Daughter’s new boyfriend and family drama

[Anonymous]

If it's going to require the sister to rejigger all the sleeping arrangements then I sympathize.

[Anonymous]

Op - you have no role here. She can invite whomever she likes.

[Anonymous]

Your older daughter sounds uptight. But if she's hosting she gets to decide who to invite. I wouldn't interfere.

[Anonymous]

38 is very old to be single does she have mental health issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned that younger daughter won’t go. I am so happy that our families are so much more inclusive. I agree with others that BF should be invited. Introducing him to the family shows it is much red than a passing fancy.

As for what I’d do would depend on your family’s holiday traditions. If older daughter always hosts, I’d say my piece about her being wrong and then shut up. If hosting is a rotating duty, I may offer to host because she’s clearly not up to the task of being a good host to her sister.

Is the younger daughter even invited. This is from the OP:

she will not be inviting them to the holidays at her house

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the older dd is mean and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you raised a bigot. Too bad. If you actually care about your younger daughter’s happiness you could always host and invite whomever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to wait until they are engaged.

Kids don't care about bf and gf people who come and go.

Your older daughter might be judgey but it doesn't mattter much because she said if they get engaged, her kids can be introduced.

40 year old dudes are unlikely to care about this either.

OP here. Part of me thinks older daughter knows younger sister will never commit and so she’ll avoid having to introduce her kids to “a weirdo”. I just think this is terrible!

No, it's wise. I would do the same. Not because of this person's external appearance (especially if he's kind, as you said), but because I don't fancy introducing a rotating cast of my sister's boyfriends to my young children.

if you can remember being a young child, your kids are likely to take nothing from meeting random "old people" with their aunt, whom they also deem old. They simply aren't paying attention. For them, he could be a random distant cousin/uncle/friend of the family who showed up one year, if they remember him at all. Unless the person is unsafe, excluding them or including them will have the same effect as including or excluding a work colleague or extended family member. That is to say, none at all. Random characters at holidays are a barely a blip in the mind of a child, unless adults draw attention to it. And even then!

[Anonymous]

She’s been dating him a year. He seems nice and has done nothing to earn your older DDs dislike of him. She’s wrong.
Invite him to gatherings at your house.
Do the sisters usually get along?

[Anonymous]

Since she's making such a point of it, OP, I would wonder if she knows or suspects something about him that you're not aware of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to wait until they are engaged.

Kids don't care about bf and gf people who come and go.

Your older daughter might be judgey but it doesn't mattter much because she said if they get engaged, her kids can be introduced.

40 year old dudes are unlikely to care about this either.

OP here. Part of me thinks older daughter knows younger sister will never commit and so she’ll avoid having to introduce her kids to “a weirdo”. I just think this is terrible!

No, it's wise. I would do the same. Not because of this person's external appearance (especially if he's kind, as you said), but because I don't fancy introducing a rotating cast of my sister's boyfriends to my young children.

if you can remember being a young child, your kids are likely to take nothing from meeting random "old people" with their aunt, whom they also deem old. They simply aren't paying attention. For them, he could be a random distant cousin/uncle/friend of the family who showed up one year, if they remember him at all. Unless the person is unsafe, excluding them or including them will have the same effect as including or excluding a work colleague or extended family member. That is to say, none at all. Random characters at holidays are a barely a blip in the mind of a child, unless adults draw attention to it. And even then!

It really depends on the ages of the kids, PP. But the most important bit is that the older sister can invite who she wants, and the others should respect that. OP fears this could drive the boyfriend away, and I don't think that's true. No 40+ man is going to care whether he's invited or not... unless his girlfriend has a fit about it, in which case he's running away from the girlfriend, and would have realized sooner or later anyway that she wasn't stable. OP is targeting the wrong woman here! And I suspect that's what she's done for ever. Hence the result.

[Anonymous]

Force it.

Older sis is being ridiculous and discriminatory based on physical appearance.