How do I stop being a repeater? I repeat things during the conversation

[Anonymous]

My husband will repeat a question if he doesn't like the answer. Could be as simple as what are we having for dinner tonight. We've been married over 25 years now. I nicely answer his question twice. If he repeats it a 3rd time, I let him know, I've already answered the question, and we move on to the next conversation point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

Please don't do this. It's awful to constantly be shamed by a loved one for a mental health tic.

But it is not shaming if you ask DH gently to do it to try to break you of the habit. I used to say "you know" a lot and it helped me to stop it.

It really is. I know because my DH does it to me, and it makes me feel like a child who needs correcting.

Then he's not doing it right.

[Anonymous]

My mother does this all the time and it drives me insane. It seems to be like a crutch for her if a conversation or topic has run its course and she doesn't have anything else to say. When it's a short topic, it's especially irritating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband not only repeats himself constantly, but when I am speaking he repeats back to me what I am saying as I go (like talking over me at a slight delay). It drives me F*%(ing nuts and I have pointed it out to him. He claims anxiety. I don't care what it is, but I need it to stop. Have you considered just being quiet and nodding?

This is different from OP's condition, but it is a very frustrating minor mental disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

Please don't do this. It's awful to constantly be shamed by a loved one for a mental health tic.

But it is not shaming if you ask DH gently to do it to try to break you of the habit. I used to say "you know" a lot and it helped me to stop it.

It really is. I know because my DH does it to me, and it makes me feel like a child who needs correcting.

Then he's not doing it right.

Glad you've caught up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My anxious mother repeats. I remind her, "I understand. You don't have to say it again." And then she does, it's a compulsion for her. She says she does it to help herself remember, like a verbal to-do list.

It's pretty annoying even though it's been a lifetime of it.

Has she tried writing it down? Seriously. Taking notes in an organized system is very calming, letting the mind stop juggling.

[Anonymous]

I’ve read all of these examples and don’t see the problem. You’re allowed to express the same idea twice. This wouldn’t bother me AT ALL. Maybe all of my friends do it. We are an anxious bunch. I would never notice because this doesn’t seem like a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

Please don't do this. It's awful to constantly be shamed by a loved one for a mental health tic.

But it is not shaming if you ask DH gently to do it to try to break you of the habit. I used to say "you know" a lot and it helped me to stop it.

It really is. I know because my DH does it to me, and it makes me feel like a child who needs correcting.

Then he's not doing it right.

Glad you've caught up.

OP asked for suggestions. What is yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My anxious mother repeats. I remind her, "I understand. You don't have to say it again." And then she does, it's a compulsion for her. She says she does it to help herself remember, like a verbal to-do list.

It's pretty annoying even though it's been a lifetime of it.

Has she tried writing it down? Seriously. Taking notes in an organized system is very calming, letting the mind stop juggling.

Oh yes. She has organized lists. Repeating is her way of reviewing things aloud, which isn't annoying in a vacuum, until she's doing it several times in a conversation and is looking for acknowledgement and/or feedback, "O.K.?" "Does that make sense?" "Right? Huh?"

[Anonymous]

A few years back, a manager pointed out that I do this. I had no clue until she told me. Even though I'm more aware of it and catch myself, knowing didn't resolve it.

Hugs, op. And thanks for sharing. I thought I was the only one.

Donald Trump does it, too, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have anxiety or OCD? My husband, his father, and now my DC do exactly this.

This. Talk to your doc, this is a classic sign.

I have an OCD diagnosis. I never made the connection, but it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes do it for emphasis.

[Anonymous]

My friend does something this and she’s not anxious but she does smoke a lot of weed. She talks like she’s in a soap opera, where the characters’ lines are written for the benefit of viewers who don’t watch every day, (ie “Nikki, I am very worried about our daughter Victoria. She hasn’t been herself since she married Brad for the third time, after he recovered from being shot by Jack.”)

We’ve been friends for a decade but she talks to me like we just met, or like she thinks I have amnesia. We communicate daily, mostly by text, and a typical message will be something like: I had a meeting with a really difficult client today. I’m her lawyer. (I know she’s a lawyer. We met at work. Where we both worked as lawyers). Tonight I’m meting my girlfriend, Mary (she’s been dating Mary for years) for dinner. Mary is driving in from Philly (Mary has lived in Philadelphia the entire time they’ve dated) and she needs to talk to me about a problem she’s having with her boss. She’s hoping I can help because I’m a lawyer. She’s spending the night but has to head back to Philly in the morning, because she lives there.

I love her to death, but oh my Gooood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend does something this and she’s not anxious but she does smoke a lot of weed. She talks like she’s in a soap opera, where the characters’ lines are written for the benefit of viewers who don’t watch every day, (ie “Nikki, I am very worried about our daughter Victoria. She hasn’t been herself since she married Brad for the third time, after he recovered from being shot by Jack.”)

We’ve been friends for a decade but she talks to me like we just met, or like she thinks I have amnesia. We communicate daily, mostly by text, and a typical message will be something like: I had a meeting with a really difficult client today. I’m her lawyer. (I know she’s a lawyer. We met at work. Where we both worked as lawyers). Tonight I’m meting my girlfriend, Mary (she’s been dating Mary for years) for dinner. Mary is driving in from Philly (Mary has lived in Philadelphia the entire time they’ve dated) and she needs to talk to me about a problem she’s having with her boss. She’s hoping I can help because I’m a lawyer. She’s spending the night but has to head back to Philly in the morning, because she lives there.

I love her to death, but oh my Gooood.

She’ll also point out very obvious things, like when I said that my husband got me a ring but it was a bit tight, she said “you could try it on another finger. There are four on each hand”. I called her out on that one because it was just ridiculous and she couldn’t explain it. “I know you know what a hand looks like. Sorry, I’m daft”. Fascinating, but very annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My anxious mother repeats. I remind her, "I understand. You don't have to say it again." And then she does, it's a compulsion for her. She says she does it to help herself remember, like a verbal to-do list.

It's pretty annoying even though it's been a lifetime of it.

Has she tried writing it down? Seriously. Taking notes in an organized system is very calming, letting the mind stop juggling.

Oh yes. She has organized lists. Repeating is her way of reviewing things aloud, which isn't annoying in a vacuum, until she's doing it several times in a conversation and is looking for acknowledgement and/or feedback, "O.K.?" "Does that make sense?" "Right? Huh?"

Spouse does this and it is annoying. Ok you have anxiety and have to keep looping and repeating, fine. But then needing the comment acknowledge and responded to every single time is what is draining.