Reply to How do I stop having a crush?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My crushes have been at low points in my marriage and signal to me that I need to refocus on my marriage.[/quote]
Likewise, but I interpret them as a signal that my needs are not being met. No matter how much I focus on my marriage, DH won’t be kinder and more affectionate.

[/quote]

Open the marriage or leave him. Don't throw away your integrity for temporary satisfaction (at best; cheating might not be as hot as your head/crotch wants it to be)[/quote]

"Open the marriage" and "don't throw away your integrity" are opposites. Open marriage is merely condoned cheating and lacks integrity, no matter how much open marriage advocates insist it's "ethical." The solution with integrity, if a marriage is irreparable after genuine attempts have been made to work things out, is divorce. [/quote]

Integrity isn't about what other people think of your choices. So while you may look down your nose in judgment of people who have agreed to open their marriage, [b]the fact that they, the people who swore the vows to each other, have agreed means it's in alignment with their integrity.[/b]
Cheating is done in secret. Part of what makes it harmful (though far from the only part) is the fact that the party that gets cheated on didn't have the opportunity to know and consent. Parties that can mutually agree to open their marriage have had the opportunity to discuss and directly engage.

So while you, a judgmental nosy parker, may see it as being against your ethics/integrity, the world isn't beholden to see things the way you do.[/quote]

The bold tells us you really don't know how many of these "open marriages" are [i]not[/i] actually nobly and lovingly "aligned with their integrity." You missed the posts here over the years from women who felt they should "open the marriage" at the husband's behest because the wives feared losing their husbands altogether if they didn't permit them to cheat in this officially sanctioned way. But you do you! If you take your vows so flexibly you can twist them into a pretzel so one or both of you can have sex with other people, by all means, go for it.

But do note: I'm judgmental for sure, and own it gladly! But nosy parker? Nope, I do not want to know about your open marriage "ethics." [/quote]

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