kind, considerate and thoughtful. He’s fun and funny and plans things for just us. My point was just that some of these guys are really good guys. Some aren’t. I’ve also worked with some real jerk run of the mill lawyers with a chip and those guys are worse, overall, I’d say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is great. He has his own clients and I think that’s tbe key. He spent years and years in government and would leave again if he had a position he wanted. Maybe that’s the key. He is balanced, great at his job, a rainmaker, handsome, a great dad. Seriously. He’s doing spectuactuarly at his firm income wise.

Lol

Sorry you’re bitter! It’s completely true.

I’m not bitter in the slightest. I’m laughing at the “handsome” part. As if that’s relevant. You sound like a Stepford Wife.

I’m sorry for you that you don’t care if your partner is handsome - sad and desperate. I’m not there, sorry.

Ah, ok, so you’re a troll. Just as I suspected. Thanks for clearing that up.

Seriously, you are a sad sack. A woman who is glad her husband is attractive and successful and a good dad is a troll to you. That says a lot about you and you’re clearly getting what you deserve out there. I’m no troll.

Except this isn’t a thread about what makes a perfect husband. It’s a thread about law firm partners and where the OP should expect to rank among his priorities.

In this context, the response is actually pretty telling. The poster says nothing about how the law firm partner treats HER or how THEIR relationship operates. It’s all about how good he is at his job, how much money he makes, what he looks like, and how he is as a dad. Nothing about how or where the partner values the poster. The OP should take note.

Well, if it makes you happy, he is also a really great partner. We’ve been together since law school and he is kind, considerate and thoughtful. He’s fun and funny and plans things for just us. My point was just that some of these guys are really good guys. Some aren’t. I’ve also worked with some real jerk run of the mill lawyers with a chip and those guys are worse, overall, I’d say.

Uh huh.