How do I stop being a repeater? I repeat things during the conversation

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you PPs!! I’ve chuckled at some of your responses, they hit home for me.

So I can confirm that it’s not that I forget that I’ve said it, it’s just that I say it again and I can’t tell why exactly. Like is it because they didn’t respond as I thought they would so in live conversation I quickly think, Oh! Say it differently or possibly I am thinking that they want me to continue that phrasing since they gave a positive response. It seems to teeter totter across these two for me.

Also — What’s it like for the other person?

I believe I enjoy conversations with people who do this as well, so I can’t tell what it must be like for other people.

[Anonymous]

I find that I do that when I feel like either (1) the person isn't listening to me or (2) I don't like the way I phrased something the first time. But it's not often, only sometimes, and I am conscious of it.

Maybe try really focusing on the conversation you're having so you can be careful what words are coming out of your mouth. I'm a litigator and the best way to learn your verbal tics is to read back a deposition or court transcript. Oof. It made me very aware of what I was saying and I was able to eliminate all tics from my speech and avoid things like compound questions/statements, verbal fillers, and repetition of certain words or phrases. I'll say though that while I can "turn it on" and be very conscious of every sound leaving my mouth, I don't do it all the time. So today, for example, I asked my husband a compound question because I wasn't really paying attention. He teases me by answering with a single yes or no, which obviously doesn't really answer my question, but then I can just say sorry, let me ask again. So maybe apologize if you do it and it's annoying? To me it's not that big of a deal but I am willing to acknowledge and apologize for things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My anxious mother repeats. I remind her, "I understand. You don't have to say it again." And then she does, it's a compulsion for her. She says she does it to help herself remember, like a verbal to-do list.

It's pretty annoying even though it's been a lifetime of it.

I do this sometimes. My husband has admitted that it's annoying but he'll humor me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you PPs!! I’ve chuckled at some of your responses, they hit home for me.

So I can confirm that it’s not that I forget that I’ve said it, it’s just that I say it again and I can’t tell why exactly. Like is it because they didn’t respond as I thought they would so in live conversation I quickly think, Oh! Say it differently or possibly I am thinking that they want me to continue that phrasing since they gave a positive response. It seems to teeter totter across these two for me.

Also — What’s it like for the other person?

I believe I enjoy conversations with people who do this as well, so I can’t tell what it must be like for other people.

I do this but have also been on the receiving end. It doesn't bother me unless what they're saying is boring (and I didn't even enjoy hearing it the first time) - I had one of those conversations yesterday and couldn't wait for it to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that I do that when I feel like either (1) the person isn't listening to me or (2) I don't like the way I phrased something the first time. But it's not often, only sometimes, and I am conscious of it.

Maybe try really focusing on the conversation you're having so you can be careful what words are coming out of your mouth. I'm a litigator and the best way to learn your verbal tics is to read back a deposition or court transcript. Oof. It made me very aware of what I was saying and I was able to eliminate all tics from my speech and avoid things like compound questions/statements, verbal fillers, and repetition of certain words or phrases. I'll say though that while I can "turn it on" and be very conscious of every sound leaving my mouth, I don't do it all the time. So today, for example, I asked my husband a compound question because I wasn't really paying attention. He teases me by answering with a single yes or no, which obviously doesn't really answer my question, but then I can just say sorry, let me ask again. So maybe apologize if you do it and it's annoying? To me it's not that big of a deal but I am willing to acknowledge and apologize for things like that.

Do you mean your kids? Teens? Adult children ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that I do that when I feel like either (1) the person isn't listening to me or (2) I don't like the way I phrased something the first time. But it's not often, only sometimes, and I am conscious of it.

Maybe try really focusing on the conversation you're having so you can be careful what words are coming out of your mouth. I'm a litigator and the best way to learn your verbal tics is to read back a deposition or court transcript. Oof. It made me very aware of what I was saying and I was able to eliminate all tics from my speech and avoid things like compound questions/statements, verbal fillers, and repetition of certain words or phrases. I'll say though that while I can "turn it on" and be very conscious of every sound leaving my mouth, I don't do it all the time. So today, for example, I asked my husband a compound question because I wasn't really paying attention. He teases me by answering with a single yes or no, which obviously doesn't really answer my question, but then I can just say sorry, let me ask again. So maybe apologize if you do it and it's annoying? To me it's not that big of a deal but I am willing to acknowledge and apologize for things like that.

Do you mean your kids? Teens? Adult children ?

Or a D spouse??

[Anonymous]

Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends does this. I don't remember it being so bad when she was younger. It reminds me of my DD who has autism. They can't help repeating things. I aso think it is anxiety-related. I just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband not only repeats himself constantly, but when I am speaking he repeats back to me what I am saying as I go (like talking over me at a slight delay). It drives me F*%(ing nuts and I have pointed it out to him. He claims anxiety. I don't care what it is, but I need it to stop. Have you considered just being quiet and nodding?

+1. My friend does this except she always interrupts and brings it back to her situation. She is a really nice person but it comes across as rude.

Me: "We are thinking of downsizing from our house once the kids are established in their own residences."

Her: "DH and I won't downsize. Our next move will be assisted living. We're not moving from our townhouse. We're fine not downsizing."

[Anonymous]

Working memory dysfunction is a classic OCD symptom (it's what causes checking compulsions). I have it, and it drives my DH batty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

Please don't do this. It's awful to constantly be shamed by a loved one for a mental health tic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

Please don't do this. It's awful to constantly be shamed by a loved one for a mental health tic.

But it is not shaming if you ask DH gently to do it to try to break you of the habit. I used to say "you know" a lot and it helped me to stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask someone close to you to call you on it every time. Your DH would be best.

"Larla, you just said that."

Please don't do this. It's awful to constantly be shamed by a loved one for a mental health tic.

But it is not shaming if you ask DH gently to do it to try to break you of the habit. I used to say "you know" a lot and it helped me to stop it.

It really is. I know because my DH does it to me, and it makes me feel like a child who needs correcting.

[Anonymous]

I find that people who do it are communicating out of their own needs and don't think of conversation based on effectiveness of their message. So, like, you would vary what you say based on who you're talking to, yes? So think about it that way--what does the person you're talking to need to know? Say ONLY THAT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my best friends does this. I don't remember it being so bad when she was younger. It reminds me of my DD who has autism. They can't help repeating things. I aso think it is anxiety-related. I just let it go.

I'm autistic- I think I do it because I can't read other peoples body language/social cues. I'm not sure they have heard me or understood unless I get a verbal response. I do it even more when it's something I consider very important.