How do I stop having a crush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I’m being pathetic though. I’m cyber stalking and accidentally liking posts 🤦‍♀️ I don’t know what has come over me. I really need to get a grip but I’m struggling with it. Someone snap me out of it. I need to be told the truth

Just really think it all the way through! Like .. we do sleep together. But we can never be together in public so we never really have a full-blown falling in love feeling, and also there is no future to imagine. Since the anticipation is satisfied, all the tension sort of evaporates. Then one of our spouses finds out and tells the other. We are instantly disgusted with ourselves and blame the other person, and now they make us want to throw up. And our spouse kind of hates us. So we have no crush and a much worse marriage.

Or .. we do fall in love, and divorce our spouses to be together. Our kids despise our new partner for breaking up the family, and my relationship with my child will never be the same -- they pull away from me and seem disgusted. My step kids loathe me. And we have to deal with the same annoying life logistics just with a new person.

Never worth it.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what to tell you as I’ve been trying to extinguish mine from YEARS ago.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat, OP. For me, fortunately, being around them in person on a few occasions has shown me that I would likely not want to have a real life relationship with them. Too many annoying habits and mannerisms. However, the fantasy and seeing them on Zoom keeps me from getting over the crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat, OP. For me, fortunately, being around them in person on a few occasions has shown me that I would likely not want to have a real life relationship with them. Too many annoying habits and mannerisms. However, the fantasy and seeing them on Zoom keeps me from getting over the crush.

Seeing them on Zoom? The opposite for me. Less interaction in person helps fade the crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I’m being pathetic though. I’m cyber stalking and accidentally liking posts 🤦‍♀️ I don’t know what has come over me. I really need to get a grip but I’m struggling with it. Someone snap me out of it. I need to be told the truth

Hee hee hee. You don't. You jump into bed with him.
Or, you do, and it will peter out.

I'm cyberstalking somebody, too. Delightful diversion.

[Anonymous]

Mine is young and single. Its a problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is young and single. Its a problem!

Unless you are married, how so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is young and single. Its a problem!

Unless you are married, how so?

I'm married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My crushes have been at low points in my marriage and signal to me that I need to refocus on my marriage.

Likewise, but I interpret them as a signal that my needs are not being met. No matter how much I focus on my marriage, DH won’t be kinder and more affectionate.

Open the marriage or leave him. Don't throw away your integrity for temporary satisfaction (at best; cheating might not be as hot as your head/crotch wants it to be)

"Open the marriage" and "don't throw away your integrity" are opposites. Open marriage is merely condoned cheating and lacks integrity, no matter how much open marriage advocates insist it's "ethical." The solution with integrity, if a marriage is irreparable after genuine attempts have been made to work things out, is divorce.

Well, that's your opinion. Others feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My crushes have been at low points in my marriage and signal to me that I need to refocus on my marriage.

Likewise, but I interpret them as a signal that my needs are not being met. No matter how much I focus on my marriage, DH won’t be kinder and more affectionate.

Open the marriage or leave him. Don't throw away your integrity for temporary satisfaction (at best; cheating might not be as hot as your head/crotch wants it to be)

"Open the marriage" and "don't throw away your integrity" are opposites. Open marriage is merely condoned cheating and lacks integrity, no matter how much open marriage advocates insist it's "ethical." The solution with integrity, if a marriage is irreparable after genuine attempts have been made to work things out, is divorce.

Integrity isn't about what other people think of your choices. So while you may look down your nose in judgment of people who have agreed to open their marriage, the fact that they, the people who swore the vows to each other, have agreed means it's in alignment with their integrity.

Cheating is done in secret. Part of what makes it harmful (though far from the only part) is the fact that the party that gets cheated on didn't have the opportunity to know and consent. Parties that can mutually agree to open their marriage have had the opportunity to discuss and directly engage.

So while you, a judgmental nosy parker, may see it as being against your ethics/integrity, the world isn't beholden to see things the way you do.

[Anonymous]

It was on this forum that someone suggested imagining their dirty socks all over the place, or that they don't clean up after themselves, or whatever your personal pet peeve is. You're excited by them because you don't see their flaws. Imagine they're hella annoying to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is young and single. Its a problem!

Unless you are married, how so?

I'm married.

Age gap? Gender?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My crushes have been at low points in my marriage and signal to me that I need to refocus on my marriage.

Likewise, but I interpret them as a signal that my needs are not being met. No matter how much I focus on my marriage, DH won’t be kinder and more affectionate.

Open the marriage or leave him. Don't throw away your integrity for temporary satisfaction (at best; cheating might not be as hot as your head/crotch wants it to be)

"Open the marriage" and "don't throw away your integrity" are opposites. Open marriage is merely condoned cheating and lacks integrity, no matter how much open marriage advocates insist it's "ethical." The solution with integrity, if a marriage is irreparable after genuine attempts have been made to work things out, is divorce.

Integrity isn't about what other people think of your choices. So while you may look down your nose in judgment of people who have agreed to open their marriage, the fact that they, the people who swore the vows to each other, have agreed means it's in alignment with their integrity.
Cheating is done in secret. Part of what makes it harmful (though far from the only part) is the fact that the party that gets cheated on didn't have the opportunity to know and consent. Parties that can mutually agree to open their marriage have had the opportunity to discuss and directly engage.

So while you, a judgmental nosy parker, may see it as being against your ethics/integrity, the world isn't beholden to see things the way you do.

The bold tells us you really don't know how many of these "open marriages" are not actually nobly and lovingly "aligned with their integrity." You missed the posts here over the years from women who felt they should "open the marriage" at the husband's behest because the wives feared losing their husbands altogether if they didn't permit them to cheat in this officially sanctioned way. But you do you! If you take your vows so flexibly you can twist them into a pretzel so one or both of you can have sex with other people, by all means, go for it.

But do note: I'm judgmental for sure, and own it gladly! But nosy parker? Nope, I do not want to know about your open marriage "ethics."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My crushes have been at low points in my marriage and signal to me that I need to refocus on my marriage.

Likewise, but I interpret them as a signal that my needs are not being met. No matter how much I focus on my marriage, DH won’t be kinder and more affectionate.

Open the marriage or leave him. Don't throw away your integrity for temporary satisfaction (at best; cheating might not be as hot as your head/crotch wants it to be)

"Open the marriage" and "don't throw away your integrity" are opposites. Open marriage is merely condoned cheating and lacks integrity, no matter how much open marriage advocates insist it's "ethical." The solution with integrity, if a marriage is irreparable after genuine attempts have been made to work things out, is divorce.

Integrity isn't about what other people think of your choices. So while you may look down your nose in judgment of people who have agreed to open their marriage, the fact that they, the people who swore the vows to each other, have agreed means it's in alignment with their integrity.
Cheating is done in secret. Part of what makes it harmful (though far from the only part) is the fact that the party that gets cheated on didn't have the opportunity to know and consent. Parties that can mutually agree to open their marriage have had the opportunity to discuss and directly engage.

So while you, a judgmental nosy parker, may see it as being against your ethics/integrity, the world isn't beholden to see things the way you do.

The bold tells us you really don't know how many of these "open marriages" are not actually nobly and lovingly "aligned with their integrity." You missed the posts here over the years from women who felt they should "open the marriage" at the husband's behest because the wives feared losing their husbands altogether if they didn't permit them to cheat in this officially sanctioned way. But you do you! If you take your vows so flexibly you can twist them into a pretzel so one or both of you can have sex with other people, by all means, go for it.

But do note: I'm judgmental for sure, and own it gladly! But nosy parker? Nope, I do not want to know about your open marriage "ethics."

So you're not in one but you want to claim to know what i think/know of them?

Brother, eww. You need to get yourself together and learn how to mind your own business. And while you may have seen some people here who posted alleging they felt coerced into things, that doesn't make that the standard, nor are those cases the only reasons why married couples might mutually decide for themselves to arrange their practices in a way that works for them,

But let me guess: your whole idea of this "morality" bit comes from a skyfriend who you feel gives you the right to judge others, likely in total mockery of literally everything else said skyfriend tried to teach you, yeah? The plank in your own eye, dude. The glass house you seem to have...

[Anonymous]

And since you seem hung up on it: I haven't had sex with anyone but my husband in like two decades and counting, so you don't need to take your open marriage hate out on me, a random on an anon board.

You may need to take it to a therapist, though. Nobody happy goes around judging randoms like that.